* Virtually the ''entire movie'' in one way or another.
* One of the best bits in the film comes near the beginning as the Bimbo's patrons are leaving:
-->'''Mrs. Bluveridge:''' "Be sure to be back tomorrow for our weekly special: roast suckling..."
-->(a group of pigs look scandalized)
-->'''Mrs. Bluveridge:''' [[LastSecondWordSwap ...Potatoes!"]]
-->(The pigs are mollified. Then a very offended potato-woman walks by)
-->'''Mrs. Bluveridge:''' "No offense, deary, no offense."
-->'''Potato-Woman:''' "Mah."
* Blind Pew the "Visually challenged" fiend, spends a majority of his scenes making one BlindMistake after another; HE thinks a living moose head is Billy Bones, and during the pirates' raid on the Admiral Benbow, he opens a clock's case, rushes in, and bangs his head on the pendelum. When the inn is on fire, and everyone else is panicking, all Pew says is, "I think I smell something burning, no?"
* "He died? And this is supposed to be a kids movie!"
** "But I'm not Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim! ''He's'' Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim!"
** Billy Bones's [[FamousLastWords last words]]: "[[PublicServiceAnnouncement Beware of running with scissors or any other pointy objects, it's all good fun until somebody loses an EYE!!]]" *dies*
** "We're standing in a room with A DEAD GUY!!! ''(they all freak out)''
* The running gag of Mrs. Bulveridge able to hear someone slacking off despite being in a completely different room or upstairs. When Billy Bones wants rum, you hear her screaming "Don't be giving him anymore rum!" Everyone stares up as Billy moans "How does she bloody ''do'' that?!"
** It pays off as the last we see of her, she's literally smashed through the wall of the burning inn, fighting a half dozen pirates at once and telling the guys to just run, she'll hold them off.
-->'''Jim, Gonzo and Rizzo''': How ''does'' she do that?!
* When Gonzo spills gunpowder all over the store room floor at the Admiral Benbow, and then the pirates attack him and Rizzo; they drop a lit candle onto the spilled gunpowder, with awesome and hilarious results.
--> "Oh, woof."
** Even funnier, according to [[WordOfGod Kermit himself]] (or [[WordOfDante at least the guy running his Facebook page]]), the entire scene was improvised.
* Statler and Waldorf's first exchange:
-->'''Statler''': Take a cruise, you said. See the world, you said. Now, we're stuck on the front of this stupid ship.
-->'''Waldorf''': Well, it could be worse. We could be stuck in the audience.
* This dialogue when Polly Lobster is introduced:
-->'''Gonzo''': I thought sailors had talking parrots as pets.
-->'''Long John Silver''': Talking...parrots?
-->'''Polly Lobster''': What an imagination. First pirates, now talking parrots. What's next? [[Main/MickeyMouse A singing, dancing mouse]] with his own [[Ride/DisneyThemeParks amusement park]]?
* "...and people die by falling overboard!" Great line to insert in a cheery song about sailing for adventure.
** "...and margaritas at the midnight buffet!" "MARGARITAS AT THE MIDNIGHT BUFFET!"
* The roll call scene.
-->'''Samuel Arrow''': Big-fat-Ugly-bug-faced-baby-eating-O'Brien?
-->'''Attractive Woman''': ''[[VocalDissonance (in a deep voice)]]'' [[VocalDissonance Aye.]]
-->(''Arrrow and Smallet do a JawDrop'')
-->'''Gonzo''': (''[[FunnyBackgroundEvent in the background]]'') Ugh!
** Followed by:
-->'''Samuel Arrow''': Angel Marie!
-->'''[[{{Gonk}} Really Ugly Muppet]]''': AYE! AYE!
** Pretty much every single name called is a gag.
-->'''Arrow:''' Old Tom!
-->'''Old Tom:''' Aye!
-->'''Arrow:''' Real Old Tom!
-->'''Older Tom:''' Aye!
-->'''Arrow:''' Dead Tom!
-->'''Dead Tom:''' *a Muppet skeleton steps into frame, manipulated by another Muppet* Aye-aye!
-->'''Arrow and Smollett exchange looks as if saying "what do you know about that!"'''
-->'''Arrow:''' Clueless Morgan!
-->'''Clueless Morgan:''' Huh?
-->'''Arrow:''' Headless Bill! (beat) Headless Bill?
-->'''Arrow and Smollett lead over and see a headless guy, who gives them a salute.'''
* After the roll is called and Kermit (and the audience) get a good look at the rather unsavory crew, he very calmly and politely asks to see the main characters in his cabin. Cut to him screaming "''WHO HIRED THIS CREW?'' THIS IS UNDOUBTEDLY THE ''SEEDIEST'' BUNCH OF CUTTHROATS, VILLAINS AND SCOUNDRELS I'VE EVER SEEN, ''SO WHO HIRED THEM?!?!?'' *huff* *huff*" Everyone points to Fozzie, who points at his own finger.
-->"Your finger hired the crew???"
-->"No, that's ''silly''! That man who lives in my finger hired the crew. Mr Bimbo." ''*listens to his finger*'' "What? Ah, yeah, he relied heavily on the advice of an excellent cook, Long John Silver."
-->"A ''cook'', and a guy who lives in a bear's finger???"
-->"Exactly!"
-->"I'm starting to worry about this voyage."
* Clueless Morgan and company trying to torture Gonzo for information. They put Gonzo on the rack, but the only thing they succeed at doing is making his arms and legs ten feet long.
-->'''Gonzo:''' I might even have a future in the NBA!
** Even funnier in that if you watch the scene closely one of Gonzo's arms or legs gets over to where Smollett is standing and starts tickling him while Smollett stares into the camera.
* The "[[BigLippedAlligatorMoment Cabin Fever]]" number.
** The highlight of that would be the outer shot of the ship with spotlight waving wildly, specifically during the lyrics "''This once proud vessel has become a floating psycho ward...''".
* The following exchange as Gonzo and Rizzo sit eating apples:
-->'''Gonzo''': This feels so weird.
-->'''Rizzo''': What? That Mr. Arrow's dead?
-->'''Gonzo''': That, and my pants are filled with starfish.
-->'''Rizzo''': ''(beat)'' You and your hobbies.
** Made even better in the film's climax [[ChekhovsGag when Gonzo whips out said starfish]] to use as ninja stars against one of the pirates.
* Benjamina's spoiled entrance. "You stupid anteater!"
* The Swedish Chef's very random appearance (complete with a fake pig snout) as the tribe's chef. The veggies says what the audience is thinking.
--> '''Vegetable:''' Well, how else were we gonna get him into this movie?
* This exchange:
-->"Dead Tom's dead! Long John shot him!"
-->"But--Dead Tom's always been dead. That's why he's called 'Dead Tom.'"
-->"Oh." ''(drops the bones)''
** And Long John rolling his eyes in the background.
** And this one:
-->'''Long John:''' The Black Spot? You dare to give me the Black Spot?
-->'''Clueless Morgan:''' ''(fearful and quickly points at Polly Lobster)'' He told me too!
-->'''Polly:''' Shut up, will ya!
-->'''Long John:''' And it's drawn on a page from the Bible? You tore a page from the Holy Scriptures to make a pirate’s death sentence?!
-->''(Crowd parts to show Mad Monty holding said bible. He quickly tries to get rid of it)''\\
'''Long John:''' [[ChewingTheScenery OOOOHHH, the red-hot GATES OF HELL are creeping open! SATAN is heatin' his pokers for you, you blasphemous HEATHENS! Fall down on your KNEES, and BEG for deliverance from DAMNATION!]]
** "Very good. *eye roll* You're forgiven."
* The... "showdown" between the pirates and pig islanders.
-->'''Chieftain:''' You! Tiny pirate men stand down, or die like stinking dogs!\\
* Long John shoots his headdress off*\\
'''Chieftain:''' We see you have boom-boom sticks. *beat* [[ScrewThisImOutOfHere Bye bye.]]\\
* tribe runs away*
* Samuel Arrow is ''still'' not done gauging the lifeboat's seaworthiness as he rows ashore, as he then asks the others to join him in the "exceptionally safe" lifeboat.
* Hearing that pirates are superstitious, Bunsen thinks up a way to get Silver's pirate crew to leave. Sam rises out into the ship's platform in white flour, with a deadpan performance as a 'ghost': "Boogie, boogie, boogie. I am the ghost of Samuel Arrow." *beat* "Boogie!" Followed by the entire pirate crew throwing themselves off the ship in panic.
* Statler and Waldorf in their last appearance, after they save Kermit and Ms. Piggy.
-->'''Statler:''' Waldorf you old fool. We're heroes! We saved the pig and the frog.
-->'''Waldorf:''' Well, it was too late to save the movie. (All laugh)
* In the middle of Kermit's Flynning, Silver says "Excuse me", and a distracted Kermit lets the sword go flying. Made better by the look of "you've gotta be kidding me" on Curry's face.
** Arrow's reaction. He face palms...while punching Polly Lobster without even looking.
* A massive MoodWhiplash occurs after Kermit and Mrs. Piggy has sung "[[SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments Love Lead Us Here]]". Mrs. Piggy's rope suddenly burns up and she is about to fall to her death coupled with hysterical screaming. Kermit manages to Catch her, and he has WideEyesAndShrunkenIrises and a very expressive mouth.
** ''Love Led Us Here'' is in itself very funny, considering it's an AwardBait parody song where the participants are hanging upside down throughout.