Most if not all of the film's funniest moments involve VillainProtagonist Tuco in some form or another.
* One of the best visual jokes involves Tuco and Blondie who, disguised as Confederates, spot an approaching army riding towards them. Noticing their grey uniforms, Tuco starts cheering for the South and spouting curses at the Yankees... until the soldiers come closer and start to shake the grey dust of the desert out of their blue uniforms.
--> '''Tuco''': God's on our side because he hates the Yanks too!
--> '''Blondie''': God's not on our side because he hates idiots also.
** The bandit forgets General Lee's name.
* The scene where Tuco tries to convince Blondie to tell him the name on the grave. [[HypocriticalHumor "It's lucky you weren't alone out there!"]] Blondie's response to this: [[UnsoundEffect *coffee!*]]
* Tuco being brought into the sheriff's office, kicking, screaming, cursing and complaining while trussed up like a turkey.
* Also, when he throws a fit after Blondie misses a shot against the rope.
--> '''Tuco''': When that rope tightens, you can feel the Devil bite your ass!
* The scene where Tuco robs a store after making it look like he's haggling over the price of a gun.
** His improvised handling of the gun parts.
* "People say you were killed in Albuquerque." "And people talk bullsheet!"
* This little exchange:
-->'''Tuco''': ''[reading a note left by Angel Eyes]'' "See you soon...id..eed..."\\
'''Blondie''': ''[snatches note]'' "...Idiots." ''[looks at Tuco]'' It's for you.
* "When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk."
* The Overly Long List of crimes Tuco is accused of every time he's being hung. It seems to get longer and more ridiculous each time.
* Tuco gives a threatening one-liner, eats the proffered cigarillo(!), and laughs evilly. SmashCut to him rolling his eyes, back in the noose.
* Tuco takes a horse and rides off to find the money while Blondie comforts a dying soldier. Once that task is complete, and while the signature riff plays, Blondie slowly lowers his cigar to the fuse of a nearby cannon and blows Tuco off his horse. Just the casual way he does it...
* Another example of Tuco sounding like a jilted ex-lover: “I’m looking for the owner of that horse. He’s tall, blonde, he smokes a cigar, and he’s a pig!”
* Tuco decides to use a PottyEmergency excuse to stand on the edge of a train, his plan being to escape from it.
--> '''Wallace''': Get going.\\
''(Tuco glances over the edge of the train at the steep hill below, then looks back at Wallace.)''\\
'''Tuco''': Not while you're watching me.
* As cruel as he is mentally torturing Blondie in the desert, it's hard to take Tuco seriously while he's carrying that pink parasol.
* "HEY, BLOOOOOOONDIE! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU AAAAAAARE?!" JUST A DIRTY SON OF A B-[=AaAaAaaaaah!=]"
* The way Tuco dives into the foxhole after he and Blondie blow up the bridge: he practically does a belly-flop, then cowers in a frightened ball with his butt poking out, flinching at cannonfire. Fade to hours later and we find he fell asleep in that ''exact same position''.
** Next morning, Blondie wakes him up by prodding him with his foot, giving him quite a start.
* Tuco is about to hang Blondie on the second floor of the latter's lodgings, when suddenly a cannonball crashes through the front wall, sending Tuco through the floor. DeusExMachina slapstick at its finest.
* A cute FreezeFrameBonus in the opening titles: Where it says "Titles by Lardani", you'll find a silhouetted frame of a cannon and a figure you realise is Tuco plugging his ears as it's about to go off.
* Bill Carson, meet a tobacco-charged Tuco.
-->'''Carson''': My name's Bill Carson now. Surprise attack. All dead. My name is Jackson. Not Carson.\\
'''Tuco''' ''(sarcastically)'': Carson, Carson yeah, yeah, glad to meet you Carson. I'm Lincoln's grandfather.
* Tuco ComicallyMissingthePoint of Angel Eyes telling Corporal Wallace to give him and Blondie "good treatment" when they were in the Union camp.
--->'''Tuco''' ''(innocently)'': Did you hear that, Blondie? Good treatment!