* "One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass." ''That's [[SeriesEstablishingMoment the first line of the movie]]!''
** And the punchline: [[spoiler:"[[CrossesTheLineTwice Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?]]"]]
* Brodie's steadily increasing rage about the kid on the escalator.
--> I hope his pants get caught and a bloodbath ensues!
* Brodie Bruce, quote machine: "I woulda made a sexy chick!"
* Then there's the matter of Brodie's breakup with Rene. He initially thought it was over [[PottyHumor his farting while she's giving him oral sex]]. T.S. quickly asserts that if that was the cause, he was damn lucky that's ''all'' she did.
* Brodie's rant about being stuck in the past while walking backwards and the inevitable payoff.
-->'''Brodie:''' You face forward or you face the possibility of shock and damage! *immediately gets hit in the back of the head with a crossbeam*
* Jay and Silent Bob, "avenging" Brodie, beat the crap out of the Easter Bunny in front of an army of children, who then proceed to pummel them both.
** A few scenes later, one of the network execs mentions that "the Easter Bunny was accosted this morning."
* The [[Film/TheThreeStooges Curly Howard]]-esque yelp that Jay makes when he sees that the police are closing in on he and Silent Bob.
* The various things that Silent Bob pulls out of his coat to escape Team [=LaFours=].
* Everything involving the topless three-nippled psychic, Ivanna.
-->'''TS:''' You have a third nipple?
-->'''Brodie:''' *has been horribly uncomfortable through the entire scene* What are you talking about? It's as clear as day!
** And then the end of the scene, when it turns out that it's fake.
-->'''Ivanna:''' Works every time.
* Pretty much the entire ''Truth or Date'' [[OffTheRails sequence]] is one, with Brodie getting most of the best lines, frequently at the expense of [[ButtMonkey Gil]].
-->'''Brodie:''' *after Gil's proposed date plans* That was the biggest load of CRAP I've ever heard! I mean look at you, you're the kinda guy that would beg for sex. And I should know, [[SelfDeprecation we can smell our own]].
** And then how he goes off on a story about his Cousin Walter [[ADateWithRosiePalms jacking off in public]]. And the audience appears to be ''very'' engrossed by the story.
*** And the punchline: Brodie getting offended when Gil asks if Walter or any of the people on the plane with him ended up climaxing.
--> '''Brodie''': "Jesus Christ, man! [[HypocriticalHumor There's just some things you don't talk about in public]]!"
** Brodie insinuating that Gil's a self-loathing gay guy.
** It's pretty much summed up in this quote from Jay to Tricia:
-->'''Jay:''' Are you watching this shit man, it's fucked up!
* Any time Jay draws a blueprint, and any time they try to carry it out.
-->'''Jay:''' Fly, fatass! Fly!
* Silent Bob crashing through the dressing room wall ''twice'' while carrying out said plans and happening upon Gwen changing.
** Then when Gwen happens upon Jay and Silent Bob talking to Brodie after Shannon beats him up, Silent Bob tries to conceal his face, but Gwen notices him anyway.
* Shannon Hamilton has tried to screw girls in a very uncomfortable place:
-->'''[[StrangeMindsThinkAlike Various]]''':''' What, like the back of a Volkswagen?
** And when Gil mentions it, Brodie does a small DoubleTake, as if thinking "How did you know?...", at which point Gil just turns away awkwardly.
* Everybody ''but'' poor Willam Black [[RunningGag seeing the sailboat in the Magic-Eye picture]].
-->'''Little Girl''': Wow, it's a schooner!
-->'''William''': Ha ha ha ha. You dumb bastard. [[https://youtu.be/BDoC8BhtUyo It's not a schooner... it's a sailboat.]]
-->'''Little Boy''': A schooner ''is'' a sailboat, [[BigStupidDooDooHead stupid head]]!
-->'''William''': ''[[SuddenlyShouting You know what]]!?'' '''[[DisproportionateRetribution There IS no Easter Bunny!]]''' ''Over there, that's [[MallSanta just a guy in a suit]]!''
* T.S. referring to Trish the Dish as a "[[UnusualEuphemism Junior Master's in Johnson.]]"
** Or is it "Junior [[JustForPun Masters and Johnson]]"?
* After Tricia admits to sleeping with Shannon, she tells Brodie that Shannon has quite a disdain for him. Brodie's horrified reaction: "Ew, [[FoeYay he mentioned me during sex]]?!"
* Jay's wail of support for T.S. while he's on the game show (or rather, T.S.' assumed identity): "DO IT, DOUG!"
* This quote from Jay to Willam:
-->'''Jay:''': I'll tell you what you need is a fatty, boombatty blunt! And I'll guarantee you'll see a sailboat, an ocean, and maybe even some of them [[MermaidProblem big-titted mermaids]], [[GirlOnGirlIsHot doing some of that lesbian shit]]. Look at me, look at me, you sloppy bitch!
* When Svenning is speaking to the network execs, trying to assure them that ''Truth or Date'' will "go off without a hitch", someone offscreen yells "LOOK OUT!" [[OffscreenCrash as we hear something crash]]. Svenning tries to assure the execs that it's a "[[BlatantLies sound test]]".
* While in the book store, Jay shows Silent Bob a picture in a girlie magazine and tells him "Dude, this look like {{your mom}}." Silent Bob looks up from his book, looks at the picture, ''considers it for a moment'' and nods in a "Yeah, kinda" sort of way.
* From the 2005 DVD, the "Mallrats: The Reunion" Q&A with the cast and crew was a barrelful of laughs. For instance, Kevin Smith recalling how he and Scott Mosier crashed at producer Jim Jacks' house while in LA editing and at one point, [[WildTeenParty they had just had a party]]. Jacks arrived, people rushed out the back- and Jacks flipped out over [[SeriousBusiness finding chicken grease on the phone]], with Kevin describing how Jason Mewes was over the sink in the kitchen, [[OhCrap with a piece of fried chicken up to his mouth]].