* On the first day of new recruit training, we get this little gem from Billy Connoly's character:
--> '''Gant:''' ''RIGHT,'' [[DrillSergeantNasty YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! YOU WILL STAND UP STRAIGHT OR I WILL PERSONALLY SHIT-KICK EVERY FAR EASTERN BUTTOCK THAT APPEARS BEFORE MY EYES!!!]]
--->''(the recruits fearfully stand up straight, despite the fact that Gant was speaking in English)''
--> '''Algren:''' Well done, sergeant.
--> '''Gant:''' When you understand the language, sir, everything falls into place.
* Algren and his one-sided conversation with the samurai assigned to guard him.
-->''I just realized, I've been remiss. Forgive me, I forgot to thank you for looking out for me yesterday. That is your job, correct? Protecting me. Well done 'Bob.' You don't mind if I call you Bob, do you? I knew a Bob once; God, he was ugly as a mule. Are you a ladies man, Bob?''
* Simon Graham (Timothy Spall) getting past security by pretending that Algren is the United States President.
** Come to ''personally'' [[AuthorityEqualsAsskicking lead Omura's army into battle, no less.]]
** It's perfectly complemented by Cruise's expression of "Wait, what!?" when Graham is making his proclamation.
--> '''Algren:''' ''President of the United States''!?
--> '''Graham:''' Sorry. I think I'm going to be sick.
** And Graham's perfectly feigned outrage when the guard draws his sword
--> '''Graham:''' You insolent, useless son of a peasant dog! How dare you show your sword in his presence! Do you know who this is?
* Katsumoto, Algren, and their small, outdated army ride back from the brief negotiation with Omura and Bagley and their much bigger and better equipped army. Katsumoto's officers gather to hear what happened and Katsumoto gives them a flippant comment. Doubles as GallowsHumor, since they know that the battle will likely be a LastStand.
--> '''Katsumoto''': Well, they're not surrendering.