* "Yes, we are very lucky kids to not have had our flesh eaten by the aliens."
* Every time Seth or Sara address Jack as "Jack Bruno!"
* "Experience your car trouble in the morning, when we're open."
* The moment Jack removes the Siphon's mask, [[StarfishAliens and he gets to see what's underneath]].
--> "You looked better with the mask on"
* Every single time Pope asks for a gun.
* Sara watching a live performance at the UFO convention.
--> '''Sara''': Is this a re-enactment of an important incident in human history?
* "A wise human once said, you are what you think you are." "Then why not ask him?!" "It was the Buddha. He's unavailable."
* "Don't go in the pimped-out fridge, Jack."
* This scene in the UFO;
--> '''Jack:''' You do know how to fly this thing, right?
--> '''Seth:''' How do you think we got here?
--> '''Jack:''' Well, you ''crashed'', remember?
* Jack and Sara'a first meeting with Junkyard the dog.
* Sara generally getting her way, such as using her powers to allow the dog to hitch a ride, and then getting Jack to pull over so the dog can take a leak.
** What really makes the latter scene funny is the conversation Sara and Jack have after Junkyard gets back from using the bushes - and the look on Sara'a face as she darts back into the cab. It's especially hilarious when you consider that ''Sara's a'' '''telepath''' - so she knows ''exactly'' what's on Jack's mind.
* Jack explaining to a couple of people mocking Dr. Friedman how something is a matter of life and death.
--> '''Jack:''' You're currently alive. Unless you take us to Harlan, you'll be dead.
* The comment that Sara makes about how Jack and Alex have been thinking about each other. Again, when you consider the fact that she's a telepath, the way she remains calm as she sees stuff in their minds is funny.
* Those two Stormtroopers dudes.
--> '''Stormtrooper 1''': Imperial droid. Drive your Geonisan starfighters to planet... ''Hollywood!'' Hahaha! (''Jack quickly takes their fake laser guns away from them'')
** Later:
--> '''Stormtrooper 1''': Well, well, well. If it isn't the rebel alliance cab driver scum!
--> '''Stormtrooper 2''': Not such a tough guy outside of your ship, Whomp rat! (''Jack takes their fake laser guns from them again, and uses them to beat up his captors'')
* "You know what aliens look like. They look like, like little green people with antennas and, and laser guns and, ''Take me to your leader, Earthlings.''"
** Yes Jack, that ''exactly'' what aliens are like.
* Jack and Alex trying to see Dr. Harlan, but his assistants Marty and Matt won't let them.
--> '''Marty''': Doctor Harlan is presently unavailable for consultations. We're more than qualified to answer any...
--> '''Alex Friedman''': There is no time for that, it's a matter of life and death that we see Harlan now!
--> '''Marty''': Life and death, ooh uber scary drama queen theatrics! What's the 411 Sitch?
--> '''Jack''': You're currently alive. Unless you take us to Harlan, you'll be dead.
** Marty and Matt give a look of OhCrap.
--> '''Marty''': Okay, yeah, together if you want.
--> '''Matt''': Yeah, let's go together right now.