* Kevin James on a stripper pole. 'Nuff said.
** Some would consider this a CMOA as well.
* "Why don't you become a superhero- Captain Neckfat!"
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGCca8rUz6U The entirety of Arthur's subway skipping escapade with Spencer.]]
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iboyki7hk8c#t=45s Doug finishing his song]] for his ex-girlfriend Margy after an argument between the two of them about how he never finishes anything. He later gets the song put on an album called "I Told You I Wrote The Damn Thing".
* In "The Whine Country" Doug screws Carrie out of a vacation in Paris by wanting to go on a trip around the country in an RV. She retalitates by inviting her father along, resulting in this exchange, which always makes me laugh out loud:
--> '''Doug''': (pounding on hand for emphasis) I don't want your father in my Roadbird.
--> '''Carrie''': Why not? We got that great table bed, right?
--> '''Doug''': Yes we do. But I don't want to eat breakfast on a table that recently held your father's ass. That's ass breakfast!!
* "Hey, you know what? I just figured out what I want for dinner! A nice hot bowl of shut-it stew!"
** Any shutty variations. In no order: Shutty, Shut it uppie, Shutty town, Shut up sickle, shut it stew, shut it up industries, and "once again, this area, shutty shutty!"
* From "Animal Attraction" ("Mother of ass!"), we also have "Wild Cards" ("I hate my own ass!") and Doug singing "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)" from the episode "G'Night Stalker".
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLVvaQI68jE The entire argument about dirty dishes.]]:
--> ''(Arthur is seen putting away two coffee mugs, then Doug comes in with a box of dishwasher soap and Arthur closes the cabinet.)''
--> '''Doug:''' Arthur, what are you doing?
--> '''Arthur:''' [[DeadpanSnarker What does it look like I'm doing, ''Einstein''?]] ''(he closes the dishwasher)''
--> '''Doug:''' [[CaptainObvious It looks like you're unloading dirty dishes, Einstein.]]
--> '''Arthur:''' They're ''clean'', Einstein!
--> '''Doug:''' No, they're dirty. I just loaded them, and I went to the store to get a box of detergent, Einstein.
--> '''Arthur:''' [[PoorCommunicationKills Well why didn't you leave a note saying that]], ''Einstein?!''
--> '''Doug:''' Stop calling me "Einstein"!
--> '''Arthur:''' [[NoYou STOP CALLING]] ''[[NoYou ME]]'' [[NoYou "EINSTEIN"!!!]]
--> '''Doug:''' No big deal, okay? We'll just reload the dishwasher... ''(he opens the cabinet)'' and wash em. Okay, now, which of these did you already put away?
--> '''Arthur:''' Let's see, I definitely remember putting away a blue bowl with big white and yellow sunflowers on it.
--> '''Doug:''' Okay, we don't own anything close to that.
--> '''Arthur:''' [[CaptainObvious We might have a problem.]]
--> '''Doug:''' All right, then we have no other choice, we're just gonna have to wash everything we own.
--> ''(Doug sighs before looking into the utensils drawer, before looking in the cabinet again. Then he closes the drawer and cabinet)''
--> '''Doug:''' [[LetUsNeverSpeakOfThisAgain This never happened.]]
--> '''Arthur:''' Right-o.
* In "Lost Vegas", Doug allows Carrie to go to a wellness spa in hopes of earning "credit" so he can go to Vegas with his pals. Carrie is suspicious, but Doug claims to be a "new and improved Doug." After the Vegas trip falls through, he tries to get something else out of the deal, resulting in this exchange:
--> '''Carrie''': Oh my God, there's no new and improved Doug, there's just the same old lying, selfish Doug.
--> '''Doug''': I like to refer to it as "Doug Classic."
* Also, "Trash Talking" featuring Jon Favreau as Doug's "enemy" from junior high. Some of the highlights:
--> "''[Doug laughs as Sean leaves, then shuts the door]'' I hate that son of a bitch."
--> "Have fun playing with your pal Sean [=McGay=]. Man, I wish I'd thought of that back in junior high."
--> "Don't play? What are you, on pot?"
--> "Too much cheese? In-sanity!"
--> "Did you lick it?"
--> '''Carrie''': Didn't you once tell me you ate that feed they have at petting zoos?"
--> '''Doug''': My sister told me if I did I could grow a mustache."
* In the first season, Doug finds out that ''all'' the women of Carrie's family stay slim easily up to a certain point, then suddenly start gaining ''a lot''. He catches himself looking at her stomach and worrying about the fact that she can no longer fit in her wedding dress. So he tells her that, to be romantic, he's going to carry her up to bed. But as soon as he lifts her in bridal position across both arms, he jiggles her to see if he can see or feel any extra fat. On the same subject, the whole concept of Carrie worrying about gaining weight is hilarious. Special mention goes to the scene where Doug tries on Carrie's mother's dress to try and prove to Carrie that even if she does eventually get fat enough to fit the dress, she will still be thinner than him, only to find out that he's ''too small for it.''
* The epic ChaseScene in the time share episode.
* Doug working out... to "Angel is a Centerfold". Or just working out period.
* [[spoiler:Spence]] sending Doug several stalker messages [[spoiler:just to get back at him for saying that he was a victim instead of a prankster.]]
* From "Roamin' Holiday": BOOOM, I just scored on yo WHITE ASS!!
* Doug's Internal Monologue from "Sparin' Carrie".
* Everything that comes out of Arthur's mouth.
** Or Doug's.
* Doug's heavily edited card to Carrie in "Crappy Birthday":
--> ''You are nothing less to me than a bilgistic pile of love meat.''
** And furthermore, the fact that a drunk and loopy Carrie thinks this is a beautiful and romantic sentiment.
* The entirety of "Strike Out", especially the montage of Doug, Deacon and Arthur going around pranking and stuff, set to an utterly awesome rap song ("FIGHT THE POWER!").
* The scene from "Hero Worship" of Doug working as a cashier as child. When a customer complains Doug didn't give him the right change. Doug literary runs away.
** There's also Doug's line ''"I think we know what the stink is. The stink of betrayal"''.
* Adam Sandler and Doug egging someone who pushes around Sandler's character. But this quickly goes south when Adam Sandler starts talking about ''kidnapping'' the said person.
* Lou Ferrigno has some thoughts on Arthur's screenplay.
-->'''Lou:''' Well, Arthur, I read ''Considering Sandy'', and to tell you the truth, I'm a little confused.\\
'''Arthur:''' Confused about what?\\
'''Lou:''' Well, first of all, [[OneSteveLimit there's at least three characters named Mike]].\\
'''Arthur:''' Let me ask you something, Lou: have you ever met anyone else named Lou?\\
'''Lou:''' Well, yes.\\
'''Arthur:''' {{Slice of life}}, my friend. I just writes it like I sees it. So, what's the next step? Can you get me a meeting at the William-Morris office?\\
'''Lou:''' I don't think so.\\
'''Arthur:''' I understand your problem. Even though you're not right for the lead role of Smithy, I have the perfect role for you: Henchman #2.\\
'''Lou:''' That's another thing; there's no Henchman #1.
* In Mammary Lane: "It was a mercy flirt!"
* In the Season 6 episode "Secret Garden", Danny Heffernan is working and managing a landscaping side business. The situation he finds himself in leads to a HeelRealization moment.
-->'''Danny:''' What was I thinking? I can't run a business. Oh, man! WHY DID I LISTEN TO THAT FORTUNE COOKIE?! I HATE ME!
* In the Season 7 episode "Van, Go", Arthur and his friend George Barksdale put together a small casino party in the Heffernan house, trying to make some money for a trip on a senior cruise. The event initially goes in their favor, and they both decide to obtain money from someone who has not been gambling and stayed relatively quiet.
-->'''George:''' How's it going so far?\\
'''Arthur:''' We already have enough for the cruise ''plus'' a little left over for matching bolo ties.\\
'''George:''' Let's wrap it up. ''[claps hands together]''\\
'''Arthur:''' But if we go another half-hour, we can have separate cabins. That way if one of us is lucky, dentures with a lovely, the other one doesn't have to sleep in the hall.\\
'''George:''' ''[points]'' Look at Josephine. She's eating her weight in Cheez-Its and hasn't played a nickel.\\
'''Arthur:''' ''[hushed tone]'' Oh, she's loaded; got hit by a bus 5 years ago.\\
'''George:''' That's city money. Talk to her, I'll cover for you.
* In the series finale, after adopting a baby, Carrie tells Doug the unexpected news that she's pregnant. Doug's reaction?
-->'''Doug:''' ''(referring to their adopted baby)'' What do we do with this one?