* "''She'' was six feet of black dynamite! ''He'' was a short Hasidic Jew!" And all the rest of the following trailer. If only ''Cleopatra Schwartz'' had actually been made..
* "And Featuring Donald Sutherland as The Clumsy Waiter!"
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qve4RQUQ34U#t=1m16s One of the kung-fu mooks missing his flying kick]] in ''A Fistful of Yen''.
* "Rex Kramer... Danger Seeker." [[spoiler:"NIGGERS!"]]
* The very first line in the film: [[spoiler: "The popcorn you're eating has been pissed in, film at eleven."]]
* All of the "Joy of Sex Album" sketch is hilarious, but it truly transitions into greatness with the introduction of "BIG JIM SLADE!" [crash]
* The logic behind the United Appeal for the Dead: "Despite millions of dollars of research, [[ShapedLikeItself Death continues to be our nation's number one killer.]]"
* Klahn's carefully sorted collection of prisoners.
-->'''Klahn:''' These are drunks who do not know where they are, and no longer care.\\
'''Klahn:''' These are drunks who do not know where they are, but ''do'' care.\\
'''Klahn:''' And these people know where they are, and care, but don't drink.\\
'''Prisoner:''' Where am I?\\
'''Klahn:''' (to prisoner) Do you ''care?''\\
'''Klahn:''' (to guard) Put this man in the first cage, and give him a drink! (leaves)\\
'''Guard:''' What do you drink?\\
'''Prisoner:''' I don't care.
* Klahn shipping off a terrified [=CIA=] agent to Detroit.
** NOOOO! NOT DETROIT! NOT THAT!
* Klahn is not happy with some of his guards, so he forces three of them... to play out ''The Dating Game'' or else die.
** The guards names are Hung Well, Long Wang, and Enormous Genitals.
** The first guard's answer to how he'd do a first date [[spoiler:is so lame that Klahn's enforcer kills him before he can finish]].
** The second guard is asked a trick question: "If you were my alarm clock, how would you wake me?" "I wouldn't. [[IncrediblyLamePun I'm no ding-a-ling.]]" [[spoiler:He gets his back broken]].
** The third guard, realizing he's screwed, answers by [[AintTooProudToBeg praising Dr. Klahn's efforts]] for building an incredible fighting force. And it works... up until the guard says "Let's all give Dr. Klahn a big hand!" [[spoiler:Yeah, he dies for that little faux pas.]]
* The "HappyBirthdayToYou" joke in the courtroom sketch. It cost the filmmakers $10,000 for the rights and was worth every penny.