* Sure, it's a pain in the ass that you won't get any Eluders anymore, but the moment you realize that the Spathi have vanished without a trace because they've ''slave-shielded themselves'' will probably make you laugh anyway.
** The Spathi in general are hilarious. Fwiffo in particular is a riot.
--->'''Captain''': Fwiffo is with us! He will vouch for us.
--->'''Safe One''': If you held a gun to Fwiffo's head, he'd say anything you wanted him to. In fact, if you held a vegetable to Fwiffo's head, he'd probably still say anything you wanted him to.
* If you go to the enslaved Umgah homeword without the Taalo Shield, you'll be psychically compelled to fly into Ur-Quan space (The Ur-Quan will let you go if you tell them about what happened). What's so funny about this? [[TooDumbToLive You can go straight back to the Umgah Homeword, again without the Taalo Shield]] and then get sent to Ur-Quan space again. The Ur-Quan are not amused by this.
--> "It is as though your species' brain is too small to hold a simple thought such as, WE WILL KILL YOU FOR DISOBEYING! This is not a complex idea."
* The Supox can be quite funny when you talk about their being PlantAliens:
-->'''Captain''': C'mon, plants can't be intelligent! Our top scientists and science fiction writers have proved it!
-->'''Supox''': Yes. This has been confirmed by our people as well. Strange, is it not? Many of our people regard this inconsistency as proof of our divine origin.
* The Zoq-Fot-Pik and "Frungy".
-->'''Zoq''': AUGH! Will you just SHUT UP ABOUT FRUNGY?! If you say another word about that STUPID GAME I'm going to lose control and blow a cloud of spores at you!
-->'''Pik''': FRUNGY! FRUNGY! FRUNGY!
** Also, talking about their leaders: "They are wiser, more powerful beings." "They look just like us though."
** The Captain wondering if the one in the back ever talks: "Nope." "Not a word."
* Most of the conversations with the Slylandro:
-->'''Captain''': So what are those glowy bits inside you?
-->'''Content to Hover''': OH MY! From your question I infer that you creatures perceive in a different spectral range and can see our... well our, er... well, WE can't see them. Ehhh... Ahem... What I mean to say is... they are... well we use them for when [[TheTalk the male and the female]]... ahem. Look, I'd prefer you didn't ask about them, okay? (especially not if front of Sullen Plummet... she's shy.)
** Saying goodbye:
-->'''Captain''': Goodbye, Slylandro gasbags!
-->'''Content to Hover''': Goodbye, human fluid-sack!
* Converse with the Ilwrath enough about how [[CardCarryingVillain totally evil they are]] and you get to LogicBomb them:
-->'''Captain''': But `evil' is that which is morally bad or wrong. And if your actions are judged by your society as correct, aren't you, in fact, good?
-->'''Ilwrath''': Hmmm... We ARE All Evil. We All Behave In A Mutually Agreed-Upon Fashion Of Murder, Torture, Deceit And So Forth. Our Uniform Acceptance Of This Heinous Credo Creates An Orderly And Cooperative Society. Which Hardly Seems Evil. Evil Is Doing Things That Make Others Hurt Or Fear. We ALL Do That, Of Course. But Since We ALL Do Such Things, As Sanctioned By Our Culture, It Would Be `Bad' To Do Otherwise. Which Means... Er... Puny Hu-Man, Do Not Play With Words! You Anger Both Dogar And Kazon! Now You Must Die!
* Even the insane, rambling Mycon can get a good quip in before battle: "Juffo-Wup is eternal and immaterial. It cannot be destroyed by mere energy blasts. You however, are not immaterial. You ''can'' be destroyed by energy blasts. We will now demonstrate."
* The Pkunk are a race of space-hippies who are unafraid of death because they believe in reincarnation. [[ClapYourHandsIfYouBelieve Much to the irritation of all rational-minded beings]], the Pkunk appear to be correct in this belief, and there is a 50/50 chance that any given destroyed Pkunk ship will respawn in battle, with an obligatory [[StandardSnippet Hallelujah Chorus]]. If the RandomNumberGod is feeling particularly mischievous, it's possible for a OneSidedBattle between a Pkunk ship and a much stronger opponent to become ridiculously drawn out due to the Pkunk ship being repeatedly destroyed and respawned in a single match. With that chorus playing every time.
* "I'M BEING MOLESTIFIED!". Said by surrendering K'tang king.