* When Eli pleads to Matt to have sex with Danielle
-->'''Eli''': Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! FUCK HER FOR ME! FOR ME!
* Eli with many other hilarious one liners
-->'''Eli''': God, I just wanna bang hot chicks!

-->'''Eli''': I just gotta fuck something.

-->'''Eli''': I could make a better sex-ed film with my mom!

-->'''Eli''': And you can still like her with your penis inside her.