!!The main game:
* In the very beginning of the game, Joel's trolling of his daughter when she presents him with a watch for his birthday present.
** And there's this.
--> '''Joel''': Where did you get the money for this?
--> '''Sarah''': [[BlatantLies Drugs.]] [[SarcasmMode I sell]] [[DeadpanSnarker hardcore drugs.]]
* Ellie's completely out-of-the-blue attempts to learn how to whistle.
-->'''Ellie''': (''starts blowing extremely hard'')
-->'''Joel''': Are you alright?
-->'''Ellie''': I'm trying to learn how to whistle.
-->'''Joel''': You don't know how to whistle?
-->'''Ellie''': Well, does it sound like I know how to whistle?
** Then, later on...
--->'''Ellie''': (''starts whistling successfully, then gasps, then whistles again'') I'm whistling! (''continues whistling'')
--->'''Joel''': [[SarcasmMode Oh, good.]] [[MostAnnoyingSound Something else you can drive me crazy with.]]
--->'''Ellie''': That's awesome.
** Doubly funny because players might be startled by Ellie's initial attempts at whistling, not realizing it's her and not some monster.
* After meeting Bill:
-->'''Ellie''': We're here because you owe Joel some favors, and you can start by taking these off! (''referring to handcuffs dangling from her wrist'')
-->'''Bill''': I owe Joel some favors... is this some kind of joke?
-->'''Joel''': I'll cut to the chase: I need a car.
-->'''Bill''': Well, it is a joke. Joel needs a car! Well, if I had one that works, which I sure as hell don't, what makes you think I'd just give it to you? Huh? "Yeah sure, Joel, go ahead, take my car! Take all my food too, while you're at it!"
-->'''Ellie''': [[DeadpanSnarker By the looks of it, you could lose some of that food.]]
-->'''Bill''': (''points knife at her'') You listen to me, you little shit -
-->'''Ellie''': No, fuck you! You handcuffed me!
* When Bill asks what was Joel's job:
-->'''Bill''': What are ya deliverin', the little brat?
-->'''Ellie''': Ha ha. Fuck you too.
-->'''Bill''': (''[[ActuallyPrettyFunny suddenly cracks up]]'')
* One of Ellie and Bill's banter while they're looking for a car to fix:
-->'''Ellie''': [[TheWatson So...why don't you fix one these cars?]] (''referring to the mass of broken down cars'')
-->'''Bill''': [[SarcasmMode Oh my God, you're a genius. I mean the whole time, why on earth hadn't I thought about fixin' one of these cars?]]
-->'''Ellie''': Okay, don't be a dick...
-->'''Bill''': The tires are rotten and the batteries are dead.
* While Bill and Joel load shotguns in the former's armory, Bill notices Ellie touching a pile of magazines (when he explicitly told her in the beginning of the cutscene not to touch anything), resulting in this exchange.
-->'''Bill''': Hey! What did I say to you when we walked down the steps?! What did I say?!
-->'''Ellie''': [[HilariousInHindsight I'm just]] [[BlatantLies fixing your stupid pile!]]
-->'''Bill''': [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Don't. Touch.]]
-->'''Ellie''': (''sighs, then [[FlippingTheBird flips Bill off]]'')
* GameplayAndStorySegregation kicks in when Bill storms around the infected and then tells you to be quiet.
* After the three have fought off some infected:
-->'''Bill:''' ''(paraphrased)'' I told you so, you need to set up more traps and get a better lookout ''(goes on talking to himself)''...
-->'''Ellie:''' Great, now he's talking to himself.
-->'''Joel:''' Er, yeah... Bill?
-->'''Bill:''' ...''(still talking)'' - ''Joel?'' This way.
* This exchange, after [[spoiler: almost getting killed looking for a car that has already been scavenged for parts]].
-->'''Bill''': Somebody had the same idea, [[spoiler: they stole my shit]].
-->'''Joel''': Well, then what the hell is Plan B?
-->'''Bill''': You should be thankful you're still drawing breath! That was Plan A, B, C, all the fucking way to Z!
* After leaving Bill's town, Ellie reveals she "borrowed" some things from Bill:
-->'''Ellie''': I'm sure your "friend" will be missing this tonight. ''(pulls out gay porn mag)'' Light on the reading, but it has some good photos.
-->'''Joel''': Now Ellie, that ain't for kids.
-->'''Ellie''': Woah! How the -- ''how the hell would you even walk around with that thing?!''
-->'''Joel''': Get rid of that. Just--
-->'''Ellie''': Hold your horses, I wanna see what the fuss is about. ''Why are these pages stuck together?''
-->'''Ellie''': ''(laughs)'' I'm just fucking with you!
** Just the fact one of the things she borrowed is a gay porn magazine, really.
* "I really miss coffee."
* Ellie reading a joke book filled with the most terrible puns to Joel. He actually groans throughout it.
** And then there's one pun that he actually finds pretty funny.
** Oh let's not kid ourselves here, most of those puns are gold.
* Joel, Ellie, Henry and Sam finding an ice cream truck. When told what it is, Ellie has a hard time believing it.
-->'''Ellie''': You're totally fucking with me!
* After seeing Sam and Ellie play darts, Joel can have a throw too. [[spoiler: After much build up, he hits the wall.]]
* After solving a puzzle, Ellie demands a high-five for "Teamwork!" and there's actually a button prompt to do it. Take the prompt for the rare and wondrous sight of a man using his whole body to convey an eyeroll.
* Joel's exasperation at Ellie's selection of their horse's name:
-->'''Joel''': What kind of name is Callus, anyway?
* The sniper's log at Eastern Colorado University records people being let in and out. The entry for October 31:
--> 10 million werewolves IN. ''(Let 'em in just for you, Andrea. Happy Halloween!)''
* When Joel and Ellie are searching the science building for the Fireflies, they keep hearing loud noises. When they finally reach the source, they find that it's merely the monkeys they saw before. Ellie then delivers the golden line in the most deadpan manner possible:
-->'''Ellie''': Well, maybe in all that research, they turned into fucking monkeys.
* "Once we clean up this mess we're gonna have a town meeting and put his leadership up to vote." The civility of the line in context makes it ARareSentence gold. [[spoiler: While hunting Ellie one of the cannibals says this about David.]]
* When Joel finds Ellie [[spoiler: on the operating table with a surgeon attempting to fend off him with a scalpel,]] it is possible to throw a brick at his face... only that he ignores the brick entirely, even through it breaks apart on his face.
* The... "[[ExactWords alternate ending]]" to the game. [[spoiler:The director told Marlene's actress to sing her lines in what was originally the game's final cutscene. Creator/TroyBaker took it completely in stride and began to sing with her.]] See [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oSFFSu57yU here]].
* There's a bit of dark humor when Tess and Joel confront Robert [[spoiler:after Robert tries to kill them both]].
-->'''Robert:''' Tess. Joel. No hard feelings, right?
-->'''Tess:''' None at all. ''(picks up a metal pipe)''
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeQdHWKR8PM Ellie's swearing compilation]]
* When Joel, Tess, and Ellie run past a partially-elevated metal door, closing it just behind Joel as Runners close in on them. Ellie notes to him that he has something on his shoe -- the severed left forearm of one of those Runners. Joel simply grunts softly and casually shakes it off.
* Ellie finds a toy skull with answers to yes or no questions named Skeleseer. Doesn't take long before she asks [[ACupAngst "Am I ever getting boobs or what?"]] Skelseer's answer: "The spirits are quiet". When Skelseer declares Riley to be funnier than Ellie, she responds with "Well, Skeleseer can suck my dick."
** What makes this funnier is the later revelation that Ellie is into girls. [[DoubleEntendre Suddenly the question on getting boobs takes on a whole new meaning.]]
* Gamers are treated to a new set of puns from Ellie's book. That is, if they can stand them.
* The whole arcade sequence where Riley coaches Ellie on how to play one of the arcade. Thing is, said arcade is busted and Ellie is mostly imagining it though Riley's descriptions. Which then include button prompts that ''you'' have to press.
* Ellie and Riley in the photo booth. "What's a Facebook?"
* This troper found it darkly humorous that you can throw bricks and bottles to lure Infected and the Cannibals to clash with each other.
** Then there's the infected pulling a BigDamnHeroes moment for Ellie when she's outnumbered by enemies trying to reach Joel. After they've finished them for her, picking them off from the second floor becomes child's play, even on Survivor.
* '''"BRICK. FUCKING. MASTER!"'''
* At one point when scavenging the mall looking for supplies for Joel, Ellie is startled by a cat. A few seconds later the same cat knocks over something when running across some vents, prompting Ellie to yell "Jesus! Are you trying to kill me?"