* Duncan's increasingly outrageous explanations for the very-much-unsuitable-for-school stuff he has on him, when a teacher starts pulling them out of his bag. Climaxing when the teacher discovers a pack of pornographic playing cards:
--->'''Duncan''': [[BlatantLies Those were a gift]]. [[RefugeInAudacity From your wife]].
* The conversation at the dinner table, after Keith's younger sisters, Laura and Cindy when they hear that he has a date with Amanda Jones.
-->'''Laura:''' Last night, I hear everybody talking about how Keith has asked this girl out.
-->'''Cindy:''' No way.
-->'''Laura:''' Check it out. This girl is popular, she's beautiful... and obviously in the middle of some emotional shootout to consent to date the human tater tot. What did you do to her, Keith? Threaten her life?
-->'''Keith:''' I just asked her out.
-->'''Laura:''' Well, her boyfriend's a man, for Christ's sake.
-->'''Mom:''' Hey, hey, hey.
-->'''Laura:''' He's extensively easy on the eyes, he's a total buck, and you're - you're... Keith.
-->'''Mom:''': Is she nice?
-->'''Laura:''' Mother, the girl *is* sex.
-->'''Cindy:''' For God's sake, I'm eating!
-->'''Dad:''' Glad you got time to think about the girls. Between the girls and your art kick, you have no time for anything important. You'll be dead and buried before you get off your butt and apply to a college.
-->'''Laura:''' Ease up, Dad. Any fool can get into a college. Only a precious few may say the same about Amanda Jones. Am I wrong?