* Every time Don starts bickering with a lawyer. [[MoodWhiplash Until he starts getting mad, that is...]]
* S2 E8: Though they are talking about Megan's recent trauma, Larry manages to invoke this.
--> '''Larry:''' This is not even taking into account the double-X chromosome situation.
--> '''Charlie:''' Situation?
--> '''Larry:''' Yeah, you know, women have two X chromosomes, men have an X and a so-called Y. But I think if you examine it closely, you'll find, as I have, that the 'Y' is really just an 'X' with a piece missing.
--> '''Charlie:''' Implying what?
--> '''Larry:''' Well, since I'm missing that very piece, I may not be qualified to answer, but I think it has something to do with, you know, they're just more sensitive.
--> '''Charlie:''' Or that they can bear children?
--> '''Larry:''' Eh, psh, that too, I guess.
* Sometimes Charlie's need for data can provide a few laughs.
--> '''Charlie:''' And can I also see all the arson records you have in the L.A. county you have access to for, like, the past year?
--> ''(Beat)''
--> '''Arson Inspector:''' That's several thousand fires.
--> '''Larry:''' ''(to Charlie)'' Eh, that's a pretty limited sample.
--> '''Charlie:''' You know what...make it the past two years.
* "What flavor of crazy Kool-Aid do they make you drink in the physics department?"
* Really, Larry is just a fountain of these.
--> '''Amita:''' Oh! By the way, Larry called from his string theory conference. He was confused about something.
--> '''Charlie:''' What, his double-special relativity theory?
--> '''Amita:''' No, whether he was in St. Louis or Cleveland.
--> '''Charlie:''' He's so geographically challenged. Where is his conference?
--> '''Amita:''' Minneapolis.
* This gem, made even better by the WTF face Charlie pulls when he hears it.
--> '''Larry:''' Oh, I rarely dream. I mean, every once in awhile I have this recurring dream in which my Aunt Louise is attempting to consume my flesh, but as a general rule, no.
* In S2 E23, Colby and David are visiting an Asian strip club. They...don't exactly blend in.
--> '''Colby:''' We're the only white people in here.
--> ''(Beat, David looks at Colby)''
--> '''David:''' Yes, we are.
* Alan and Larry having to deal with the annual tradition of students dropping pumpkins frozen with liquid nitrogen from the University's rooftops.
** Followed by Charlie's reaction when Alan and Larry decide "when you can't beat 'em, join 'em":
-->'''Amita:''' What was that all about?
-->'''Charlie:''' The two great adult influences on my life are heading off to blow up pumpkins.
* In the episode 'Arrow of Time', several prisoners broke out using a rope made out of dental floss. Liz showed Larry, Charlie, and Amita the rope and this exchange took place:
-->'''David:''' (referring to a rope made of dental floss) It's 30 feet long...
-->'''Amita:''' Floss is sold in containers of 20 to 150 yards... (gets questioning glances) I'm an informed shopper.
-->'''Charlie:''' Just eyeballing the density of this rope, I'm thinking it's gotta be... 18, maybe 19 thousand feet.
-->'''Larry:''' 3 and a half miles of dental floss, even assuming an average container size of 50 yards...
-->'''Amita:''' Mm, 127 rolls of floss.
--> '''Liz:''' You guys find new and special ways to freak me out all the time.
* The end of the fourth season episode ''Graphic'', featured this exchange between comic book artist [[ChristopherLloyd Ross Moore]] and Alan Eppes:
-->'''Alan:''' I -- I have a little trouble picturing you as a hippie.
-->'''Ross Moore:''' ''(surprised)'' Whaaat??
-->'''Alan:''' ... Right!
* 'Black Swan' has a few good quotes when the team are breaking into a house full of bomb making equipment:
** Megan has just crashed into the suspects car to distract them.
-->'''Megan:''' Oh my God, this is why you aren't supposed to text and drive!
** Colby is about to climb up the trellis to get into a upper floor window.
-->'''Colby:''' Yeah. Colby, go down the elevator shaft. Colby, jump in the bay. Hey, Colby, climb the Sixth Street Bridge.
-->'''David''' I went out on the bridge with you, okay?
* A good quote about the running gag:
-->'''David:''' Why do they always run?
-->'''Colby:''' 'Cause we wear suits, man. You always figure you can outrun a guy in a suit.
* Alan being a dad raises a smile every now and again.
**
-->'''Alan:''' I hear Robin's back in town.
-->'''Don:''' Yeah, I'm really happy she's back.
-->'''Alan:''' Did you tell her that?
-->'''Don:''' Not yet, not in words, no.
-->'''Alan:''' You know, it's guys like you that make Beyonce sing that "Single Ladies" song.
**
-->'''Alan:''' Great! Now I have two jaded, world weary sons!
-->'''Don:''' And this one's got a shrink to prove it
** After the house has been broken into and both sons are off to a crime scene:
-->'''Alan:'''Two sons that solve crimes and neither one cares.
** Then he gets his own back later during Charlie's leature:
-->'''Charlie:''' I can't believe it. Right in the middle of my lecture!
-->'''Alan:''' Charlie, I'm as embarrassed as you are
-->'''Charlie:''' You were snoring!
* Charlie's examples are always good:
** The one set in the Arctic and he's wearing an heavy coat.
** The one in 'Jacked' at a card table where Charlie is wearing a card dealer's outfit with Don and the bad guy sitting at the table wearing tuxedos, sunglasses and smoking big cigars.
** And occasionally Charlie changes the analogy:
-->'''Charlie:''' You know I, I've been running expressions assuming a dog chasing a cat. But its actually a dog chasing a cat, chasing a mouse!
-->'''Ian:''' I thought it was an airplane?!
-->'''Charlie:''' Oh well, cats and dogs work better now.
* An episode in Season 5, where the whole episode was rather bizarre (they were looking for a specific pair of ''shoes'', for Christ's sake! Well, the shoes ''were'' worth like a quarter of a million dollars, but anyway...), but all of the wtf-ness of the episode was made up for entirely when at the end of the episode, when they've finally pinned the shoes. [[spoiler:The dude who stole them, also the original victim, goes into his closet, takes out a box... and doesn't find them there. They then hear footsteps outside... and find out that the thief's son was ''wearing'' them, in the '''rain'''. Apparently he thought they were a birthday present. The thief says, "New shoes... $250,000...". One of the agents then replies, "A smile on your kid's face: Priceless".]]
* David and Nikki attacking the guy built like a sumo wrestler and Liz beating him with a fire hose.
* The episode "Frenemies" has Charlie reluctantly working a case with his arch rival Marshall Penfield. Naturally the two of them can't stop bickering, prompting a bored Larry to make the following threat:
-->'''Larry:''' Boys, don't make me pull the Math Car over...
* The B-plot in the episode "Old Soldiers" involves David asking Amita for help buying a suit for an upcoming date, but she has trouble meeting his very...particular tastes. At the end of the episode she finds the perfect suit for David -- an old one of Alan's from the 70s that she finds while she and Charlie are helping Alan sort through some old things in the garage.
* [[ColdSniper Agent Edgerton]] and Don are bickering in front of a suspect about to go into a conversation with some very scary people while wearing a wire.
-->'''Don:''' Don't worry, you got the fifth-best shot in the world covering your [''expletive deleted''].
-->'''Edgerton:''' [''holds up shaking hand''] ''Fourth''-best. [''looks at his hand''] You don't want to know how I moved up a spot.