* Jensen, showing his ingenuity, by using whatever he could find in the middle of the Bolivian jungle[[ItMakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext ...to make toy dinosaurs...and have them hump.]]
* "That's right, bitches! I got a crossbow!"
* "I'm the black Series/{{MacGyver|1985}} -- [=BlaGyver!=]"
* "You call me Legless Pooch again, and you'll be Headless Jensen."
** "I like Legless Pooch! It makes you sound like a pirate!"
* The scene in the van where Pooch [[OrderedApology makes Clay and Roque apologize to each other.]]
--> '''Pooch''': Don't you two feel so much better?
--> '''Clay and Roque''': '''''No.'''''
--> '''Pooch:''' Well, I don't give a shit...cuz I do! Alright, I say we go watch Jensen get himself killed, yeah?
* Even [[TheQuietOne Cougar]] gets his own sort of funny moment that's also a crowning moment of badass.
--> '''Poocu:''' You know that if we do this, we're waging a war against the entire Central Intelligence Agency.
--> '''Cougar:''' They started it.
* The entire scene involving Jensen infiltrating the office building.
** With the crown jewel being this bit:
--> '''Jensen:''' *pulls out finger guns* I'm warning you, I'm a lethal killing machine. It was a secret government experiment. They did stuff to me, spooky stuff...anal stuff. Turned me into a dangerous telekinetic. As the ancient Tibetan prophecy states..."Don't start none; won't be none."
--> '''Security Guard:''' *reaches for his holster and pulls out a pair of handcuff* Telekinetic your way outta this.
--> '''Jensen:''' Pow! Boom!! *with each noise, the security guards on either side get blasted off their feet, points his fingers at the last guard standing, does a Clint Eastwood impersonation* Face down, or I'll make your heart stop beatin' with my mind.
** The funniest bit? It's set to [[Music/JourneyBand Don't Stop Beliving.]] Made even funnier when it gets used again during the credits scene.
** "Hi, [[Film/TheMatrix Mr. Anderson]], this is [[StealthPun Richard Hertz]] from Internal Affairs..."
* Pooch and Jensen finding transportation to get them and the kids away from the impending explosion:
--> '''Pooch:''' (''finding a broken down yellow school bus in their search for an escape vehicle'') Ah!
--> '''Jensen:''' No!
--> '''Pooch:''' Yeah!
--> '''Jensen:''' Really?
--> '''Pooch:''' Why not!
--> '''Jensen:''' Can you?
--> '''Pooch:''' Of course!
--> '''Jensen:''' ...Okay.
* "Sssssssshit! She's got a gun...and it's pointed at my dick, Clay! It's pointed at my DICK, Clay!!!"
* Pretty much ANYTHING that comes out of Jensen's mouth is a hoot.
* The '''entirety''' of the mid-credits soccer scene. The highlight being Jensen getting into a fight with the coach.
--> '''Jensen:''' THIS IS WORSE THAN THE NBA!!!
** [[ActorAllusion "YOU DON'T DESERVE TO WEAR THOSE STRIPES!!!"]]
* "Ready to take a giant step for...guys who steal stuff I guess."
* 'What the hell was that? That was a 'hit him in the face' nod, not a 'throw him off the roof' nod.' Max is an evil bastard, but damn if he isn't [[LaughablyEvil hilarious]].
->'''Max:''' Do you have any fours?
->'''Scientist:''' Go fish?
-> '''Max (looks at his hand, revealing he has several fours):''' You actually have two fours...two. You don't know how to play this game, do you?
* Max getting mugged at the end. It makes it better just how nonchalantly he takes it.
* Jensen tries to flirt with Aisha before the truck heist. It goes...about as well can be expected for Jensen.
--> '''Jensen:''' So...where ya from...originally?
--> '''Aisha:''' I grew up in the wilds of northern Africa.
--> '''Jensen:''' Wow, so...that must've been...*beat*...sandy. Do you have any hobbies?
--> '''Aisha:''' When I was little, I collected human ears.
--> '''Jensen:''' [[SociallyAwkwardHero ...Good times.]]
* Pooch after getting shot in the leg gets asked twice if he can stand. His responses are as follows:
--> '''Pooch, the first time he's asked:''' I've been shot...in '''''BOTH''''' my legs. What kind of dumbass question is that, really?!
--> '''Pooch, the second time:''' Oh, oh, this is Stupid Question Day! This is Stupid Question Day, and nobody decided to tell me. [[SarcasmMode Nah, it's cool. It's all good.]]
* This exchange during the final confrontation between Clay & Max:
--> '''Max''': "So, since you can't shoot me..."
--> '''Clay''': ''* shoots Max in the shoulder *''
* Or this exchange:
--> '''Roque''': If anything smells like a trap, I get to put a bullet in your skull. Does that sound fair?
--> '''Aisha''': That sounds like fun.
--> '''Jensen''': Sounds like my parents.
* Max may be an arrogant, obnoxious, unlikable asshole...but he's a FUNNY, arrogant, obnoxious, unlikable asshole. And Wade plays off of him surprisingly well.
--> '''Max:''' What do you believe in, Wade? I'm guessing shotguns and big titties.
--> '''Wade:''' I also enjoy air shows and beer.
...
--> '''Max:''' What am I looking at here, Wade?
--> '''Wade:''' [[AccidentalInnuendo Clay and his unit.]]
--> '''Max:''' "Clay and his unit?" [[LampshadeHanging That sounds like a porno, Wade.]]
...
--> '''Max:''' You get me that 18-man firing squad I asked for?
--> '''Wade:''' Yeah.
--> '''Max:''' Okay. Change of plan. Kill 'em.
--> '''Wade:''' Kill my 18 guys?
--> '''Max:''' Or fire 'em. Whichever's easiest.
--> '''Wade:''' Honestly? Firing them.
--> '''Max:''' Okay. You give them intel on Clay's people?
--> '''Wade:''' Yeah...
--> '''Max:''' Aaaand we're back to killing them.
--> '''Wade:''' ...Fine. What're we doing instead?
--> '''Max:''' What's the matter? You related to them?
--> '''Wade:''' Actually, one of them, yeah.
--> '''Max:''' By blood?
--> '''Wade:''' A brother-in-law. I said I'd kill him. What're we doing?
* Clay seems to have some really...interesting lady problems.
--> '''Roque:''' Think you're thinking clear on this? Huh? 'Cuz every time we mess up, it's because of a woman.
--> '''Clay:''' Name one time that I...
--> '''Roque:''' Amber.
--> '''Clay:''' Amber wasn't the problem, Amber's husband was the problem.
--> '''Pooch:''' Amber's husband wasn't the one who shot you.
--> '''Clay:''' [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction It was only in the leg.]]
--> '''Jensen:''' What about Emma?
--> '''Clay:''' Emma doesn't count. I didn't sleep with Emma.
--> '''Roque:''' No, because she put a bomb in your car!
--> '''Clay:''' All right, I admit...that did take a little of the romance out of the relationship.
* Roque's funny moments tend to be [[TallDarkAndSnarky snarky]] one-liners.
--> '''Roque:''' Really, bro? "Hi, what's your name"? "I have no legs, but I wanna take you on a date"?
...
--> '''Roque:''' Oh, gee, I sure hope nobody sees us in this bright, banana-yellow Pinto...
--> '''Clay:''' Are you ashamed to be seen in an American classic?
--> '''Roque:''' ...This is an American classic?
...
--> '''Roque:''' Yeah, no it's a helluva plan. Ya know what? Pooch can set up over there by the taco stand, and Jensen could set up communications right there by the hookers.