* "I'mma come at you like a spider monkey!"
* "I don't know what to do with my hands..."
* "98% of us will dies at some point in our lives."
* "Dear 8 lb, 6 oz, newborn infant Jesus..." The entire grace/dinner scene, for that matter.
* [[spoiler: I was ''high'' when I said that! That doesn't make any sense at all. You can be second, third, fourth... hell, you can even be fifth!"]]
* "We form an alliance on the race track to win races, but today we're forming an alliance to talk to you about a very serious, important issue: packs of stray wild dogs that control most of the cities in North America. Remember, stray dogs are not your friend. However, if you see one, walk right up to it and lay down." "If it starts to sniff you, that's a good sign. If it begins to bite, you're in trouble, friend. Grab a pole."
* "I piss excellence."
* "WHAT in tar-NATION?!?!"
* "If you don't chew Big Red then f-''[bleep]'' you."
* "Aw Nana, not my prison shank!"
* "Sometimes, when it's late at night, I dress up like Donna Summers. I put on the skirt, and the four inch heels...I love it. ''[singing]'' Last chance, for romance, for love....."
* "We go together like cocaine and waffles!" and "You wanna put jelly on a lady?"
* This exchange in the bar:
-->'''Jean Girard:''' Why did you stop ze jazz music? Was it unpleasant to you?\\
'''Ricky Bobby:''' No one plays jazz here at The Pit Stop!\\
'''Jean Girard:''' So zen why is ze song on ze jukebox?\\
'''Bartender:''' We keep it on there for profilin' purposes!\\