Thanks to Navin being dumb as a stump (not to mention the sheer ''silliness'' of this movie), there's too many to mention. To boil it down to the highlights:

* "[[ItMakesSenseInContext I was born a poor black child]]."
* Terminally white Navin can't keep time with the family's beloved blues music. Then he discovers easy listening, and becomes a ''human metronome.''
--> "This music ''speaks'' to me!"
* Navin's father, for as much as he loves his son, has some ''wonderful'' exasperated expressions when putting up with Navin's idiocy.
* "See that? That's shit. And this? Is Shinola." "Shit....... Shinola!" "Son, you're gonna be all right!"
** And as they walk away, [[FunnyBackgroundEvent Navin steps right in the not-Shinola.]]
* This exchange:
-->'''Mother:''' It's your birthday and it's time you knew. Navin, [[NarratingTheObvious you're not our natural born child.]]
-->'''Navin:''' ''[teary-eyed]'' ...I'm ''[[ObliviousAdoption not]]?''
-->'''Mother:''' You were left on our doorstep. But we raised you like you were one of us!
-->'''Navin:''' You mean I'm gonna ''stay'' this color?!
* "Damn these glasses, son!" "Yes, sir!" ''[to glasses]'' "I damn thee!"
* Navin finds out what his [[DoubleEntendre "special purpose"]] is for. He wishes his family was there for it, but maybe that'll happen in the future because he plans to use it a lot. He also expects extra money next week because his friend Patti has promised him a blowjob!
** Navin's brother struggles to not laugh as their grandmother reads the letter.
** As the letter wraps up:
--->'''Father:''' That Patti must be a sweet girl.
--->'''Mother:''' God bless her.
* Navin celebrates getting his name into the phonebook.
-->'''Navin:''' ''The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here!''\\
'''Harry:''' Boy, I wish I could get that excited about nothing.\\
'''Navin:''' 'Nothing'? Are you kidding? Page 73: Johnson, Navin R.! I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this book everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity – your name in print – that ''makes'' people. I'm in print! ''[at the camera, with a look of eager anticipation]'' Things are going to start happening to me ''now''.\\
''[[[DescriptionCut Cut to]] the Sniper picking a name at random out of a phonebook.]''\\
'''Sniper:''' Johnson, Navin R... sounds like a typical bastard.
** And the BrickJoke combining the past two, as he and Patti [[MakingLoveInAllTheWrongPlaces have sex on the Ferris Wheel]].
--->'''Navin''': First I get my name in the phone book, and now, I'm on your ass! You know, [[ReallyGetsAround I bet more people see that than the phone book]]!
* "HE HATES THESE CANS! STAY AWAY FROM THE CANS!"
** "We ain't got defective cans, we got a defective PERSON out there!"
* Navin writing to his mom that Marie looks exactly like her... [[{{Dissimile}} except she's White and blonde]].
* Navin and Marie's duet of "Tonight You Belong to Me" is a SugarWiki/{{Heartwarming Moment|s}}, until Marie randomly pulls out a cornet for a solo.
-->'''Navin:''' You know... while you were playing that just now, I had the craziest fantasy that I could rise up, float right down the end of this cornet, right through here, through these valves, right along this tube, come right up against your lips and give you a kiss.
-->'''Marie:''' Why didn't you?
-->'''Navin:''' I didn't wanna get spit on me.
* Navin's monologue to Marie about how much he loves her as she's sleeping next to him. Unless Bernadette Peters was actually asleep, she has the greatest poker face in human history.
* When Marie leaves a goodbye letter to Navin near the bathroom door, he accidentally gets it wet, causing the ink to run before attempting to read it... phonetically. HilarityEnsues.
* Marie's sincere reaction to finding Navin under the mud mask she's taking off instead of the old Jewish man she'd applied it to.
-->'''Marie:''' ''[to herself, gobsmacked]'' [[PrecisionFStrike Jesus, this shit really works.]]
* Navin wanting some fresh wine. None of this old stuff. Something from this year.
* "Well Mom, remember how, I always said I wanted a big house on a hill?" And [[OverlyLongGag then some...]]
** "And remember how I always used to chit-chat with dad about [[OverlyNarrowSuperlative having a bathtub shaped like a clam]]?"
** "Well, I got that too!"
* "I'm gonna buy you a diamond so big, it's gonna make you PUKE!!"
* Navin's reaction to a visiting foreign priest showing him footage of an evil that plagues his home country: cat juggling.
-->'''Navin:''' Father ... [[ThereIsNoGod could there be a God that would let this happen?]]
** Before that: "Father, [[CaptainObvious you seem like a religious man]]."
* The entire "[[https://youtu.be/rSWBuZws30g and that's all I need]]" scene.
* The punchline to the FramingDevice of Navin recounting the story to... well, [[BreakingTheFourthWall us]] when his brother finds him asks if he's Navin Johnson, born in Mississippi and inventor of the Opti-Grab. "I was just telling ''these'' people!!"
* The ending: His family strikes it "rich", and Navin moves back home. Their old, crappy house is torn down and, as Navin says in narration, "we built us a bigger one." Looking closely, you'll notice that it's the exact same house as before, but ''proportionately'' larger (complete with a nine-foot-high front door).

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