* Armand's speech about Guatamalan life in the country.
-->'''Armand''': A woman is said to be worth her weight in hens, and a man's wealth is measured by [[StealthPun the size of his cock.]]
* Drag!Senator Keeley's plaintive "No one will dance with me. I think it's this dress, I told them white would make me look fat."
* Armand tries to get Albert to walk like a more traditional man, and demonstrates JohnWayne's walk for him to copy. Albert's version of it is a bizarre, hip-twirling sashay.
-->'''Albert''': No good?
-->'''Armand''': Actually, it's perfect. I just never realized that John Wayne walked like that.
* Albert is finally prevailed upon to wear a conservative dark suit. He walks out stiffly, without any of his usual mannerisms, and sits down. Armand and Val look down and realize that he's wearing bright pink socks.
-->'''Albert''': ''[hopefully]'' Oh. Well, one does want a hint of color...
* [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl The effeminate]] [[TheScream scream]] Albert makes upon seeing that [[spoiler:the house has been redecorated]].
-->'''Albert''': We've been robbed!
** And when he gets in the car and [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_y_TCFuGr4 honks the horn by accident]].
* At the wedding, two of the conservative women in attendance are confused.
-->'''First woman''': Which one is the mother?\\
'''Second woman''' (watching both Albert and Katherine crying like mad): ...I just don't know.
** Also at the wedding: "Bob Dole is ''gorgeous!''"