* Practically everything the Governance de Magi says while staging its council meetings. Especially Melchior's lines. In particular:
-->'''(The Governance de Magi is asking for volunteers to go after Rohoph)'''
-->'''Melchior''': I'd go, but I need to wash my hair.
-->'''Gaspar''': YOU DON'T FOOLIN' WELL ''HAVE'' ANY PRUNIN' HAIR, YOU LAGABOUTIN' SPOUTIN' POUTIN' TROUT!
-->'''Melchior''': So it will take a very long time to wash it. You see, mathematically, since I have no hair, and dividing by zero results in infinity, it shall take an infinite amount of time to wash my hair.
** Every single thing Solaar says.
** Also, Saul, an [[LargeHam over-the-top necromancer]] who [[ThirdPersonPerson narrates his life in a mixture of]] PurpleProse and StylisticSuck.
-->'''Mardek''': Well, I'd only kill a guy if he killed me first!
* The encyclopedia's description of the zombie [[spoiler:locksmith]] miniboss.
-->WHY A ZOMBIE [[spoiler:LOCKSMITH]]?! WHY?! [[GiantSpaceFleaFromNowhere WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING]]?! [[BrickJoke IT DOESN'T FIT IN ANYWHERE AT ALL]]!! I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!!
-->'''(Gaspar is talking about how he will kill Mardek's party before they [[BreakingTheFourthWall level up enough to pose a threat]])'''
-->'''Melchior:''' But what if they all use their soul transfer thingy-majigs?
-->'''Balthazar:''' I keep telling you: humans cannot do that, myes. They are weak and pathetic and they can't even perceive psychic energy waves or electromagnetic radiation.
-->'''Melchior:''' You have to ''believe'', Balthy. You have to believe.
** Take Vehrn and Elywen into the Dark Temple. Talk to Elywen. Do the same, but with Elwyen and Solaar. Laughter will ensue.
* The Warport security is full of these. Answer a question wrong and the security person turns into a giant demon and kills you almost instantly. The best part is that they will call you a terrorist and then kill you if, for example, you say that the color blue is ugly, that you don't have enough legs, or that you don't find them attractive.