* "(insert literally ANY occupation) are this nation's backbone!"
* "Our father... Art, who is up in heaven, aloe vera be thy name. The thigh...thy kingdom...thy kingdom come! The magic kingdom! As it is on Earth...in a helicopter. Give us this day, our daily pizza, and let us digest it. Forgive us...pass...forgive our passes we commit sometimes on womenfolk with their dresses that are on too tight. Like...baby, that's a nice caboose you got on your... wait, that's not part of it! Forgive our trespassers, and do not lead us to the Temptations, because we are tired of them and their dancing. And deliver us from evil with your mighty sword and falcon forever and ever and ever, amen." Ladies and gentlemen, that was Cam Brady saying the Lord's Prayer, with help from Mitch.
* "I am beholden to only one man and that's the greatest American who ever lived - [[spoiler:Jesus Christ.]]"
* "Marty Huggins couldn't take care of his wife- [[spoiler: so I ''did''".]] Cut to [[spoiler: Cam Brady screwing Marty's wife. On national TV.]]
* "He just punched a baby."
** "Is anyone asking how my hand feels after punching that iron-like jaw of that baby?"
** Later, on a news report: "Cam Brady, not satisfied with just punching a baby, has now punched a ''puppy''."
* Rainbow Land. There's something hilarious about using a book Cam wrote in crayon in the second grade and using it to call him a ''communist.''
--> '''Marty''': "It is right here in his communist manifesto!"
** And to top it off, it reaches number 6 on Amazon.
* The dirty, sex-talk laden message Cam leaves at the wrong number that sets the entire thing in motion, recorded on voicemail because the family was praying before dinner.
* Marty's ratings actually go up after the "Black Hawk Down" incident.