* [[TheIllegal Mexican on the loose!]] [[FrickinLaserBeams Fire the damn lasers!]] [[CrazyAwesome Throw the Amerigators!]]
-->'''Sheriff:''' Hold your fire, don't shoot more gators! Stop! That's a racoon, Early.
-->'''Early:''' A Mexican racoon, come to steal American racoon jobs?
-->'''Sheriff:''' I think he's just trying to get a nut Early--
-->'''Early''': [[NoKillLikeOverkill FIRE THE DAMN LASERS!]]
* Early's anti-bullying segment during the credits of "Class of '86". Namely on what to do when you're being bullied: "Don't be such a pussy, pussy. [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment You're a damn pussy]]."
* This bigoted little gem from "Ga-Ga-Ghost"
-->'''Granny:''' (Talking about a comatose Early) He said, Pull the plug please, living a life like a fruit, ain't no life at all
-->'''Rusty:''' It's vegetable Granny
-->'''Granny:''' Yeah, those people should die too
* Early meets the Early of an AlternateUniverse.
-->'''Early''': He was th'only one who ever truly unnerstood me. Kid Rock, too. 'Cept that damn midget wouldn' let me near 'im!
* Early's comments on the smell of a hippie orgy.
-->'''Early''': Smells like somebody took a huge dump on a big pile of crap and soaked the whole thing in a jug of week-old farts and lit the whole caboodle on fire.
-->'''Rusty''': Just like you did on the last Fourth of July, daddy.
-->'''Early''': Damn right I did. I support the troops!
-->''[[CutawayGag Cut to Early slowly bringing a lighter to a jug labeled "farts" that explodes into a magnificent firework show with flags, eagles and other patriotic regalia.]]''
-->'''Granny''': And all the spectral colors were represented. Except for cyan.
-->'''Early''': ''(pulls knife on granny) ''Cyan was represented!
-->'''Granny''': ''(slaps knife away)'' Cyan was not represented!
-->'''Early''': ''(pulls shotgun) '' Mutha[[SoundEffectBleep (shotgun cock)]] was fulla cyan! I put it in myself!
-->'''Granny''': Cyan... May have been represented.
-->'''Early''': ''(lowers shotgun)'' I'm glad you noticed, Granny.
-->'''Granny''': I'm just saying I didn't see any--[[BoomHeadshot BLAM!]]''
-->'''Early''': [[SeriousBusiness Cyan was represented!]]