!Season 1

[[folder:The Country Bears]]
* Jerk's new intro for his debut on Website/ThatGuyWithTheGlasses has him call it "Channel Glasses That... Awesome With a Guy... Thing... family."
* To the ChirpingCrickets response to Jerk.
-->'''Jerk''': Great question, crickets!
* Jerk's opening monologue on the main page.
* "[[AffectionateParody You can't really love something unless you're willing to mock it for all its worth]]. Just look at your children."
* Jerk dubs Disneyland to be "the second happiest place on Harbor Boulevard."
-->"...next to that Swedish massage parlor down the street."
* Jerk's reasoning for why anyone would ride something as corny as The Country Bear Jamboree: the line for Splash Mountain was too long and visitors just wanted some air conditioning.
* "So the movie starts out with of footage of-'''[[JumpScare OOOOAA]][[UncannyValley AAAAHHHH!!!]]'''"
* Before introducing Beary, he decides ScrewThisImOuttaHere to go ride Splash Mountain, then he finds out the line for Splash Mountain is two miles long.
* The protagonist of the film is [[StevenUlyssesPerhero a bear named Beary Barrington]], so Jerk follows that up by posing with the actual costume characters and dubbing them [[WesternAnimation/DonaldDuck Ducky Duckingham]], [[MickeyMouse Micey Mousenvlad]], and [[WesternAnimation/{{Goofy}} Zippo the Clown-faced Jerkwad]]. Mickey even {{Facepalm}}s when Jerk gets his name wrong!
* The Jerk asks how far he is into the movie:
--> '''Woman (off-screen):''' Four minutes!
--> '''Jerk:''' Great.
* "This movie has literally no right to exist! It shouldn't exist, it can't exist! And yet it does! Or does it..." (''creepy music plays, DVD box starts shaking, it hits Jerk in the face'') "Ow!"
* When seeing that the film has, in addition to Beary, [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin a roadie named "Roadie", and a chicken named "Mr. Chicken"]].
-->'''Jerk''': It's economical to hire children to write your children's movies 'cause you can just pay them in candy! (''holds up giant lollipops'')
* Jerk insists he is not racist against bears, [[SomeOfMyBestFriendsAreX and even has bear friends]].
-->'''Jerk''': (''posing with the characters from ''Disney/BrotherBear) ''Help me''...
* Jerk's guessing game RunningGag with the D-list Disney stars touted in this movie.
-->'''Jerk''': Hey look, it's Music/MandyMoore! (''buzzer'') Music/MileyCyrus! (''buzzer'') Music/AshleeSimpson! (''buzzer'') Music/VanessaHudgens! (''buzzer'') Music/DemiLovato! (''buzzer'') Music/KylieMinogue! (''buzzer'') Nellie Furtado! (''buzzer'') ...Music/ShaniaTwain? (''buzzer'') ...Bristol Palin? (''buzzer'') Umm... (Caption: ''Krystal Marie Harris'') Krystal Marie Harris! I was so... gonna know it.
-->'''Jerk''': You're Music/CarrieUnderwood! ! (''buzzer'') Music/TaylorSwift! (''buzzer'') Music/HilaryDuff! (''buzzer'') Haylie Duff! (''buzzer'') [[Music/SpiceGirls Baby Spice]]! (''buzzer'') (Caption: ''Three Hours Later'') ...Zac {{Music/Hanson}}. (''buzzer'') [[Series/TheGoldenGirls Rue McClanahan]]. (''buzzer'') Krystal Marie Harris in a blond wig. (''buzzer'') I dunno... I should know this- (Caption: ''Jennifer Paige'') Jennifer Pai- okay now you're just making up pop stars.
* After Zeb beats a rival musician in a music compeitition, Jerk laments that he spent $10,000 betting on the other musician.
-->'''Jerk''': [[CardCarryingVillain Now how can I afford to blow up that orphanage]]?! (''{{Beat}}'') Those orphans know what they did.
* "Meanwhile, at the Walken- '''OH GOD HE'S DEAD!!!'''" (''Walken wakes up'') ...oh.
* "Coming [[OscarBait this Oscar season]]: Christopher Walken IS USefulNotes/JoeBiden. Rated R."
* Jerk admits [[NarmCharm his affection for]] Creator/ChristopherWalken's line: "[[ChewingTheScenery That day... IS TONIGHT!!]]"
-->'''Jerk''': The greatest line in cinema history is in ''The Country Bears'', who knew?
* "Hey hundreds of people! Shut up!"

[[folder: Ten Years of Disney California Adventure]]
* The new TGWTG opening begins with Jerk kissing his hair, saying: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3dYanzg3pw&t=0m16s Luscious locks!]]"
* Jerk returns ten years after California Adventure's opening, expecting to attend a huge anniversary and instead meets... a workwall.
* "You can't spell decade without DCA (Disney California Adventure). Or ECD (Elderly Cockroach Disease), or CAE (Charos Aborted Elephants) for that matter; it's all discussed in my two week seminar: 'How To Spell Things With Other Things', next month at the Radisson."
* "Yes, DCA is turning ten years old, and like most ten year-olds it's getting [[TroublingUnchildlikeBehavior its first facelift]]."
* To make room for DCA, Disneyland's new parking lot became the second-largest in the world, "dwarfed only by... the Detroit airport."
-->'''Jerk''': Because if I lived in Detroit I'd want to leave too! If my car was built there, it'd probably get as far as the airport [[EveryCarIsAPinto before it blew up]].
* "Eisner ''really'' wanted to save up for his huge yacht to hold all his smaller yachts."
* Jerk's interpretation of why California Adventure was built, with then-CEO Michael Eisner as a CardCarryingVillain.
-->'''Michael Eisner''': Ve vant zhe tourists to schtay in ze park. Vhy do they leave ze park?\\
'''Disney Employee''': Uh, well, uh, Mr. Eisner sir, according to the market research we've done, people leave so they can explore the rest of California!\\
'''Michael Eisner''': Then ve vill bring the rest of California ''HEEEEEEEERE!!!''\\
(''lightning crashes as [[Disney/TheHunchbackOfNotreDame "The Bells of Notre Dame"]] plays'')\\
'''[[Film/YoungFrankenstein Frederick Frankenstein]]''': It! Could! Work!!!
* Jerk visiting the actual landmarks DCA has replicas of, just under a day's drive away.
-->'''Jerk''': (''at the Golden Gate Bridge'') Yeah, it's okay but, if only it had a monorail going across it. (''at the Palace of Fine Arts'') Yeah, it's semi-breathtaking but, if only it had a Whoopi Goldberg film in it. (''at entrance to Disneyland'') Yeah, it's good but, if only it sucked, then you'd have something!
* Jerk's imagines how the tractor "ride" must have been thought up.
-->'''Jerk Exec''': (''on cellphone'') We need something big, that will really attract people. Some... huge attractor.
-->'''Jerk Worker''': (''taking notes'') Huge... tractor, got it. (''finishes note and groans'')
* Jerk's parody of the California Adventure commercials, where Buzz tells Goofy to not go to the park because "nobody likes a nosy neighbor".
-->'''Buzz''': Nah, they'll be alright; they have a tractor!
-->'''Goofy''': I thought I was supposed to be the idiot...
* ''Is It Still There?''. All of it.
** The show is introduced as "[[BlatantLies America's only game show]]", hosted by Jerk, starring Jerk, and with the two contestants Jerk and Jerk.
** Both Jerks fail the first two questions so the final question is worth 100 points, "rendering this entire exercise meaningless."
** "Uh, who buzzed in? Jerk or Jerk?" "It was Jerk."
** The show ends with [[spoiler:both of them losing and being shipped away for medical experiments.]]
* The dramatic music leading up to the park's central monument...
-->'''Jerk''': A big ol' hubcap that looks almost exactly nothing like the sun. (''gets up close to camera'') It's like you wanna fail.
** Later on, Jerk shows off the now-improved Ferris Wheel sun.
-->'''Jerk''': It's the exact same ride, but now Mickey's on it! Hi Mickey! (''waves'') He never waves back.
* [[CaptionHumor Don't worry parents! We've got booze!]]
* Jerk's extremely positive "complaints" about California Screamin'.
-->'''Jerk''': There's no story so it's no good! Hmph!
* Jerk describes California Adventure as "[[Series/TheBradyBunch the Jan Brady of theme parks]], the [[Music/SimonAndGarfunkel Art Garfunkel of theme parks]], the [[ShapedLikeItself Disney California Adventure of theme parks]]..."
* After seeing the amazingness of Tokyo [=DisneySea=].
-->'''Jerk''': ...the Japanese beat us at something that combines technology with artistry?! How is that even possible?! We're way smarter than the- well, no. Our cartoons are way better- well no. Our sexual perversions- (''sighs'') We're taller! That's right! We! Are taller! Than them! USA! USA! USA- I'm gonna go get drunk...
* After introducing the very boring rides of "A Bug's Land".
* When discussing ''{{Disney/Aladdin}}: The Musical''.
-->'''Jerk''': Apparently ''Aladdin'' was in California the whole time! (Caption: ''"When cameling on the I-5, visit beautiful Agrabah, CA."'') Well, that does explain the customer service. (''Clip of Jasmine about to get her hand chopped off for not paying for an apple.'')
* "But even with ''three new things'', DCA wasn't quite a match for ''the greatest thing of all time''."
* "''You saw nothing.'' ([[Film/MenInBlack Neuralyzer flash]]'') "[[Film/TheWizard Cawwifornia]]."
* "Disney finally traded in the ESN in Eisner's name for [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Iger a G]]."
* The talking Mr. Potatohead.
-->'''Jerk''': (''whispering'') It's a ''real'' potato. We genetically mutated it. It's gonna kill us all sometime in the next five years. Shhh!
** Later:
-->'''Mr. Potato Head''': Let's try that again: "I love you, Mr. Potatohead!"
-->'''Kids''': I love you Mr. Potatohead!
-->'''Jerk''': ''It demands your worship.''
* "By 2012, [[MayanDoomsday assuming the Mayans were wrong and this doesn't happen...]]" (''Earth explodes'')
* "A workwall means progress, a workwall means the future, a workwall means: 'come back and give us more of your hard-earned money next year.' [[BackhandedCompliment And what could possibly be more Californian than that]]?"

[[folder: Star Tours (The Original 1987 Classic)]]
* [=SJWAC=]'s reaction to the OpeningScroll at the beginning.
--> '''[=SJWAC=]''': Why are these words all backwards? ''({{beat}})'' Damn, kids.
* The conversation between the ''Film/StarWars'' [[WarReenactors re-enacters]].
--> '''[Re-Enactor]''': Wait, you're FOR blowing up planets?
--> '''[=SJWAC=]''': (defensively) I happen to think it looks cool.
* [[WebVideo/TheIdiotsLantern The Wire]], [[WebVideo/RBGProductions Spazzmaster]], and [=SJWAC=]'s conversation about Some Jerk remaining "cautiously optimistic" about the new ''Star Tours''.
--> '''Some Jerk''': And now only this gift shop remains, until June 3rd when the new ride opens. But for better or worse it'll never be quite the same. Despite all our prays, the deal has been altered further. And I gotta tell ya. [[PunctuatedForEmphasis I. am.]] [[BaitAndSwitch cautiously optimistic]].
--> '''The Wire''' and '''Spazzmaster''': ''What?''
--> '''Some Jerk''': I know, I'm surprised too, but I am cautiously optimistic.
--> '''Spazzmaster''': Jerk, what is wrong with you?
--> '''The Wire''': HE'S A WITCH.
--> '''Some Jerk''': Look, I'm sorry, but even after [[TheScrappy Jar-Jar]] and Greedo and Jake Lloyd and Hayden Christensen and Jar-Jar and Boss Nass and the rat tail and the midi-chlorians and Jar-Jar and all the [=CGI=] and [[RunningGag Jar-Jar and Jar-Jar and Jar-Jar]] and the eternal Creator/CSpan footage and that stupid fucking monologue about sand and all that [[Creator/PattonOswalt "you get to see him as a little kid"]] bullshit. And even after ''(plays the clip of [[{{Narm}} Darth Vader going]] [[BigNo "NOOooOOOoooOOOooo!"]])'', ''(shrugs)'' I still remain cautiously optimistic. Sorry.
--> '''The Wire''': Jerk, you're friends are all here. So why don't you show us on a the Ewok where ''Star Wars'' touched you?
--> '''Some Jerk''': ''(takes the Ewok toy)'' Look, I already told you, [[NotIfTheyEnjoyedItRationalization I must have been asking for it]]!

[[folder: Top 11 Florida Attractions Not in California]]
* The Jerk calls Florida a "dong-shaped [[NWordPrivileges Jew cemetery]]."
* [[WebVideo/TheBunnyPerspective Phil Buni]]'s [[RunningGag rants]] about Florida and Floridians.
* The Jerk gets photobombed and stops his show just to incite his viewers to hunt, torture, and kill the photobomber. While several people are photobombimg in the background during his pseudo-{{PSA}}.
* The new TGWTG outro has an IronicEcho to the original footage when Jerk reveals that Maelstrom, one of his prior choices, has closed to be replaced by a ''Disney/{{Frozen}}'' ride:
--> '''Anti-Ranting Jerk''': [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Let. It. Go.]]

[[folder: Captain EO]]
* The Jerk's idea of what happened to Captain EO after the movie. He is tried in Galactic Superior Court where he is found guilty of insubordination. He and his [[Music/JanetJackson sister]] (who is being punished for [[WardrobeMalfunction showing her nipple]]) are put on a [[http://www.vevo.com/watch/michael-jackson/Scream/USSM20301503 colorless spaceship]] and sent to a deserted planet where they [[AdamAndEvePlot populate the world]]. And the descendants of their [[VillainousIncest unholy]] [[BrotherSisterIncest incestuous]] union still live on that planet today. And that planet is called...'''[[EarthAllAlong EARTH!!!]]'''

[[folder: Halloween Time at Disneyland]]
* Some Jerk describing how ''not'' scary Disney is at Halloween time.
--> '''SJWAC''': What kid with healthy imagination wouldn't get psyched over "Mickey's Not-so-Scary Halloween Party".
--> ''(in black and white, dramatic music plays)''
--> '''SJWAC''': It wasn't just scary, kids. I can handle scary. It was not so scary. ''[[DramaticThunder (thunder strikes)]]'' I'm sorry, it's not an easy thing to relive. I think I might have [=PNTO=], Post-Non-Traumatic Order from just how not-so-scary it was. So not-so-scary it can drive even the toughest man sane. ''[[LaughingMad (giggling maniacally)]]'' I'm sorry, I was thinking of something really funny CraigFerguson said last week. ''(in a demonic voice)'' But I digress. ''(whispering)'' It was not-so-scary, kids. It was not-so-scary.
* Some Jerk talking about Ghost Galaxy (or Space Mountain) and trying to figure out what the galaxy ghost is.
--> '''[=SJWAC=]''': All they change about the ride is the music, the lighting, and the projections and it feels like a totally different experience in which you get chased through the cosmos by... this thing, a fiery vengeful spirit demon ghost thing with... Can I get some help on this one from a ghost expert?
--> '''[[Film/{{Ghostbusters}} Ray Stantz]]''': What you have there is what we refer to as a focused non-terminal repeating phantasm.
--> '''[=SJWAC=]''': No, I meant a real ghost expert.
--> '''[[StealthPun "Real"]] [[WesternAnimation/TheRealGhostbusters Egon Spengler]]''': They shouldn't have the energy for roving attacks.
--> '''[=SJWAC=]''': No, I meant a non-fictional ghost expert. Just anyone with a basic cable show.
--> '''ConanOBrien''': WesternAnimation/{{Space Ghost| Coast to Coast}} is obviously a space man who died and became a space ghost.
--> '''WesternAnimation/{{Space Ghost| Coast to Coast}}''': No.
--> '''Conan O'Brien''': [[LargeHam FACE IT, SPACE GHOST!]]
--> '''Space Ghost''': No.
--> '''Conan O'Brien''': [[LargeHam YOU'RE A SPACE MAN THAT CHOKED ON A MUFFIN!]]

* His parody of "[[WesternAnimation/TheNightmareBeforeChristmas What's This]]" during the review of "Haunted Mansion Holiday", unlimately ending with "WHAT [[PrecisionFStrike THE FUCK]] IS THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS??!!

[[folder: It's Small World Holiday]]
* '''[[BlackComedyRape "I WAS RAPED BY IT'S A SMALL WORLD!"]]'''
** Followed by several reviewers staring in StunnedSilence...and [[CrossesTheLineTwice one guy laughing his head off.]]
* To the tune of [[Film/MaryPoppins Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious]]: "Donald Duck brand orange juice tastes like rancid goat piss!"
* The Jerk's "Small World" parody song.

!Season 2

[[folder: Star Tours: The Adventure Continues]]
* According to the All-Being, there are alternate dimensions that have no war but [[NWordPrivileges Jews aren't allowed there.]] Apparently Creator/MelGibson was right.

[[folder: Thirty Years of EPCOT]]
* The Jerk goes to check out the new Disney/TheLittleMermaid ride only to be entrapped by [[Series/ToCatchAPredator Chris Hansen]], who took his remarks out of context and [[MistakenForPedophile mistook him for trying to molest a teenage mermaid.]]
* The Jerk compares EPCOT to an STD: A wonderful burst of output followed by a lifetime of painful regret.
* The Jerk wonders why [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarII Germany, Italy, and Japan]] didn't get pavilions at EPCOT. He then uses his powers as a "Jewish controller of the media" to demand a Germany-themed ride. Cut to him getting [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything onboard a train,]] saying, "If you [[JewishComplaining kvetch]] long enough, things will happen to you!"
** Even funnier is the better version of the joke he says he should have used in the commentary: "If you [[JewishComplaining kvetch]] long enough, you will find a [[DeadlyEuphemism final solution]]!"
* The Jerk tries to riff "[[Creator/EllenDeGeneres Ellen]]'s Energy Adventure" only to find that Ellen has already thought of all his jokes. But he finally gets a victory when he realizes the caveman who makes "an important discovery" is played by Michael Richards. "He discovered [[NWordPrivileges the racial epithet!]]" Cue cheesy music and goofy dance.

[[folder:The Walt Disney Family Museum]]

[[folder: ABC Goes to Disney World]]
* When Eisner and Mickey ride the Sky Tram.
-->'''Jerk''': "Oh crap, the skyline's stuck again. Can someone get them down before one of them eats the other? If Mickey finds out how good Jews taste, we're all doomed. ({{beat}}) Oh, too late. So, who wants to let me [[Literature/TheDiaryOfAYoungGirl live in their attic?]]"

[[folder: Full House Goes to Disney World]]

[[folder: Family Matters Goes to Disney World]]
* This gem:
-->'''Erkel:''' It alters my DNA code on a genetic level, changing me into a completely different person.
-->'''Jerk:''' I call it a re[[Series/DoctorWho tardis]]!

[[folder: Roseanne Goes to Disney World]]

[[folder: Step by Step Goes to Disney World]]
* The Jerk's spot-on impression of WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic.
* A moment of InUniverse FridgeLogic: Jerk only realizes now that the show is called ''Series/StepByStep'' because it's about ''step''siblings.

[[folder: Boy Meets World Goes to Disney World]]

[[folder: Sabrina The Teenage Witch Goes to Disney World]]

[[folder: ABC Goes to DisneyLAND]]
* "[[EarWorm Jim Belushi drowning in a sea of diarrhea!]]"