This entire movie is built on the premise that ThoseTwoGuys got a movie of their own the ''first'' time around, instead of waiting for the sequel... so the movie is just packed with very funny lines.
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[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/el_dorado.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:350: [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl AAAAHHHHH!!!]]]]

* The duo evade some guards by jumping into a pair of water-filled barrels, with Miguel betting Tulio that they can make it. They survive the drop.
-->'''Miguel''': ''[cheerfully from inside his barrel]'' You lose!\\
''[two coins flip from inside Tulio's barrel to Miguel's]''
** Then they get trapped in the barrels and hoisted aboard a ship:
--->'''Tulio''': What's happening here?\\
'''Miguel''': ''(deadpan)'' We are both in barrels, that is the extent of my knowledge.
** Culminating with them popping out of the barrels as night falls, with a perfect spotlight on them. And then the crew surrounds them.
--->'''Tulio''': Excuse us.\\
'''Miguel''': Okay. We're outta here.\\
'''Tulio''': Who ordered the, uh... (sniffs) pickles?
* Miguel and Tulio are stranded in the ocean on a rowboat with Altivo.
-->'''Miguel''': Did you ever imagine it would end like this?\\
'''Tulio''': The horse is a surprise.\\
'''Miguel''': ''(nods)''
** Altivo's reaction to Tulio's line is quite amusing, too.
* While sitting in the rowboat, a seagull lands on one of the oars, [[HopeSpot indicating that land is near.]] It then promptly coughs and dies. When the starving duo reach for it, a shark pops up and steals it with a huge crunch, and they are just frozen at the unfairness of it all. ''Hilarious.'' Even Altivo, who's a vegetarian by nature, is heartbroken!
** Made even funnier when you realize the shark is heavily inspired by the one featured on the ''Jaws'' posters.
* Any of the "duel" scenes:
--> '''Tulio:''' I will give you the honor of a quick and painless ''death!'' ''(pulls a tiny dagger from a guard)'' But not with that.[[note]][[FunnyBackgroundEvent The crowd's collective facial expression switches from]] [[OhCrap "Yikes!"]] [[FunnyBackgroundEvent to]] [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe "Seriously??"]] [[FunnyBackgroundEvent and back again.]][[/note]] ''(switches it for a rapier)'' I prefer to fight fairly!\\
'''Miguel:''' Oh, you fight like my sister!\\
'''Tulio:''' I... ''fought'' your sister - that's a compliment!
** Also the fact that Kenneth Branagh and Kevin Kline were actually ''using plastic swords in the recording booth'' during this scene.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCmhzHBD66c The bull chase]]. Tense and heart-pounding, yet utterly hilarious at the same time.
* Or when Miguel realizes that some landmarks on the island match up with the map they won/stole:
-->'''Miguel:''' You said it yourself it was possible, and it is! It really is! The map to EL DORADO!\\
''[{{Beat}}]''
-->'''Tulio:''' ...You drank seawater, didn't you?
** "You kept the map, but you couldn't grab a little more '''food'''?!"
* Tulio tries to get Miguel to stay away from Chel:
--> '''Tulio:''' The little voice? Remember the little voice? Just for a second imagine that you have one. What would it be saying about Chel?\\
'''Miguel:''' ....[[ChivalrousPervert Mmmmmrrr]]...
--> '''Tulio''': (grabs him by the shoulders) ''No''!
* [[https://youtu.be/WTCG5q20bvA The whole volcano bit is pretty funny]]
* An El Dorado warrior gets mauled, chewed on, and finally thrown to the ground by the jaguar statue:
-->"[[ImOkay I'm okay]]!"\\
''(The jaguar steps on him)''\\
''(muffled)'' "I'm still okay!"
* Miguel and Tulio's first test as gods in El Dorado, involving the conveniently erupting volcano.
** Tulio's BigWordShout causes all the smoke to retreat back into the volcano. Then it lets out a cough.
* After the duo is found and dragged before Cortez, he coolly informs them that they will be flogged, locked up and brought along to Cuba, where they will be flogged ''again'' and used as slave labor for the rest of their lives.
-->'''Miguel:''' Al''right'' - [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Cuba!]]
* Upon seeing the giant stone jaguar, Miguel and Tulio perform the best [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl girly scream]] ''ever '''in unison'''''
** [[DelayedReaction ...only after taking two seconds to process what just happened]].
* The crown jewel of the film is after Chel convinces the boys to let her in on the con and reveals that she swiped Tulio's loaded dice.
-->'''Tulio''': ''(snatches the dice)'' Hey, how'd you get those?\\
'''Miguel''': ''(behind him with a [[FunnyBackgroundEvent suspicious look]])'' [[{{Hammerspace}} Where was she]] ''[[VictoriasSecretCompartment keeping]]'' them?
** Immediately afterward, Chel gives them their ceremonial clothes to change into. And then ''doesn't leave when they start undressing.''
--->'''Tulio''': ''(raises eyebrow)'' Uh, do you mind?\\
'''Chel''': ''(without a shred of shame)'' No. -- ''Oh!'' Oh. Sorry. ''(starts to back out of the room, but [[EatingTheEyeCandy keeps staring]] and eventually closes the curtain after thoroughly checking them out)'' Bye.
* Their excuse for not sacrificing an innocent man to Xibalba:
-->'''Tulio''': The stars are not in position for this tribute!\\
'''Miguel''': ''(behind him, dragging the helpless man to safety, utterly deadpan)'' Like he says. ''({{beat}})'' Stars. ''(beat)'' Can't do it. ''(disappears for a beat, only to stick his head back in the frame)'' Not today.
** Tzekel-Kan's face when he's told this is fantastic, and is best described "Oh shit, are you serious?" by [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5336125/1/A_Road_to_El_Dorado_Parody this abridged fic.]]
** Hit MemeticMutation status, particularly on Website/{{Tumblr}}. Pretty much every second post under the movie's tag is about the stars.
* "Excuse me, I have to go gloat over my gold."
* Miguel and an angelic choir seem about to launch into another [[Film/MontyPythonandtheHolyGrail song]] as he looks out at El Dorado before Tulio stops it, complete with a record scratch sound effect.
* The entire "lay low" sequence.
* Tzekel-Kan [[BlackComedy starts in on about human sacrifice again]] with Tulio.
-->'''Tzekel-Kan''': Do you wish to have your victims bound to an altar, or would you prefer them free-range?
** At the end of the conversation, Tulio and Chel make a hasty exit.
--->'''Tzekel-Khan''': Finally...''[wipes away a tear]'' We're connecting!
* After the two get themselves in deeper trouble, Tulio gives Miguel a ''withering'' DeathGlare.
-->'''Miguel''': Well don't blame me!\\
'''Tulio''': '''''I blame you!'''''
* Many of Chel's SilentSnarker moments.
* "Apparently, El Dorado is native for [[PunctuatedForEmphasis great. Big. ROCK!]]" Tulio's finest ham.
-->'''Miguel''': Do you think Cortes could have gotten here before us and --\\
'''Tulio''': And what?! Taken all the ''really'' big rocks? The scoundrel!
** That line was even funnier in the Norwegian dub, where Tulio really drags out the vowels: ''"Stor. Svær. STEEIIIIN!"''
* A few funny scenes come from the duo's imprisonment in Cortez's brig. For example, Tulio's plan on escaping, which he comes up with after spending a lot of time in the brig literally banging his head against the wall.
-->'''Tulio''': Here's the plan. In the dead of night you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those, uh, longboats, and then we ''row back to Spain like there's no mañana!''\\
'''Miguel''': Back to Spain? Yeah?\\
'''Tulio''': Yeah!\\
'''Miguel:''' In a rowboat?\\
'''Tulio''': You got it.\\
'''Miguel''': Great. Sensational. And, and that's, that's your plan, is it?\\
'''Tulio''': That's... pretty much it.\\
''({{beat}})''\\
'''Miguel''': [[SincerityMode Well, I like it!]] So, how do we get on deck?\\
''({{beat}})''\\
'''Tulio''': In the dead of night you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those, uh, longboats--
** Later, Miguel attempting to convince the horse, Altivo, to find them a prybar to escape their cell with in exchange for an apple.
--->'''Miguel''': All you have to do is find a prybar. A long piece of iron with a [[BuffySpeak hooky thing]] at the end.\\
'''Tulio''': Miguel, you're talking to a ''horse!''\\
'''Miguel''': That's it Altivo, find the prybar!\\
'''Tulio''': [[SarcasmMode Yes. "Find the prybar."]] He can't understand ''prybar''! He's a dumb horse. There's no way he-- ''(Altivo brings them the key to their cell. {{Beat}}.)'' Well, it's ''not'' a prybar.
** The two are making their escape after Altivo brings them the key, and the horse objects when Miguel hasn't given him his apple yet. Tulio grabs it and chucks it to Altivo, with it ricocheting off several surfaces and back off the side of the boat. Cut to Miguel and Tulio lowering their stolen rowboat slowly as Altivo sails past, having jumped off the side of the boat after the apple.
** The two are in the rowboat with minimal supplies and a horse and no idea of which way they need to go.
--->'''Miguel''': Look on the positive side! [[TemptingFate At least things can't get]] - ''[[[CueTheRain thunderclap, cue heavy rain]]]''\\
'''Tulio''': I'm sorry, [[LampshadeHanging were you going to say "WORSE"?!]]\\
'''Miguel:''' No.\\
'''Tulio:''' You're sure?\\
'''Miguel:''' Absolutely not. I've revised that whole thing.\\
'''Tulio:''' We're at least in a rowboat.\\
'''Miguel:''' We're in a rowboat, exactly.\\
(''they argue as the camera pulls out to show a few sharks following their boat'')
* This exchange near the end of the movie:
-->'''Tulio''': Okay... Here's the gate , here's the boat...\\
'''Chel''': Uh huh, and?\\
'''Tulio''': ''(rubs his forehead)'' Aaargh! Here's the gate...\\
'''Chel''': Uh huh, and?\\
'''Tulio''': ...here's the boat...\\
'''Chel''': Got that... and?\\
'''Tulio''': Well... Here's the goat, and here's the bait...\\
'''Chel''': TULIO!
* This bit, when introducing themselves to the city:
-->'''Miguel''': I am Miguel.\\
'''Tulio''': And I am Tulio.\\
'''Miguel''': ''(tries to dismount, snags his foot on Altivo's reins, recovers)'' And they call us [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs Miguel and Tulio!]]
* A more downplayed bit of humor but still funny:
-->'''Chel''': I want in.\\
'''Tulio''': In?\\
'''Chel''': On your scam.\\
'''Tulio''': (nervous laugh) [[BlatantLies Wha-there's no scam, why would you think there's a]]... ''Why''?
* Tzekel-Kan takes his evil magic potions with a [[UmbrellaDrink tiny umbrella in them]], apparently.
* When Tulio and Miguel are stuck in the brig of Cortez's ship, Tulio demonstrates his unique strategy for thinking up an escape plan.
-->'''Tulio:''' ''(smacking his forehead on one of the support beams, having left a sizeable dent in the wood)''\\
'''Miguel:''' So, um, how's the escape plan coming?\\
'''Tulio:''' ''(looks up from the post with a glimmer of hope, or possibly concussion)'' Wait... wait wait wait, I-I'm getting something... ''(goes back to smacking his forehead in time with the music)''
* "[[OhCrap HOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLY]] ''[[LastSecondWordSwap SHIP!]]''"
** This is even funnier when you remember that it's a conquistador's ship, which quite literally IS a [[GeniusBonus holy ship]]!
* At one point, during the song "The Trail We Blaze", Miguel and Tulio are standing by a river and Miguel is cutting through a lot of foliage. Exasperated, Tulio jumps into the river and wades through it, indicating that they could also cross. Unfortunately, Tulio ends up getting leeches on his back and Miguel has to pick them off.
* "On the one hand: GOLD. On the other hand:" (points to a tapestry of a man getting his heart ripped out) "''PAINFUL AGONIZING FAILURE!''"
** This, not unlike the Stars, has reached meme levels.
* "YOW! Your horse bit me in the BUTT!"
* Of course, Miguel and Tulio get found out eventually:
-->'''Tzekel-Kan:''' [[PunctuatedForEmphasis You! Are not! GODS!]]\\
''({{beat}})''\\
'''Tulio:''' ''(points at Miguel)'' ''You're'' not a god? You lied to me?
** Miguel than blames Tulio and says the entire thing was his idea. Tzekel-Kan lets out a FlatWhat in response before the duo start bickering, letting out all of their frustration at each other, and [[EvilIsPetty he stands by, enjoying the show as much as the audience.]] That is of course until the two wind up to punch each other, but as they are about to hit each other they punch ''him'' to the edge of the cliff.
* When Miguel and Tulio use vines to avoid the jaguar statue, it leaps at Tzekel-Kan instead. He's understandably dismayed, and the jaguar statue's jaw drops off. It's almost too quick to notice. Makes one wonder if the jaguar did the air quotes when Tzekel-Kan first unleashed him.
* As they're once again led to what they assume is their deaths:
-->'''Miguel:''' Tulio, I just want to let you know, [[NoodleIncident I'm sorry about that girl in Barcelona.]]\\
'''Tulio:''' So, you -- you ''f--''\\
'''Tzekel-Kan:''' [[CurseCutShort BEHOLD!]]
* "Big smile! Like you mean it!"
* Miguel has talked Tulio into looking for El Dorado... but is not entirely sure where it is.
--> '''Miguel''': We'll follow the trail!\\
'''Tulio''': ''What'' trail?\\
'''Miguel''': The trail that we blaze! (''Hacks at overgrowth... to reveal a massive lump of rock. [[{{Beat}} Ten second pause]], then Miguel points further down the beach'') ...''That'' trail that we blaze!\\
'''Tulio:''' [[ThisIsGoingToSuck Oh, boy.]]
* After they realize they've just landed on the area that corresponds to the map, and Miguel spins Tulio stories of a fabulously rich city to convince him to explore:
--> '''Miguel:''' ...But you don't want to go, so...let's get back into the boat and row back to Spain. After all, [[SarcasmMode it worked so well last time]].\\
'''Tulio:''' (spastic gibberish) Wait! Wait a minute. New plan. We find the city of gold, we ''take'' the gold, and ''then'' we go back to Spain.\\
'''Miguel:''' And BUY Spain!
* [[https://imgur.com/a/bgT42Yq A post on Tumblr]] describing the movie as a D&D campaign with bizarre streak of 1s and 20s, which is strangely fitting especially when you remember Miguel and Tulio were using a pair of dice at the beginning.
** In a similar vein, there's another tumblr post describing it as why the bard and rogue shouldn't go on their own adventure together, with an argument that says the movie is why the bard and rogue ''[[RuleOfFunny should]]'' go on their own adventure together.
* In a ''"blink and you'll miss it"'' moment when Tzekel-Kan goes to sacrifice someone as a form of celebration for Miguel and Tulio's arrival, he pulls [[https://imgur.com/a/A676Q46 this face]] before revealing the human sacrifice.