* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSO2GaqDkNY The whole "Removal Business" scene with Boss Rojeck]].
-->'''Boss Rojeck:''' A fight is in rounds. This is Round One. *walks out in the prop hat*
* K.C. tries her hand at doing a stand-up joke. She fails, miserably.
** It's the ''Duck Joke'' she flubs. That's like Joking 101.
* Swann's [[PerformanceAnxiety panic attack]] on the moment he realizes the show he's doing is ''live''.
* Benjy's first night baby-sitting Swann:
-->'''Swann''': Alfredo, telephone the Stork Club, we'll be two for dinner.\\
'''Alfie''': You sure you want the Stork Club, Mr. Swann?\\
'''Swann''': It's been a year and a half. [[NoodleIncident Surely they've repaired the wall of the bandstand by now]].

* Swann arrives late at the writers' meeting, stoned out of his mind:
-->'''Sy''': He's plastered!\\
'''Swann''': So are some of the finest erections in Europe!

* Swann's rather suave way to use a restroom:
-->'''Lil''': This is for ladies only!\\
'''Swann''': (unzips his fly) So is ''this,'' ma'am, but every now and then I have to run a little water through it!\\
(Lil, played by the unflappable Selma Diamond, can only nod in agreement)
* [[TheVoiceless Herb]] ''finally'' says something out loud. Even with a major fight going on, everyone in the control room turns in shock.
* After watching this movie, you will never again be able to listen to the 1812 Overture without laughing your ass off.