* In a movie loaded with groaners, we get this gem:
-->'''Bond:''' I trust you can handle this contraption, Q.\\
'''Q:''' It goes by hot air.\\
'''Bond:''' Oh, then you can.
* Kamal and Gobinda getting in their car to escape an imminent nuclear explosion... and the car doesn't start.
** Before that, as Gobinda is guarding the bomb, a circus worker accidentally knocks its side with a boulder, making him nearly panic.
* Vijay reporting to bond about his tail of Kamal:
-->'''Vijay:''' I tailed him all the way to the tennis club this afternoon.\\
'''Bond:''' Did you learn anything?\\
'''Vijay:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint My backhand's improved.]]
* Q and Vijay waiting for Bond as he visits Octopussy's island lair:
-->'''Q''': 007 on an island populated exclusively by women? We won't see him 'til dawn!
* Vijay gets a few one-liners in of his own:
-->'''Bond''': Vijay! We've got company!\\
'''Vijay''': [[CatchPhrase No problem]]. This is a company car! (revs the tuk tuk for slow-speed chase)
* Bond sliding down the marble stairwell, realizes there's a rather painful-looking marble knob at the stop, and shoots the knob out of the way before he hits [[GroinAttack his marbles with it]]. Chuckle at the obviousness.
** What really sells it is the look on Bond's face.
* Bond says, "Hiss off!" to a large, menacing snake. ''The snake meekly complies.''
** Lets not forget the tiger. It sits!
*** FridgeBrilliance: He uses ''Kamal's'' voice and inflection - apparently, the tiger is one of Kamal's pets.
* Bond's classy English way of saying, "I don't have time for this bullshit!"
-->'''Bond''' (dressed as a circus performer): Where can I find the base commander? It's urgent!\\
'''Guard''': Let's see your circus pass.\\
'''Bond''': DAMMIT MAN! I said it's urgent!
* As Kamal and Gobinda are fleeing in a plane, they see Bond clinging to the wing, yanking the wires out of the engine.
-->'''Kamal:''' He'll kill us all! Go out, and get him.
-->'''Gobinda:''' [[OhCrap Out there?]]
--> '''Kamal:''' ''GO!''
--> '''Gobinda:''' ...Yes, Excellence.
* Bond's face at the new Bond Girl describing her octopus tattoo as "My little octopussy." One of the few times he responds to a sexual joke with complete ''bafflement.''
* After Bond wins backgammon against Kamal using his own fixed dice, letting ''everyone'' know [[CheatersNeverProsper Kamal's a dirty cheater]], Bond tells the British commander who complained "always a double six!" while playing him, "It's not ''really'' in the wrist" - referencing Kamal's claim of being able to roll them.
* Bond hiding in a body bag supposedly containing one of Khan's mooks... and letting out a ''diabolical'' laugh as two mooks attempt to dump him away for tiger food. The mooks, apparently thinking they're dealing with a member of the undead, run away screaming.
* "GET OFF MY BED"