* Be glad you're not with UsefulNotes/GeraldFord, we'd be lying in a heap at the bottom of the stairs!
* The gay [[spoiler: Secret Service Sniper]] guy dressed as Dorothy arranges for the ex-presidents to ride with some "friends" of his. Cut to the presidents (who are not the largest of men) holding on for dear life on the back of motorcycles driven by a "Dykes on Bikes" motorcycle club, seated behind two women who look like they could bench-press half the NFL.
-->'''Kramer:''' ''(Shakily)'' You know, after that bike ride, I think I'm changing my position on an important issue. I think the military can definitely use some of those gals.
* As they rummage around Kramer's presidential library, Douglas notices a copy of Time magazine with Kramer on the cover.
-->'''Kramer:''' There's something you don't have. I was Time magazine's Man of the Year.
-->'''Douglas:''' So was Hitler.
-->'''Kramer:''' Not twice!
** One of the items in the library is a talking pull-string toy of Kramer
--->'''Kramer Toy:''' Don't you fall into the trap, Democrats are full of crap!
* When Matthews reveals his obsfucating stupidity:
-->'''Matthews:''' Funny thing is everybody thinks I'm this big idiot, and its all a big facade ''(pronouncing it fah-kade)''.
* When Douglas reveals how he changed up the lyrics to Hail to the Chief.
-->'''Douglas:''' Oh, Russell. "Hail to the Chief, if you don't, I'll have to kill you. I am the Chief, so you better watch your steps, you bastards!" We're even.
* Vice President Ted's ''unique'' eulogy to Charlie.
-->'''Ted''': Mrs. Sherman told me Charlie had a favorite song...one that always cheered him when he was down...
-->'''William''': Please God, don't let him quote song lyrics.
-->'''Ted''': ...and I can't think of anything more fitting than to share with you the words from that song.
-->'''William''': [[ThisIsGonnaSuck Oh, Christ.]]
-->'''Ted''': "[[Music/CaptainAndTennille Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam.]] [[WaxingLyrical Do the jitterbug out in Muskrat-Land.]] And they shimmy..." ''(emotional pause)'' "...and Sammy's so skinny."
-->'''William''': ''Oy.''
* Douglas makes a habit out of ditching his Secret Service detail and calls them on whether they're needed.
-->'''Douglas''': Fellas, in the history of the Secret Service, has there ever been an attempt on a former President?
-->'''Agent''': No sir.
-->'''Douglas''': I find that disappointing.