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'''As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked [[Administrivia/SpoilersOff as per policy.]] Administrivia/YouHaveBeenWarned.'''
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[[folder:Storylines]]
* The webcomic ''[[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/event-coverage/journey-eye-2009-10-01 Journey to the Eye]]'' part 1. It's not easy to find a good guide to travel in a DeathWorld...
* ''[[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/feature/dark-discoveries-2011-05-19 Dark Discoveries]]'' part 1. Don't butt into Tezzeret's business; [[ShootTheMessenger he doesn't like it]].
* Any new members of the Gruul on Planeswalker Points will get treated to a [[http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nTTa-mcKUe0/UKZPNtvIjzI/AAAAAAAAAjU/HJCVfP0Z7TU/s1600/Gruul-Guild-Letter-Gatecrash-Art-615x481.jpg thought-provoking letter]] from Borborygmos.
* The guild letter for the Izzet is also chuckle-worthy.
--> Welcome to the Izzet League, achievers of the impossible! Your work has led you to the guild that tries the untried, challenges the status quo, and defies such tedious concepts as "good enough" and "[[NoOSHACompliance laboratory safety]]." Our mission is to venture unflinchingly into the unknown, with no concerns for the risks. Others may fear the volatility of our endeavors, but isn't ignorance the greatest danger of all? We understand that knowledge cannot be gained without passion, and that [[StuffBlowingUp an explosion]] is the result.
-->You've joined us at an especially exciting time. Our visionary guildmaster and parun, the dracogenius Niv-Mizzet, has us hard at work: [[MagiBabble funneling energy through the city's mana agitators, combining elemental weirds, and cranking the mizzium fluxboilers beyond their breaking point]]. So strap on your elemental gauntlets and prepare to explore beyond the boundaries of known magic!
-->--Singe, Goblin Chemister of the Izzet
* In "The Secretist, Part 2", by Doug Beyer, Jace gets into a fight with [[TheBrute Ruric-]][[TheBigGuy Thar]]. Unable to defeat a giant, two-headed, magic-resistant ogre with his usual arsenal of tricks and illusions, Jace throws the book out of the window and bites them in the kneepits. They are amused enough by this to concede and give him what he wants.
* Kiora prefers the direct approach in acquiring assistance from her soon-to-be minions:
-->"I like you, [[JoinOrDie I also have a sea monster.]] Want to help me out?" -- Kiora
* The uncharted realms article "The Gorgon and the Guildpact" has a few gems:
-->'''Lavina''': Is it murder?
-->'''Jace''': Why do you say that?
-->'''Lavina''': Because you're making that face. Your 'there's been a murder' face.
-->'''Jace''': I have a 'there's been a murder' face?
-->'''Lavina''': More than one, in fact.
** After being told the bodies spell out his name:
---> "Oh." Jace heaved a breath. He really needed to get a desk at some point, with a big leather-bound chair that he could slump into at times like this. "Well. All right."
** [[BrickJoke And he does]]. No chair, though.
---> "As soon as the door shut behind them, Jace's smile dropped, and he sat down on the large wooden desk he'd finally gotten around to installing. The desk creaked, and he frowned. He still needed a nice big chair to collapse into. Leather. Something expensive."
* This gem from ''Planeswalker's Guide to Dragons of Tarkir Part 1'' (particularly given the context):
-->''Many can understand at least the basic spoken language, particularly when the dragons enunciate slowly and clearly for their benefit. Relatively few can understand the complex spoken Draconic used in intense spiritual debates.''
* Jace's Origin Story. After his first real planeswalk, he lands in Ravnica, and finds a woman who takes in stray children (which he now looks like), a woman named Emmara Tandris. Their first meeting:
-->'''Jace''': ''(thinking)'' She's beautiful.\\
'''Emmara''': If you've come only to admire me, I'm afraid I haven't the time.\\
'''Jace''': You're a mind reader?\\
'''Emmara''': No. You're a teenager.
* The mere fact that the Praetors, arguably the most terrifying creatures on New Phyrexia, are continuously bickering like bratty siblings.
-->'''Jin-Gitaxias''': I despise Vorinclex and his slobberings about "evolution". Only I know true progress.\\
'''Vorinclex''': Dead or alive, my creations are stronger than Jin-Gitaxias's septic minions.
* Elesh Norn's fanatical speeches can be a source of BlackComedy (no pun intended).
-->''Ah, the glorious symphony of bitter hymns and forced hallelujahs! See the ignorant fall to their knees when I remove their heathen feet! All will be blessed with the pains of redemption! [[LiteralMinded Look inside yourself to see the truth, or see my suture priests so they can open your chest to find it for you!]]''
* Jace is apparently a coffee addict.
-->"Coffee," said Jace. "The Living Guildpact rules that coffee is an acceptable substitution for rest, as specified in subsection... whatever."
* [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/very-arena-2016-10-12 In This Very Arena]], Jace meets up with Ral Zarek...
-->'''Ral Zarek''': ''(sitting down next to Jace)'' The Guildpact is a--''([[NarrativeProfanityFilter followed by a colorfully vulgar and startlingly visual torrent of phrases]].)''\\
'''Jace''': ''([[DisapprovingLook sighs audibly]])''\\
'''Ral''': ''(chuckling)'' Just testing if you could really read my thoughts.
** Later, The Gatewatch reassemble and Ajani is a bit behind on recent story developments.
-->''"It seems this is a matter for the Gatewatch," Jace said.\\
Nissa abandoned her spell and wiped a hand down her face. "Your disguises work a little too well. We were about to injure you very badly."\\
"Just trying to blend in," Jace said. "We heard Tezzeret is here?"\\
"He's here, and he has Chandra's mother," said Ajani.\\
"What's a leonin doing with you?" Liliana asked, sizing up Ajani.\\
"What's a Gatewatch?" Ajani asked, looking down at her.''
** Jace also hasn't been totally diligent with his work as the Guildpact...
--->He thought then of Lavinia, who was convinced Jace was still in his office right now, hunched over a sheaf of papers, dutifully doing the grunt work of maintaining the delicate balance between the guilds. Or maybe she had already discovered the studious illusion he left behind, and was in [[SkywardScream the midst of yelling "GUILDPAAAACT!" at the ceiling]] in that way that she did.
* [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/uncharted-realms/tarkir-dragons-2015-02-25 Sarkhan runs around the]] [[SetRightWhatOnceWentWrong new Tarkir]] as giddy as a schoolchild, and gives bearhugs to goblins!
* In "The Darksteel Eye", one of the Mirrodin novels, Glissa the elf, Slobad the goblin, and Bosh the giant iron Golem are faced with a blockade of enemies they have to get past. They do this by Bosh stuffing the other two in his chest cavity and curling up, bowling over the entire group of enemies. Halfway through the ride, Slobad [[VomitIndiscretionShot throws up over Glissa's feet]], for which she promptly scolds him. Seconds later, [[VomitChainReaction she goes too.]] Bosh is annoyed at how much that will make his inner workings itch.
* [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/unwelcome-2016-03-16 "Unwelcome"]]:
** A good portion of Jace's conversation with Liliana is just pure funny [[https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Quotes/MagicTheGathering The Quotes]] page can elaborate.
** Also, Jace completely screwing up his conversation with the guide leading him through Stensia. [[FailedASpotCheck And then only realising he's a werewolf when his mindreading tells him as much.]]:
--> The full moon peeked out from behind the clouds, its huge silver face marked with a shape that the locals called a heron. Jace could see the resemblance.\\
[...]\\
"Ahhhhh," said his guide, a strangled sound that Jace took to indicate boredom.\\
"I'm sorry," said Jace. "I shouldn't be burdening you with my problems."\\
He prepared a spell that would cleanly excise the last few minutes of conversation from the man's mind.\\
"Ahhhhhrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhh," said his guide. Not boredom. Anger?\\
Jace reached into the man's mind—and hit a wall of pure, all-encompassing rage, the savage half-thoughts of a predator.\\
His guide turned to him, accompanied by the stomach-churning sounds of bones cracking and clothes tearing. His face had bulged horribly, one eye grown large and yellow, his jaw jutting outward. Both horses shifted nervously.\\
"Oh," said Jace.
* [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/games-2016-04-27 "Games"]] is another story highlighting the SiblingRivalry between Gisa and Geralf. Here's some gems:
** After Gisa escapes imprisonment (thanks to Geralf's skaabs, something she's [[UngratefulBastard not the least bit thankful for]]), she announces her return to Geralf in this exchange:
--> '''Gisa''': GUESS WHO JUST BROKE OUT OF PRISON!
----> Your ever-loving sister, Gisa
--> '''Geralf''': Gisa, You don't just say "guess who" and then answer it in the signature, moron.
** Gisa has recently undergone a messed-up form of catharsis by raising the corpses of their parents and venting to them. Geralf's response?
-->You are being ''incredibly'' irresponsible. Put Mummy and Father back in the ground ''where they belong''.
** Geralf eventually gets annoyed at Gisa's constant nagging on him, and thus he decides to ignore her letters (and a few EmbarrassingNickname she throws at him), up to a point.
--> '''Gisa''': Dear Meat Embroiderer, Why aren't you answering my letters. It's because you have a ''girlfriend'', isn't it.
--> '''Geralf''': ''Please'' do not bring that up. Lili was never my girlfriend! (...) Here is a foot covered in gout. It reminded me of your personality.
* [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/innistrads-last-hope-2016-06-29 Innistrad's Last Hope]] tells of the Planeswalkers that make up the Gatewatch experiencing Innistrad's DarkestHour, what with the [[EldritchAbomination Eldrazi titan Emrakul and her lineage wreaking havoc on the world]]. Liliana is, meanwhile, working on an experiment that'll allow her to use the Chain Veil without it hurting her in the process. The experiment...leaves a bit to be desired...
-->'''Geistmage Dierk''': The collectors are raised, madam. And the storm is reaching its peak. But I feel obligated to point out that we'll be coursing an enormous dose of spectral energy directly into the artifact...\\
'''Liliana''': You don't have to warn me.\\
'''Dierk''': ...powered by the force of [[ShockAndAwe a lightning storm]]...\\
'''Liliana''': [[BluntYes Yes]].\\
'''Dierk''': ...while you are wearing it...\\
'''Liliana''': I know.\\
'''Dierk''': ...on your ''face''.\\
'''Liliana''': ''(rolling her eyes)'' [[TechnoBabble The flow of geist energy through the orb will thus act as a kind of spectral antenna, shunting the object's counterassault away from the subject, sublimating the backlash as harmless atmospheric static, circumventing all repercussions and thereby allowing free utilization of the artifact.]]\\
'''Dierk''': ''(not totally convinced)'' [[WhatCouldPossiblyGoWrong That is the theory.]]
* Chandra is a bit more willing to hear Liliana out than Gideon in [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/battle-thraben-2016-07-20 The Battle of Thraben]].
-->'''Chandra:''' The nice lady with the uncomfortable dress just saved our butts, Gideon. Calm down a second.
* In [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/promised-end-2016-07-27 The Promised End]], Jace finds himself in a tower where he encounters a copy of himself. To prove that he and the copy are the same, the copy asks Jace a simple riddle. Jace solves it quickly, and as it turns out...
-->The point of the riddle wasn't to see if he solved it. The point was to see how dismissive and incredulous he was at an easy riddle. He nodded. ''Okay, this is me.'' He knew the copy was thinking the same thing.
** Jace's frustration over getting a taste of his own medicine dealing with himself.
--->'''Jace:''' Am I really this infuriating? I am this infuriating. I need to work on that.
* ''[[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/homesick-2016-08-29 Homesick]]'', the introductory story to the ''Kaladesh'' set. While it has some particularly serious plot elements (namely, Chandra getting furious upon being reminded of her childhood tragedy when meeting someone from her home plane), the rest of the story reads like a {{sitcom}} episode. Some gems:
** The complete stream of consciousness style of writing when the story is being told from Chandra's point of view. She does ''not'' have a very long attention span.
** Despite being centuries old, Liliana doesn't even know what a ''mango'' is.
--->'''Chandra''': Mango is the best. Anyone who says otherwise should be pitied for their tragic and inescapable wrongness.
** Liliana and Chandra acting like wacky siblings, complete with Liliana cutting off Chandra's [[NeverHeardThatOneBefore necromancer jokes]]... then letting her have one anyway, just out of friendship.
** Jace and Gideon end up arguing about who's in charge while talking with their very-much-perfectionist guest, Dovin Baan.
--->'''Jace''': Gideon is the battlefield commander...\\
'''Gideon''': Jace is the administrator...\\
'''Jace''': But we both...\\
'''Gideon''': But neither of us...\\
[[{{Facepalm}} Baan was clutching his head as if he had a migraine]].
** Chandra is understandably upset when she found out Dovin Baan is a Consulate representative from Kaladesh, and she decides to vent her frustration on a punching bag. She accidentally sets it on fire, so she douses it, leaving a mess of wet sand from the broken punching bag. What does she do next?
---> [Liliana] leaned one hip against the door into Beefslab's[[note]]Gideon[[/note]] gymnasium. After the scene downstairs, she'd expected fire damage. The sandcastle was a surprise.
** After the punching bag issue, Chandra runs off to Nissa for comfort, but even on the way to meet Nissa, Chandra manages to tell herself many weird things, beginning with:
---> '''Chandra''': ''(in her mind) Damn it, Chandra, don't open that door. Stop gawping at the ginormous flowers that weren't here a month ago. Bad Chandra, no cinnamon pastry. Just turn around, go back downstairs, and never think of doing this agai—''
** It becomes pretty awkward when Nissa suddenly opens the door.
--->'''Nissa''': ''Chandra?''
--->'''Chandra''': ''(in her mind) [[AtomicFBomb FFFFFFFFF]]...''
** Then it gets worse while she's with Nissa.
---> '''Chandra''': ''(in her mind, after muttering random stuff)'' ''WHAT IS COMING OUT OF MY FACE?''
** After the botched heart-to-heart session with Nissa, Chandra bolts off outside, but when passing by Gideon (who is inspecting the fire damage Chandra did just earlier), she quickly apologizes.
---> '''Chandra''': [=SorryIblewupyourthingy=]!
---> '''Gideon''': ''(after Chandra is out of view)'' Careful! You might fall!
* Chandra and Liliana's next appearance in [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/torch-defiance-2016-09-05 Torch of Defiance]] is less hilarious, but still has Liliana being ''such'' a bad influence, culminating in her bringing down the guards on them by hurling an obscenity at Consulate vedalken, throwing her drink in his face, and smugly boasting about how proud they are to be renegade sympathisers.
-->'''Chandra:''' Liliana, you're two centuries older than me. [[FoolishSiblingResponsibleSibling Exactly which of us is supposed to be the responsible one?]]\\
'''Liliana:''' Let me tell you a secret. [[TheUnfettered There doesn't have to]] ''[[TheUnfettered be]]'' [[TheUnfettered a responsible one]].
* [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/release-2016-10-05 Release]]: Chandra meets [[PantheraAwesome Ajani]] for the first time.
-->'''Chandra''': Whoa, big kitty, got arms like Gids (Gideon).
-->''[Ajani] wondered what gids were.''
* In [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/burn-2017-01-04 Burn]], Dovin Baan got Tezzeret to ''flip out'', and then told him after the tantrum that he was "unimpressed" with him yelling at their aether crew for results.
** And later, following the reveal of Baral's numerous deceptions and abuses of his Consulate position and subsequent arrest, Baral snarls that Dovin Baan's actions will not be forgotten. Dovin Baan's response is a cool retort of "Excellent. I do not care to repeat myself." From the ''Magic'' equivalent of [[Franchise/StarTrek Vulcans]], that's likely the closest you'll get to {{flipping the bird}}.
** Also, this entire exchange:
--->The girl hollered obscenities up at them, constellations of sparks spinning from her eyes in the downdraft.
--->Baan yanked the megaphone to his mouth. "Those devices are certified for external use only. [[AssShove A malfunction could seriously injure one's sph—]]"
--->She gestured up at him, emphatically.
* Noyan Dar's [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/shaping-army-2015-10-21 meeting with Gideon]] is hilarious from start to finish. Starting with:
--> The man looked at him closely and said, "I'm Gideon Jura. I'm looking for the roilmage, Noyan Dar. You have some blood on your nose. Are you well?" The look of concern was so genuine Noyan wanted to scream.
--> He did, just a little. It was the best he felt all morning.
* A look into Chandra's mind while fighting wurms in [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/impact-2017-03-29 Impact]], the first story of the Amonkhet set...
-->HOLY FIERY RIVERS OF REGATHA WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT THING AND DID IT JUST EAT LILIANA NO WAY WHAT THE HELL DIE IN A PILLAR OF FLAME YOU BIG FAT STUPID WAIT DID NISSA JUST SAY THERE WERE MORE COMING OH GEEZ YUP THERE THEY ARE GET OUT OF THE WAY I'LL ROAST YOU ALL GIVE BACK LILIANA YOU STUPID SONS OF INBRED BANDARS—
** From the same story, the Gatewatch's reactions to seeing that Nicol Bolas built a truly gigantic monument in the shape of his horns.
-->'''Nissa:''' Ah.
-->'''Jace:''' Well then.
-->'''Liliana:''' He's not subtle.
-->'''Gideon:''' How...did we miss that?

* Jace considers why Nicol Bolas might have built a pair of miles-tall monuments shaped like his horns.
-->Sure, it was easy to think Nicol Bolas's ego was such that he'd build a mighty monument to himself just because he could. Yet Bolas wasn't one for wasteful, narcissistic grand gestures. No, his gestures always served hidden purposes several layers deep ''and'' were excessively narcissistic and grandiose.
* [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/writing-wall-2017-04-12 The Writing on the Wall]]: Nissa decides to go for a walk and wakes up Chandra, who agrees after some breakfast... Cue a mummy barging in with a tray, scaring both Nissa and Chandra and causing Jace to fall out of bed in surprise. He turns and angrily asks through the wall Liliana if it's one of hers.
-->'''Liliana:''' [[NotMeThisTime Not mine!]]
* [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/judgment-2017-05-17 Judgment.]] Samut really, really wants to convince her best friend Djeru that the Trials is a sham and thus she has asked him to meet her in a secret place. And to throw off suspicions... she forced him to dress as a {{mummy}}. He is not amused.
--> '''Samut''': But [the mummy disguise] got you here without getting either of us killed.\\
'''Djeru''': I can barely move. Get me out of this.
* While the rest of [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/feast-2017-06-14 Feast]] is pretty much pure NightmareFuel, there is something incredibly hilarious about Razaketh announcing that he's found Lilliana in the crowd by using his contract-granted PeoplePuppets ability to make her own hand wave at her.
* [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/hour-devastation-2017-07-26 Hour of Devastation.]] Bolas ensures that his victory over the Gatewatch is as entertaining as it is brutal, throwing out plenty of snark while repeatedly bouncing Gideon against a brick wall with his tail like a human paddleball.
** A few jewels that confirm that Grixis is the combination of snarking:
--> He wondered how much it would crush their spirits if he applauded. Metaphorically, of course. His talons did not clap together well.\\
They fancied themselves The Gatewatch. As though for some bizarre reason there were gates scattered throughout the Multiverse. That deserved watching.\\
Oh, they probably had a plan. A plan, charitably, could consist of ''kill the dragon''. Or, you burn it, you zombie it, you elemental it, you illusion it, you block it...
--> '''On Jace''': "That was your mind expert, I believe? Do you have a spare? I can wait, or I promise not to listen if you shout at each other." Nicol Bolas lingered on each word, his voice rumbling through the open plaza, punctuated only by the continued thwaps as he bounced Gideon off the wall.
--> '''On Liliana''': And then there were three. I didn't want to annoy your dear departed necromancer, but between us, I admit I know a fair bit of necromancy. Do you have an opening in your Gatewatch? Is there some type of application process?
--> '''On... well''': Chandra Nalaar. You had so many useful characteristics. Powerful. Emotionally unstable. Easy to manipulate. Refreshingly predictable unpredictability. I really wanted to make this work... But fire against a dragon? I have standards.
--> '''On Gideon''': "Will not win? Will not win?" Bolas's laughed rumbled through the plaza. "Gideon Jura, you are very bad at analyzing reality. I have fought against thousands of generals, thousands of tacticians and strategists and battle masterminds. You might be the worst. Let me help you. Ignoring obvious reality is a fatal flaw in our line of work. By all means, I understand the importance of... aspirations, but being able to accurately assess the facts in front of you is an essential skill in the trade."
* [[https://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/jace-alone-2017-09-06 Jace, Alone]]: Jace has tried and failed to planeswalk away from Ixalan due to the strange barrier surrounding the plane. His reaction? To drop his biggest AtomicFBomb.
** That isn't even the icing on the cake for "Jace, Alone". There's plenty of humor to be had: After calling the island he's stranded on "Useless island!" in a fit of frustration at not being able to light a fire, he starts using it as a term of affection. Even in his memories, fractured as they are, he refers to it as Useless Island. Including at the end of the story, using his Guildpact power over Azor (a Parun of Ravnica and thus bound to the Guildpact) to send him to Useless Island and remain there for the rest of his life.
* [[https://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/question-confidence-2017-09-13 A Question of Confidence]] shows how Huatli's spark ignites during a fight with Angrath the minotaur planeswalker. While she isn't able to leave Ixalan due to the plane's unique binding magic, she sees the Kaladesh city of Ghirapur... and ends up mistaking that experience as a prophetic vision of the lost city of Orazca.
* [[https://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/race-part-2-2017-10-18 The Race, Part 2]]:
** Vraska has grown fond enough of Jace that she wants to petrify whoever caused his memory loss... [[DramaticIrony unaware that her own boss, Nicol Bolas did it]].
** Angrath is still trying to get Huatli to join his cause (to disable Ixalan's anti-planewalking magic), and he's extremely straightforward and tactless about it: Yelling on top of his lungs to get her attention, yanking her with chains to stop her from running away, and this gem at the end.
-->'''Angrath''': Whatever prevents us from leaving this plane is locked in that city. We can help each other escape to different worlds if we find it. ''(Huatli feels slightly hopeful)'' And all we have to do is [[MurderIsTheBestSolution kill everyone who tries to steal Orazca from our grasp]].
-->'''Huatli''', in her head: ''Spectacular. The murder monster wants to be my friend.''
** Before that, Huatli mistakes Angrath telling her about her planeswalking ability with him trying to pull a NotSoDifferentRemark, leading to this gem (the text even [[LampshadeHanging points out that Huatli is being really dramatic]]):
-->'''Angrath:''' You are like me.\\
'''Huatli:''' [[LargeHam I will never be like you!]]\\
'''Angrath:''' No, idiot, not like that.
** Huatli finds herself on the opposite end on the spectrum while traveling with Tishana. After one cryptic shamanic comment from her, Huatli just rolls her eyes, and we are told it's the sixth time it happened that day.
* [[https://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/arbiter-law-left-chaos-his-wake-2018-01-24?/ The Arbiter of Law Left Chaos in His Wake]]. After Angrath tries to sprint to Orazca ahead of Huatli, she summons a dinosaur to pin him down as she (and Tishana) goes to Orazca. Angrath presumably breaks free off-screen, ''roasts the dinosaur'', then smashes his way into the room with the Immortal Sun, casually tossing the dinosaur's head at Huatli.
--> '''Huatli''': [[YouMonster You are AWFUL!]]
--> '''Angrath''': YOU MADE YOUR DINOSAUR STAND ON TOP OF ME!
* [[https://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/who-tells-stories-2018-02-07 Who Tells The Stories.]]
** Angrath's last words to the plane of Ixalan and its people?
--> '''Angrath''': I HATE THIS PLANE, I HATE THIS CITY, AND I WISH YOU ALL A VISCERALLY PAINFUL DEATH! SEE YOU NEVER, PATHETIC FOOLS!
** Huatli's bringing her new mount home is described as being more or less like getting used to a bigger horse. Said new mount happens to be [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Zacama%2C+Primal+Calamity Zacama, Primal Calamity.]]
* Two of the [[WhatCouldHaveBeen non-canon]] [[https://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/rivals-ixalan-magic-story-alternate-endings-2018-02-21 alternate endings]] for the ''Rivals of Ixalan'' storyline.
** In the "Vampire" ending, Saint Elenda gives [[BloodKnight Vona]] permission to try and claim Orazaca for the Legion of Dusk. Vona rushes to the city and finds it empty. She exults, shouting her triumph to the heavens... and then one of the Elder Dinosaurs eats her.
** In the "Pirate" ending, Vraska's crew realize that they're the last ones left in Orazaca. A week later, the city is packed with drunk pirates celebrating the biggest treasure find in the history of the Coalition.
-->'''Malcolm:''' Will you join me for ale and cards, Co-Emperor Breeches?
-->'''Breeches:''' Yes, Co-Emperor Malcolm! GOLD AND ALE AND CARDS!
* In [[https://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/promised-end-2016-07-27/ The Promised End]], Emrakul and Jace play chess together. Jace wins, and Emrakul is NOT a good loser.
--> One of the pawns beside his queen started to writhe and flow. Hands and a small stone sword appeared on the pawn, and it turned to stab the queen. The queen piece shrieked, blood pouring out of its side. It toppled to the ground, bleeding and shaking. Dying. The rest of the board was pandemonium as more of Jace's pieces transformed. Mutated. They attacked one another mercilessly, killing each other, until the few remaining pieces pirouetted to face the other side of the board. They now all held weapons, weapons dripping with blood, and began a slow march towards Jace's king, who now resembled nothing other than Jace himself.
** Jace's reaction was funny too.
--> '''Jace:''' Wha...buh...tha...that's...that's not fair! You cheated! You can't do that! Those are my pieces!
--> '''Emrakul:''' They are all my pieces, Jace Beleren. They always were. I just no longer want to play.
* In the ''Return to Dominaria'' storyline, the only two members of the Gatewatch still working together are...Gideon and [[TokenEvilTeamMate Liliana]]. How do they cope with each other? By [[SnarkToSnarkCombat snarking back and forth]] LikeAnOldMarriedCouple.
--> '''Liliana:''' Why are you telling everyone our plans? Can you shout a little louder? I'm sure there's at least one Cabal cultist in the countryside who didn't hear you.
--> '''Gideon:''' I'm not telling everyone, I'm talking to the commander of the Church of Serra. [[CaptainObvious She's the one with the wings]].
--> '''Liliana:''' Oh, don't try to be sarcastic, you're not very good at it.
--> '''[[OurAngelsAreDifferent Lyra Dawnbringer]]:''' Have they been like this the entire way from Caligo?
--> '''Thiago:''' Yes, Commander, every step.
* Jaya Ballard, after revealing herself to having masqueraded as Mother Luti on Regatha, on having inadvertently started a religion around herself:
--> A long time ago, I went to Regatha, helped a few people, got drunk, talked a lot, apparently did some very impressive pyromancy, then left. Two hundred years later, I went back and found they'd started a religion based on me. It was all a little embarrassing, frankly.
** And when pressed as to why she stuck around?
--> I didn't want to be a religious icon, but I had to make sure they weren't misrepresenting me!
* The ''Throne Of Eldraine'' Teaser Trailer is packed full of BlackComedy and NightmareFuel. We open to a kitchen table in a castle, with food set out including a pie filled with blackbirds, a blatantly poisoned apple, a golden egg, and three pig heads on a platter! On the wall behind this can be seen bear traps and three bear heads of varying size. Cut to a gingerbread man and woman coming to life, and immediately falling in love while a cover of [[Music/FrankieValliAndTheFourSeasons Frankie Valli's]] "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" plays... before stumbling upon the half-eaten remains of another gingerbread man, complete with x's for his eyes! It only goes downhill for the pair, as ''Garruk Wildspeaker'' busts into the room battling a group of clearly outmatched knights, while the gingerbread pair try desperately not to get crushed in the ensuing chaos. The gingerbread woman falls into a boiling pot, seemingly dead, and while the gingerbread man mourns her, the victorious Garruk nonchalantly picks him up and eats him (and just the idea of [[BarbarianHero Garruk]] going for the gingerbread man in a room packed with food is hilarious in and of itself).
** Garruk's entry bears mentioning in specific. The music goes quiet as a squad of knights surround a door then slowly begins to swell. As one knight cautiously reaches for the door, Garruk bashes it into splinters, blasting all of the knights off their feet. At the same time the brass comes back in full force and the song resumes.
** Even funnier is that [[AscendedExtra the gingerbread woman turned out to be]] NotQuiteDead and [[https://scryfall.com/card/woe/252/syr-ginger-the-meal-ender got a card in Wilds of Eldraine]] - and ''[[BerserkButton she really hates planeswalkers]]''.
* Some of [[https://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/feature/ikoria-lair-behemoths-story-cards-2020-04-10 Vivien's notes while wandering around Ikoria]] are pretty funny.
-->'''Karuga, the Macrosage:''' I will forever treasure the wisdom it gave me: a "buaaaagh" that was everything I needed to hear.\\
'''Chevill, Bane of Monsters:''' Monster Hunter is a common occupation on Ikoria, and he claims to be the best of the lot. [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial Somehow a bar fight broke out, and somehow he ended up unconscious.]] [[DeadpanSnarker I'm sure a great hunter like him can track down what happened.]]\\
'''Obosh, the Preypiercer:''' When I encountered this hellion, [[SkewedPriorities my first instinct was to count how many legs it had. My second instinct was to count how many legs it had, but from a safer distance.]] The answer? 347.
* On a meta-level, Vorinclex' first appearance in the Kaldheim storyline has him act as [[Film/TheThing1982 the Thing]], killing, absorbing and mimicking a bear. [[TabletopGame/IcewindDaleRimeOfTheFrostMaiden Seems like someone at WOTC has been on an arctic horror kick lately]].
* In the first chapter of the Strixhaven story, Professor Onyx (Liliana) comes across a member of the secret Oriq assassin's guild, stating that she knows who they are. The oriq then dramatically states that, if she knows of the Oriq, then her time is up, before vanishing. You can almost hear Liliana roll her eyes at the overly dramatic threat directed at the multiverse's most powerful necromancer.
* The Innistrad: Midnight Hunt story ''Tangles'' gives us Teferi in all his DeadpanSnarker glory when he encounters [[OurNymphsAreDifferent Wrenn]] in a forest.
-->'''Wrenn:''' I'm looking for [[BondCreatures a tree]].\\
'''Teferi''' ''[pointing at the forest]'': Look no further.
* The [[https://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/feature/new-legends-innistrad-midnight-hunt-2021-09-16 article introducing the new legendary characters for Midnight Hunt]] has some funny stuff, despite the general dark tone of Innistrad.
** Really everything about Old Stickfingers. This is his introduction, in its entirety:
-->''Old Stickfingers\\
Terror-bringer\\
Knows when children disobey\\
\\
If you're slacking\\
He's attacking\\
Did you do your chores today?\\
\\
Old Stickfingers's\\
Presence lingers\\
Inside every hollow tree\\
\\
Don't sneak out\\
Or you'll shout\\
And no one will remember thee''\\

--->-- Children's rhyme
-->An interesting fact about Old Stickfingers is that he is right behind you.
** Also, Wilhelt, who is a zombie with a crush on Gisa.
---> Gisa believes that his name is Wilham and that he's kind of clingy.
* Throughout the ''Midnight Hunt'' story, Chandra generally has two purposes; Be TheBigGuy for the heroes, and try to impress the cathar Adeline whom she has a crush on.
* In ''Crimson Vow'', these lines.
-->"Announcing the ''extremely welcomed, very honored'', Sorin Markov!"\\
''[Sorin] thinks, not for the first time, of murder.''
* There's something ironically hilarious about the fact that the first faction [[ThePaladin Elspeth]] joins in ''New Capenna'' are the Maestros, who's colors are ''Black, Red, and Blue'', the same colors as Bolas and Grixis and more or less the exact ''opposite'' of Bant, the last tri-color faction she was associated with. She even manages to get along surprisingly well with leader, who keep in mind is a [[DarkIsNotEvil demonic vampire.]]
* Urabrask returns in ''[[https://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/side-freedom-2022-03-30 The Side of Freedom]]'' showing something that in hindsight makes sense for the most solitary, introverted Praetor; he's rather LiteralMinded.
-->'''Vivien:''' [Elspeth's] not ready to leave yet...\\
'''Urabrask:''' Can we not make her 'ready'?\\
'''Vivien:''' I doubt it.\\
[...]\\
'''Viven:''' This city is nearly at its breaking point. I suspect that when it does, Elspeth will know if she's found what she's looking for or not.\\
'''Urabrask:''' [[TheComicallySerious Then break it faster.]]\\
'''Vivien:''' (actively holds back a snort)
* Elspeth is surprised when Jodah offhandedly makes a comment about being there for something that happened centuries ago. Jodah is momentarily annoyed that no one bothered to tell her about him, before saying he's over 4 000 years old, but doesn't look a day over 2 500.
* In ''Phyrexia: All Will Be One'', Jace takes a single sip of Halo before collapsing. While the actual reason is not funny at all, given that Halo is a magical drug from New Capenna, one could joke that Jace simply CantHoldHisLiquor.
* While the early stories for ''March of the Machine'' are largely [[TrashTheSet apocalyptically bleak]], there is a bit of dark humor to be found during ''[[https://magic.wizards.com/en/news/magic-story/episode-1-triumph-of-the-fleshless Triumph of the Fleshless]]'' as Elesh Norn struggles to find a use for [[LeeroyJenkins Lukka]], who appears to have been Compleated largely by accident. What follows is Norn growing [[NotSoStoic exasperated]] as Lukka proposes a series of vague, poorly conceived invasion strategies. Eventually, she allows him to attempt his conquest of Ikoria, openly admitting to everyone after he leaves that she fully expects him to fail and die and couldn't care less.
** She's absolutely right too. [[spoiler: He gets killed by an Apex while boasting about how powerful he is.]]
** There's something vaguely funny about how, after sending out all her generals, Elesh Norn has a brief {{Beat}} when she realizes she has no one left to talk to, since Nissa is the only one left in the chamber and is busy commanding Realmbreaker. She immediately declares she hates the silence and summons a bunch of her own attendants to read [[{{Narcissist}} her own writings back to her]] to calm herself down.
* Elesh Norn's [[FreakOut Freak Out]] at seeing Elspeth's return. She literally tears a chunk off of Vorinclex to throw at her.
* Norn sends out legions to each plane to conquer them...except for Segovia which is so small that without the scale adjustment the plane could only fit one normal sized soldier who is massive compared to the leviathans and kraken that barely come up to their feet.
** Hilariously, it's also implied by the Invasion of Segovia card that said single soldier ''still ended up losing''. Via effectively being tripped by the greatest of Segovia's sea serpents wrapping itself around their leg.
* Throughout the entire story of Outlaws of Thunder Junction, we see Oko's crew in action, despite the sheer amounts of TeethClenchedTeamwork keeping them together:
** First, there's the fact that his team includes both Gisa ''and'' Geralf. Like the Phyrexian war showed, when on the same side, they are still at each other's throats.
** Then you have Satoru and Kaervek who make it very clear they despise each other after being captured prior to the story by the Sterling Company.
*** Speaking of Kaervek, one has to note that, after being sealed in amber for centuries in a plane that itself was also lost out of time, the first thing we've seen him do after his escape is... go to [[WeirdWest Thunder Junction]]. Just the idea of one of Magic's oldest (both in and out of universe) villains coming back from a LongBusTrip as a cowboy is hilarious.
** Tinybones has friends in both Oko, who finds him the most trustowrthy, and ''Rakdos'' of all people, who acts as Tinybone's translator.
-->''Tinybones took the opportunity to scramble for a guard's pocket watch, holding it up to the light in triumph. His satisfied giggle made all his bones rattle.''\\
'''Rakdos:''' [[NoIndoorVoice THE JESTER-THIEF TAKES RECOMPENSE FOR HIS HAT!]]
* The train heist in [[https://magic.wizards.com/en/news/magic-story/episode-3-a-train-to-prosperity A train to Prosperity]] and just everything that goes wrong. Mostly because Gisa keeps misinterpreting Breeches's loud voice as her cue to begin raising ghouls to attack the train, leading to more arguments between her and Geralf. Eventually, a misunderstanding leads to this:
-->'''Malcolm:''' Would the two of you be quiet, How is Breeches supposed to hear the signal over all of this noise?\\
'''Breeches:''' SIGNAL!\\
'''Geralf:''' No, Gisa—what are you doing? Stop!\\
''The faraway screams carried all the way to the luggage car.''\\
'''Oko:''' What's going on?\\
'''Geralf:''' She raised the zombies too early.
* [[https://magic.wizards.com/en/news/magic-story/episode-6-the-ballad-of-thieves-and-thunderslingers The Ballad of Thieves and Thunderslingers]] has Rakdos duking it out with Akul, the BigBad of the story and who has intimidated everyone up to this point, and ''openly laughing'' as he squares up to his opponent.
** Rakdos also gives us a CallBack to War of the Spark as most of Oko's crew look to him to help them escape Tarnation.
-->'''Rakdos:''' I HAVE SWORN ONCE NEVER TO BE RIDDEN AGAIN. LET IT BE KNOWN THIS IS THE LAST AND FINAL TIME!
** Afterwards, while everyone else bemoans not being paid for this job, Rakdos bellows with laughter with how fun it was.
** Finally, this last piece from the Lord of Riots himself.
-->''Tinybones rattled and scurried up Rakdos's face.''\\
'''Rakdos:''' THE SKELETON WILL ALSO RETURN FOR FURTHER AMUSEMENT!\\
''Rakdos takes off, Tinybones holding on to his horns.''\\
'''Rakdos:''' ONE LAST TIME, SKELETON! ONE LAST AND FINAL TIME!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:FlavorText]]
Cards are not popular just for their effects, [[GameBreaker brokenness]], or artwork. Many cards find their ways into players' hearts because the FlavorText accompanying the card ties everything together and is often hilarious.
* Jaya Ballard, Magic's [[EnsembleDarkhorse most beloved]] [[KillItWithFire pyromancer]], has quite a few legendary lines.
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=4063 The classic version (Ice Age-Tenth Edition) of Incinerate]]
-->''"Yes, I think 'toast' is an appropriate description." -- Jaya Ballard, task mage''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=45394 Inferno (Eighth Edition)]]
-->''"Some have said there is no subtlety to destruction. You know what? They're dead." --Jaya Ballard, task mage''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=45358 Sizzle (Eighth Edition)]]
-->''"Of course you should fight fire with fire. You should fight ''everything'' [[WhenAllYouHaveIsAHammer with fire]]." --Jaya Ballard, task mage''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=2634 Lava Burst (Ice Age)]]
-->''"Overkill? [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill This isn't a game of Kick-the-Ouphe.]]" --Jaya Ballard, Task Mage''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=2638 Meteor Shower (Ice Age)]]
-->''"Eenie, meenie, minie, moe ...oh, why not all of them?" --Jaya Ballard, Task Mage''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=3050 Mystic Compass]]
-->''"And ''I'' say north is where I ''want'' it to be!" —Jaya Ballard, Task Mage''
** In fact, Jaya's flavor text is so awesome that somebody went and founded a religious philosophy based off of it.
* Jaya's protege-of-sorts, Chandra Nalaar, inherits her sheer snark.
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=234075 Incinerate (Magic 2012)]]
-->''"{{Spontaneous combustion}} is a myth. If you burst into flame, someone wanted you to." --Chandra Nalaar''
** She strikes gold in Eldritch Moon, with cards like [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=414443 Spreading Flames]]...
-->'''Chandra''': ''(with numerous enemies burning in front of her)'' "Hang on. I'm just [[DeadlyEuphemism tidying up]]..."
** And [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=414432 Incendiary Flow]]:
-->''"What's your plan?" Gideon asked.''
-->''"[[WhenAllYouHaveIsAHammer Are you serious]]?" Chandra replied.''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=185820 Counterspell (Jace vs. Chandra)]]
-->''The pyromancer summoned up her mightiest onslaught of fire and rage. Jace feigned interest.''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=134749 Discombobulate (Onslaught/10th Edition)]]
-->''"I said 'pick his brain," not 'tear off his head.'"''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=233183 Stranglehold (Commander)]]
-->''The correct answer to a barbarian's riddle is to choke on your own cleverness and die.''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=89086 Hunted Dragon (Ravnica)]]
-->''The knights see [[WorthyOpponent a worthy quarry]]. The dragon sees [[GallowsHumor breakfast, lunch, and dinner]].''
* Any quote related to goblins is bound to be this. Just to name a few:
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?printed=true&multiverseid=4055 Goblin Digging Team]]
--->''"From down here we can make the whole wall collapse?"''\\
''"Uh, yeah, boss, but how do we get out?"''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=157923 Ib Halfheart, Goblin Tactician (Time Spiral/Elves vs. Goblins)]]
-->''"Everybody [[DirtyCoward but me]] -- CHARGE!"''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=205388 Goblin Offensive (Urza's Saga)]]
-->''They certainly are.''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=45467 Fodder Cannon (Urza's Destiny)]]
--->''Step 1: Find your cousin.''\\
''Step 2: Get your cousin in the cannon.''\\
''Step 3: Find another cousin.''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=208010 Goblin Balloon Brigade (Magic 2011)]]
--->''"The enemy is getting too close! [[ARareSentence Quick! Inflate the toad!]]"''
*** From an earlier edition:
--->''"From up here we can drop rocks and arrows and more rocks"''\\
''"Uh, yeah boss, but how do we get down?"''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=5680 Goblin Spy]]
--->"Isn't he on our side?"
--->"Yep."
--->"Why's he spyin' on us?"
--->"Don't ask."
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=44656 Goblin Assassin (Legions)]]
--->''The more victims he kills, the more likely he is to get the right one.''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=45123 Goblin Lookout (Legions)]]
--->''"Throw rocks at 'em! Throw spears at 'em! [[GrievousHarmWithABody Throw Furt at 'em!]]"''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=39483 Wave of Indifference (Onslaught)]]
--->''"Darius?"\\
"Yeah?"\\
"There's a goblin sneaking up on you."\\
"So?"\\
"Just sayin'."''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=42026 Synapse Sliver (Legions)]]
--->''"Species XR 17 feeds upon the mental energies of its victims. [[YourBrainWontBeMuchOfAMeal This explains why the goblins remain unaffected.]]"''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=393980 Raging Goblin]]
--->He raged at the world, at his family, at his life. But mostly he just raged.
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=129582 Goblin Sky Raider (Tenth Edition)]]
--->''"The goblin word for "flying" is more accurately translated as "falling slowly."''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=96960 Tin Street Hooligan (Guildpact)]]
--->''"Rauck-Chauv's like a holiday! Only [[{{Dissimile}} it isn't on the calendars, and instead of dancing you knock people flat, and instead of giving gifts you break stuff]]."''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=6494 Town Sentry (Portal: Second Age)]]
--->''"So he's got a sword. Big deal."''\\
''"Yeah it's a big deal--it's a big sword!"''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=159049 Goblin Sledder (Elves vs. Goblins)]]
--->''Let's play "sled". Here's how it works: You're the sled.''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=174939 Goblin Assault (Shards of Alara)]]
--->''A goblin raid is a delicate gambit—a blend of stealth, precision, and screaming death.''
** [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/arcana/february-through-april-fnm-promo-update-2015-01-22 Hordeling Outburst (FNM Promo)]]
---> ''Kolaghan goblins rush into battle to satisfy their desire for violence as well as their desire not to be eaten.''
** [[http://mythicspoiler.com/dtk/cards/dragonfodder.html Dragon Fodder (Dragons of Tarkir)]]
---> ''Atarka goblins meet their demise as readily as their Temur counterparts did, but usually under big, winged shadows.''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=222186 Tormented Pariah ("moon" side) (Innistrad)]]
-->''"Just look at him, groveling on all fours! What a pathetic--[[OhCrap uh-oh]]."''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=129663 Orcish Artillery (Tenth Edition)]]
-->''"So, they want to kill my men? Well, [[WeHaveReserves two can play at that game]]." --[[ColonelKilgore General Khurzog]]''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=9751 Handcuffs (Unglued)]]
-->''"[[UsefulNotes/{{BDSM}} That]] [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything was fun! Now me.]]"''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=45396 Obliterate (Eighth Edition)]]
-->''"The enemy has been destroyed, sir. [[TheresNoKillLikeOverkill So have the forest, the city, your palace]], [[AndYourLittleDogToo your dog]]..." --Keldon soldier''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=97207 Killer Instinct (Guildpact)]]
--> ''[[AttackAttackRetreatRetreat "Take the bridge, men! Victory! Victory is ou—Retreat! RETREAT!"]]''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=208000 Canyon Minotaur (2011 Core)]]
--> ''"We'll scale these cliffs, traverse Brittle Bridge, and then fight our way down the volcanic slopes on the other side."''\\
''"Isn't the shortest route through the canyon?"''\\
''"Yes."''\\
''"So shouldn't we—"''\\
''"[[ShortCutsMakeLongDelays No]]."''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=4747 Aluren (Tempest)]]
-->''Squee bounced up and down. "I sees a horsey, an' a piggy, an' a—"''\\
''"If you don't shut up," hissed Mirri, "you'll see a kidney and a spleeny."''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=221171 Deranged Assistant (Innistrad)]]
--> ''"Garl, adjust the slurry dispensers. Garl, fetch more corpses. Garl, quit crying and give me your brain tissue. If he doesn't stop being so rude, I'm quitting."''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Discussion.aspx?multiverseid=9706 Wheel of Torture (Urza's Legacy)]]
-->''[[Series/WheelOfFortune "I'd like to buy a]] [[IncrediblyLamePun bowel."]]''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=29980 Gorilla Titan]]'s flavor text was on both the [[http://www.wizards.com/Magic/Magazine/Article.aspx?x=mtgcom/daily/mr13 "most liked Odyssey flavor text" and "most hated Odyssey flavor text" lists]].
-->''"I want a banana'' this ''big!"''
** It was reprinted, with SesquipedalianLoquaciousness, on [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=73976 Uktabi Kong]] (which in all other aspects is a parody of [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=14690 Uktabi Orangutan]]):
-->''"I desire the acquisition of a potassium-rich fruit comestible of ''substantial'' magnitude."''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=83471 Blackmail (9th Edition)]]
-->''In addition to killing peasants, punishing subordinates, and raising an army of nightmares, Braids somehow found time for her favorite hobby: [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking petty extortion]].''
* From Knights vs. Dragons, [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=243435 Alaborn Cavalier]] and his {{BFG}}:
-->''"Course he ran! ''I'' wouldn't want to stare down that barrel, either!" --Alaborn Soldier''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=15221 Taunting Elf (Urza's Destiny)]]
-->''Much to Multani's chagrin, [[{{Troll}} Rofellos]] [[TrashTalk gleefully tutored Yavimaya's elves on the rudest and most vulgar words spoken in Llanowar]].''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=180616 Dragon Appeasement (Alara Reborn)]]
-->''"Look there—they carry that one upon a sedan chair. It must be their leader. Wait... Oh! Perhaps not."''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=2576 Lhurgoyf (Ice Age)]]
-->''"Ach! Hans, run! It's [[ShapedLikeItself the Lhurgoyf]]!" --Saffi Eriksdotter, last words''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=5211 Revenant]]
---> ''"Not again!" --Hans''
** Poor Hans found his way into the joke set ''Unhinged'', with [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=73935 Ach! Hans, Run!]]
** And then they gave Saffi [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=509625 her own card]]:
--->''In the blink of an eye, she strode from deep snow to dusty waste. From the crease of light behind her, a voice rang hollow: "Saffi, wait for me..."''
*** ''And then'' Hans got [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=497799 his own card!]] To be clear, that's Saffi in the background, [[FreakOut panicking]] at the Lhurgoyf bearing down on both of them, while Hans ''literally'' stops and smells the flowers. Making it better: judging by their last names, they're ''siblings.''
---->''"Nothing could ruin such a fine day, Saffi."''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=26661 Plated Spider (Beatdown)]]
-->''"Most spiders wait patiently for prey to arrive. Most spiders aren't forty feet tall."''
* The Rise of the Eldrazi card [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=194926 Daggerback Basilisk]] has Samila from Murasa Expeditionary House listing its [[EverythingTryingToKillYou talents]]:
-->''Petrifying gaze, deadly fangs, knifelike dorsal spines, venomous saliva...Am I missing anything?...Toxic bones? Seriously?''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=382313 Mortify]] is straight to the point.
-->''Many who cross Sorin's path come down with a sudden and fatal case of [[BuffySpeak being-in-the-way-of-a-millennia-old-vampire]].''
* The ''Judgment'' card [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=36117 Cabal Trainee]], from [[OhCrap the look on the trainee's face]] to the instructor, but the flavor text is what seals it:
-->''"Ah, a faceshredder. Very rare. Nearly unstoppable. Good luck!"''
* The flavour text for [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=222904 Pitchburn Devils]]:
-->''The ingenuity of goblins, the depravity of demons, and the smarts of sheep.''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=270972 Azorius Arrester]]:
-->''"You have the right to remain silent. Mostly because I tire of your excuses."''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=366288 Righteous Charge]]:
--> [[HypocriticalHumor "In the name of peace, moderation, and decency—wipe them all out!"]]
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=4437 Null Rod]]:
-->''Gerard: "But it doesn't'' do ''anything!"''
-->''Hannah: "No--it'' does ''nothing!"''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=39868 Break Open]]:
-->There are two ways to resolve puzzling situations: Thoughtful contemplation or force. [[MortonsFork After thoughtful contemplation]], [[BloodKnight most barbarians]] [[WhenAllYouHaveIsAHammer choose force.]]
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Discussion.aspx?multiverseid=83446 Sea's Claim]]:
-->''"[[TheyCalledMeMad Who's the crazy one]]'' [[TheyCalledMeMad now!?]]''"'' -- '''Torgle, mountaintop boatmaker'''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=222112 Village Ironsmith (Innistrad)]]:
--> ''[[OurWerewolvesAreDifferent Each night, he abandons the trappings of civilization.]]''
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=222112 Ironfang (Innistrad)]]:
--> ''[[BarrierBustingBlow Each morning, he repairs the front door.]]''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=5571 Yavimaya Wurm (Urza's Legacy)]]:
-->''"[[TooDumbToLive When the gorilla playfully grabbed the wurm's tail]], the wurm doubled back and [[LosingYourHead playfully ate the gorilla's head.]]"''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=378530 Gorgon's Head (Born of the Gods)]]:
-->''"You slew the gorgon? [[TooDumbToLive Show me.]]" — King Igalus, last words''
* Many of the Archenemy scheme cards. But especially [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=212585 Behold the Power of Destruction]]:
-->''"I'd call that a successful first test. Golem! Rearm the Doom Citadel!"''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=366238 Skullcrack]]:
--> ''"The lawmage's argument was clever and well reasoned, but [[TalkToTheFist Blunk's response]] proved irrefutable."''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=City+Of+Ass City of Ass.]] [[StealthPun It even comes into play tapped!]]
--> ''"But..."''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=380485 Riptide Chimera (Journey into Nyx)]], with its shark head and piranha head and its ability to fly:
-->''"[[ImTakingHerHomeWithMe I want one]]." —Kiora''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=383308 Meteorite (2015 Core)]], which depicts a meteorite that fell on top of someone:
-->''"And if I'm lying," he began...''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=383232 Ensoul Artifact (Magic 2015)]], which depicts a [[ARareSentence giant pair of ensouled scissors rampaging across a marketplace:]]
-->''Too often, some [[MadScientist self-described genius]] comes up with a "labor-saving device" that ends up [[{{Understatement}} creating far more work]].''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=19115 Carnival of Souls]]
-->''"‘Davvol, blast those elves.’ ‘Davvol, transport those troops.’ No one cares that today is my birthday."''
** Doubly hilarious when we add in [[IncrediblyLamePun Soul]] [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?printed=true&multiverseid=15767 Feast]]
-->''As no one has ever accepted a second invitation to Davvol's table, the evincar often dines alone.''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=74295 Goblin Secret Agent]]:
-->''LICENSE TO BE KILLED''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=366347 Basilica Guards]] features two guards asking for a bribe. [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=369029 Clear a Path]] shows [[TalkToTheFist a way to deal with this]]:
-->''"Why do guards always look surprised when we bash them?" asked Ruric. "I think they expect a bribe," said Thar.''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=370461 Squee, Goblin Nabob]]
-->''"Some goblins are expendable. Some are impossible to get rid of. But he's both—at the same time!" —Starke''
** In its original release, back in ''Mercadian Masques'':
--->''"General?" Tahngarth roared. "General'' nuisance, ''maybe."''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=386592 Mardu Blazebringer (Khans of Tarkir)]]
-->''"Make sure he's pointed in the right direction before you light him. And don't let the goblins anywhere near the torch." —Kerai Suddenblade''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=265380 Inspiration (Return to Ravnica)]]:
-->''"Day 31: I finally succeeded in [[OurTimeTravelIsDifferent my time reversal experiment!]]''\\
''"Day 30: [[DidntThinkThisThrough I might have a problem here.]]"''\\
''—Journal of the Prime Izmagnus''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=190545 Zombie Goliath (Magic 2010)]]
-->''"Phirax of Blood Ridge has sent a war giant at us? What, do I have to spell it out for you? Kill the giant, scoop out its skull, and drive it back to Blood Ridge. Honestly, what kind of necromancer minions are you?"''\\
''—Keren-Dur, necromancer lord''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=3507 Pacifism]] and the Mirage version is a classic:
--> For the first time in his life, [[NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast Grakk]] felt a little warm and fuzzy inside.
** And [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=394645 the version]] from Dragons of Tarkir became a fan favorite pretty quickly too:
--> If I fight, I might step on a butterfly. [[AndThatsTerrible That would be sad.]]
** The [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=479545 Ikoria]] version isn't bad, either.
-->"If only they'd all act this docile. I could do something relaxing for a living. I've always wanted to bake biscuits."
--> —Ethuk, Coppercoat mage
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=253643 Gobbling Ooze]], which exemplifies the Simic Combine's [[GeneticEngineeringIsTheNewNuke brand of problem solving]] [[GoneHorriblyRight perfectly]].
--> The furious citizens blamed the Simic for releasing it in their district. The Simic pointed out that ''rats'' were no longer a problem.
** Nevertheless, they sometimes do create more problems by making things that solve earlier problems, like this [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=369015 Species Gorger]]:
--> "[[ComplexityAddiction We raised eelhawks to control the squidflies, then waspcrabs to prey on the eelhawks. Now what do we do with all these waspcrabs?]]"
--> —Gulistan, Simic biomancer
* The flavor text for [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=366477 Knight Watch]], coupled with its art:
--> "We lost respect after the battle for Barbu Rooftop. [[PoliceBrutality Send the troops]] to [[DeadlyEuphemism mingle respectfully]] with the citizens."
--> —Commander Yaszen of Boros
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=373518 Voyaging Satyr]]
--> "None can own the land's bounty. The gods made this world for all to share its riches. [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial And I'm not just saying that]] [[DiggingYourselfDeeper because you caught me stealing your fruit.]]"
* The cycle of Oaths in ''Oath of the Gatewatch''. [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=407540 Gideon]], [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=407650 Nissa]], and [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=407570 Jace]] all swear to uphold their watch over the plane of Zendikar, and it's clear they're putting their all into their promises. And then there's [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=407623 Chandra...]]
-->'''Chandra''': ''(implied sigh of exasperation)'' If it means that people can live in freedom, yeah, I'll keep watch.
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=414395 Liliana's]] from Eldritch Moon takes the cake, especially since her body language gives off even ''more'' of an "Ugh...''fine''..." attitude than Chandra:
-->'''Liliana''': ''I'll keep watch. Happy now?''[[note]]She gives a somewhat more substantial oath in the story proper, though: "I see now, that together, we are more powerful than we are alone. If that means I can do what needs to be done without relying on the Chain Veil, I'll keep watch. Happy now?"[[/note]]
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=394030 Foul Imp]]
-->''The imp, [[TooDumbToLive unaware of its own odor, paused to catch its breath...and promptly died]].''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=405336 Pathbreaker Ibex]] is a beast that is ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin.
--> "My skills are wasted here." — Juruk, Kalonian tracker
* [[http://magiccards.info/ktk/en/71.html Dutiful Return (Khans of Tarkir)]] shows that Taigam has a... different definition of "duty"...
-->'''Taigam''': We have a word for enemies too mutilated for military service: furniture.
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=430784 Granitic Titan (Hour of Devastation)]], which is an elemental. Bear in mind that the following line is spoken by Nissa, whose powers include channeling a plane's magic/leyline into combat-ready elementals.
--> ''"That one's not mine. Run!"'' — Nissa Revane
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=193445 Guard Duty]] shows a man being given combat equipment which are clearly several sizes too small.
--> ''"I was told these were standard issue. Do I look standard to you?"''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=439434 Spell Suck]] does just that.
--> ''S-U-C-K''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=435334 Carnage Tyrant]]
--> ''Sun Empire commanders are well versed in advanced martial strategy. Still, the correct maneuver is usually to deploy the giant, implacable [[SophisticatedAsHell death lizard]].''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=452760 Divine Visitation]]
--> ''The angels appreciated the offer, but politely declined to eat any birdseed.''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=452989 Rampaging Monument]]
--> ''"Be advised: suspect is nine stories tall, marble hair, answers to Saint Gusztav."''
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=452857 Inescapable Blaze]]
--> ''"The Izzet are blamed for every little disaster, which is unfair because [[NotHelpingYourCase we only cause most of them]]."'' — Mizzix of the Izmagus.
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=466944 Rabid Bite]]
--> "You should have seen the look on ''both'' their faces." —Morkamp, Lambholt innkeeper
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=457151 Concordia Pegasus (Ravnica Allegiance)]]
--> ''"What makes a frog lizard any worse than a bird horse? [[EverythingIsRacist Prejudice against the Simic]], that's what. It's unfair!"'' — Thados Arquef, Guardian Project biomancer
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=457211 Catacomb Crocodile]]
--> ''"I am sewer-king!" said Rat. "I am quick and cunning and I know every tunnel."\\
"No, I am king!" said Zombie. "I am cold and deadly and no rot can harm me."\\
Then Croc came and [[TalkToTheFist ate them both]].''
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=461022 Lazotep Behemoth]]
--> ''"I know I should be more concerned. But a big, blue zombie-potamus from beyond the stars? This is what they’re invading us with?"'' — Mileva, Boros legionnaire
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=461167 Iron Bully]]
--> ''"Why would someone have built ... [[TooDesperateToBePicky wait, never mind. Send it to the front lines]]!"'' — Commander Grozdan
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=461031 Sorin's Thirst (War of the Spark)]]
--> ''"[[CasualDangerDialogue I see you're out of the wall.]]"'' - Nahiri
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=461033 Spark Reaper]]
--> ''"I know they're unstoppable fighters created to harvest souls—it's just they're so rude about it."'' — Kaya
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=461045 Chainwhip Cyclops]]
--> ''"You say this Tenth District, not Rubblebelt. [[BuffySpeak But where smash happen, that Rubblebelt. Rubblebelt state of mind.]]"'' - Urgdar, cyclops philosopher.
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=461051 Devouring Hellion]]
--> ''"There's no crisis that a hellion can't make worse."''
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=461014 Dreadmalkin]] shows that even when zombified, cats will be cats.
--> ''The feline Eternal felt Liliana's command, looked at her disdainfully, flicked its paw, and scampered away across the rooftops.''
* The concise BlackComedy on [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=447246 Murder]]:
--> ''It's not work if you enjoy it.''
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Primordial%20Wurm Primordial Wurm (War of the Spark)]]:
--> ''Elite training, single-minded devotion, and lazotep coating help only so much for invaders who are fundamentally bite-sized.''
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=461141 Role Reversal]]
--> ''Uthlon the Wise scandalized sphinx society, hooting the answers to riddles as he rampaged through Tin Street. [[OurGoblinsAreDifferent Grangle]], on the other hand, sat for hours, deep in thought, largely ignored by other goblins.''
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Handlers/Image.ashx?multiverseid=473140&type=card Tall as a Beanstalk]]:
--> ''He realized a bit late that he was supposed to ''plant'' the magic beans.''
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=466899 Infuriate (M20)]]. What made this minotaur angry enough to flip a cart so dramatically?
--> ''"No shirt, no shoes, no service." - Marketplace sign.''
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=479589 Thieving Otter]]:
--> ''"You're telling me we spent a year securing the sanctuary against pterosaurs, rambeasts and nightfangs… and we were robbed by what?" - Endris, Drannith magistrate''
* Hagra (Mauling / Broodpit) uses the fact it's a two-sided flip card to great effect:
--> '''[[https://media.wizards.com/2020/znr/en_l47amxg3Dk.png Mauling]]:''' ''"Din, turn around! Now!" — Doros, expedition guide''
--> '''[[https://media.wizards.com/2020/znr/en_MKkIxslAQV.png Broodpit]]:''' ''[[LeaningOnTheFourthWall "I think we somehow got turned around."]] — Doros, expedition guide''
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=485353 Rambunctious Mutt]].
-->''Emphatic words with powerful gestures. Clearly this was playtime.''
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=485476 Igneous Cur]]
-->''Some dogs just aren't meant to be indoor pets.''
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=466789 Rule of Law (Core Set 2020)]] sounds like someone finally gets tired of peaceful solutions.
-->''The law is meant to ensure that people kill each other with only the utmost fairness.''
* ''Tempest'' gives us [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/card/details.aspx?name=Mogg%20Fanatic Mogg Fanatic]], whose art shows a goblin holding onto something as it falls out of an airship:
-->''"I got it! I got it! [[KilledMidSentence I-]]"''
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=527363 Split The Party]] gives players advice that anyone familiar with ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons'' should know.
-->''"[[NeverSplitTheParty Don't.]]"''
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=40193 Goblin Piledriver]]
-->''"Throw enough goblins at any problem and it should go away. At the very least, there'll be fewer goblins."''
* Whoever wrote the flavor text for [[https://scryfall.com/card/mid/99/eaten-alive Eaten Alive]] is obviously sick of [[IdiotBall stupid horror movie protagonists]]:
--> ''"If you hear a groaning noise in the cellar, don’t investigate. Don’t split up. Just lock the door and barricade it."''
* [[https://scryfall.com/card/mom/256/yargle-and-multani Yargle and Multani]] got a lot of fans not only [[RuleOfCool because of it being an 18/6 creature for six mana, but also its flavor text]]:
-->''“I’ve heard much about you from my daughter,” Multani rumbled. “There was a time when I’d balk at your aid, phantom, but she has shown me the merit in Urborg’s strange ways.”''
-->''“Gnshhagghkkapphribbit,” replied Yargle.''
* The reprint of Talisman of Conviction for ''Universes Beyond: Series/DoctorWho'', themed around [[Creator/MattSmith the Eleventh Doctor]]. Which conviction of the Doctor's does this represent? [[HeroicVow "Never cruel or cowardly"?]] [[TheFettered "Good men don't need rules - today is not the day to find out why I have so many"?]] Maybe even [[FinalSpeech "I will not forget one line of this - not one day, I swear?"]] Uh...not so much:
-->'''[[Characters/DoctorWhoEleventhDoctor The Eleventh Doctor]]:''' [[IconicItem Bowties are cool.]]
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=629584 Candy Grapple]]
-->''"Don't you mean [[Main/InsistentTerminology ‘poisonous']]? There's no such thing as a venomous—[[Main/KilledMidSentence AGGHHH!]]"''
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=541074 Massive Might]], which features a giant snail loose in a city.
-->''"Run! It's coming for us! Eventually!"''
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=646778 Private Eye]], featuring a homunculus investigating a vase with a magnifying glass:
-->''[[CaptainObvious "Yep. It's a vase, all right."]]''
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=275707 Aggravate]]
--> ''"Barbarians! They burned [[CompanionCube my favorite chair]]! [[DisproportionateRetribution We'll kill them all]]!" —Anje Falkenrath''
* [[https://scryfall.com/card/otj/106/shoot-the-sheriff Shoot the Sheriff]]
--> "''[[Music/BobMarley Now, where is that deputy?"]] --Jana, Hellspur thunderslinger''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Card Art]]
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=386652 Savage Punch]], quite possibly the most RatedMForManly ''Magic'' card ever.
** Maro's story of where that card came from:
-->'''Maro:''' I remember the first time I saw the art for Savage Punch. I didn't even realize that it was Surrak Dragonclaw, the khan of the Temur, doing the punching. It didn't even matter. During the slideshow when it was shown, it got a similar response from the audience. We included it in the San Diego Comic-Con panel because we expected the same would hold true for the players. And it did. I saw more talk about bear punching than any other single attribute we showed off at the panel.
-->'''Maro:''' So how exactly did this art come to be? Was the card called Bear Punch in design? I wish my team could take responsibility, but this all happened during the card conception done by Doug Beyer. It's possible someone else came up with the "Surrak single-handedly beating a bear with his fists" concept and Doug found a place to fit it in. Nonetheless, this is a magical moment that I'm very happy got forever captured on a Khans of Tarkir card.
** And then it gets turned up to eleven in ''Dragons of Tarkir'', the AlternateTimeline to ''Khans of Tarkir'', with [[http://i.imgur.com/VcX4GLE.jpg Epic Confrontation]]. Yes, that is still Surrak. Yes, he is punching a dragon so hard the dragon's fangs fly off.
*** Maro's story of where ''that'' card came from.
-->'''Maro:''' Once you've punched a bear there's no going back. We knew that, in the alternative timeline, we had to find a cool twist on the bear punch. Interestingly, there was debate on just what that twist was supposed to be. There were three options:\\
1. A Dragon Punches a Bear\\
In the Khans of Tarkir timeline, Surrak punched a bear. Well, how do we communicate that the dragons have taken over and are now the leaders of the clans? Well, what if we had them do things we saw the khans do?\\
2. A Bear Punches Surrak\\
It's possible that the timeline turns events on their ear. Maybe this time, instead of Surrak punching the bear, the bear punches Surrak.\\
3. Surrak Punches a Dragon\\
Surrak doesn't put up with stuff in either timeline. Are the dragons in charge? Well, then have Surrak punch a dragon.\\
'''Maro:''' Each of the above choices is satisfying in its own way. The problem with the second choice is there's no dragon. It's Dragons of Tarkir, "the Dragon set", filled with Dragonlords. There really had to be a dragon. The first choice left out Surrak and, really, if anyone gets to punch things, I think Surrak is the man to do it. That left us with our third choice and dragon punching it was.
** The RuleOfThree demanded that more punches be printed, though -- Surrak punched a bear; Surrak punched a dragon; so what about a bear punching a dragon? -- and so the silver-bordered ''Unstable'' set followed through: [[https://media.wizards.com/2017/ust/en_9wX4t6Gqvw.png Really Epic Punch]]. And not only that, but the puncher appears to be a ''half-bear, half-dragon''.
** The bear punch was exceeded in ''Throne of Eldraine'' by [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Handlers/Image.ashx?multiverseid=473132&type=card Outmuscle]], wherein the guy is outright ''[[WrestlerInAllOfUs suplexing]] a bear''. [[Franchise/StreetFighter Zangief]] would be proud.
** The final punchline to the joke is [[https://scryfall.com/card/mom/337/surrak-and-goreclaw?utm_source=mw_MTGWiki Surrak and Goreclaw]] from March of the Machine, where Surrak and the bear he punched '''''team up'''''.
* [[http://40.media.tumblr.com/5e5ac34fa4c1a52e2b7db5fddffde446/tumblr_inline_npmxk7jTpL1r0pk4w_400.png Enthralling Victor]], who does something common on red cards where he temporarily takes control of an opponent's creatures. However, because of the art, it is implied that he does so because he is ''[[EvenTheGuysWantHim so incredibly sexy that everyone wants to be on his side.]]'' There is a small goblin off to one side who very clearly likes whatever he or she sees!
** And apparently at least one fan keeps thinking that [[http://40.media.tumblr.com/5e5ac34fa4c1a52e2b7db5fddffde446/tumblr_inline_npmxk7jTpL1r0pk4w_400.png Enthralling Victor]] [[HisNameReallyIsBarkeep is a guy named Victor who happens to be enthralling]].
*** [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/latest-developments/m-files-magic-origins-part-2-2015-07-31 Not just the fans.]]
** [[WordofGod Explicitly]] going for the same feel, [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=435291 Captivating Crew]] has a charming pirate enticing the viewer, and [[FunnyBackgroundEvent behind him sits a lovestruck ogre]] [[HoYay hoping he'll get the next dance]].
* Then there was the artist who mistook [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lemures Lemure]] for [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lemur Lemur]] and came up with [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Discussion.aspx?multiverseid=159837 this.]] Two things. Flavor text decided to roll with it, and they snark about it with a different [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Viscid%20Lemures card.]]
-->'''Viscid Lemures flavor text:''' "Lemurs? Is that all? Finally, something harmless..." — Norin the Wary
** Players were similarly amused...
--->''"The funnier thing to me isn't that [[AchievementsInIgnorance he didn't know what a 'lemure' is, but that he nailed it on 'hyalopterous']]."''\\
''"[[{{Squee}} D'aaawwwww]], [[KillerRabbit look at the cute little OH MY FUCKING GOD IT'S EATING ME OH GOD WHY]]"''
** And then Hyalopterous Lemure got a reprint in Dominaria Remastered, done by an artist that apparently understood the term "lemure" so the artwork isn't as funny... but the flavor text makes up for it.
---> [[BrickJoke “I was wrong! Not harmless at all!” — Norin the Wary]]
* In ''Duel Decks: Nissa vs. Ob Nixilis'', among the reprinted cards is [[http://media.wizards.com/2016/images/daily/LSpvlirClo.png Crop Rotation]]. Not a particularly funny card -- though tutoring for ''any'' land at the cost of one of your own is very helpful -- but since it's depicting the battle on [[DeathWorld Zendikar]], it's given new card art to give a better feel of the atmosphere. It depicts a few elves tending to an orchard...on a chunk of land that is floating upside down above the main land mass in the art.
-->'''FlavorText''': Zendikar's elves have developed innovative methods to mitigate the effects of the Roil.\\
'''[[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/feature/duel-decks-nissa-vs-ob-nixilis-2016-08-01 Katie Allison]]''': [The new art] makes me imagine a grizzled old farmer-mage sighing and telling his apprentice, "Bartholomew, how many times to I have to tell you that 'crop rotation' means something different out here?"
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=398471 Compare]] and [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=414307 contrast.]] Gideon can be picky about who he works with. Even funnier in [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=414310 Deploy The Gatewatch]], where Gideon looks all serious and/or annoyed at having to work with a necromancer, in sheer contrast to Liliana, who looks like she's enjoying an afternoon stroll.
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=417648 Diabolic Tutor]] was reprinted in ''Kaladesh'' for the sole purpose of its artwork -- a wickedly smiling Liliana encouraging Chandra to "[[KillItWithFire show them how hot [her] fire burn[s]]]", with Chandra ready to burst out in hysterics at any moment.
* Mechanically, there's nothing funny about [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=oath%20of%20ajani Oath of Ajani]], who not only discounts the casting cost of Planeswalkers, but buffs all your creatures when you cast it. Artistically, however... Ajani looks like he was going for a high-five and someone left him hanging.
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=409823 Press For Answers]] shows an Inquisitor interrogating her victim... a ''skaab'' (stitched zombie) that is frowning at its predicament.
* A cycle of curses[[note]]Aura Enchantments that attach to another player[[/note]] in Commander 2017 all have the same mechanic -- the curser and the opponent attacking the cursed player benefit from their misfortune -- and the same artistic theme, revolving around one ''[[BornUnlucky very]]'' [[BornUnlucky unlucky]] fellow[[note]][[AuthorAvatar based off the card artist, even]][[/note]] front and center while he's putting his hands up trying to talk down a TorchesAndPitchforks mob[[labelnote:White]]gain 2 life[[/labelnote]], sitting at a table with a drink in hand obliviously blathering while everyone in the shot is taking note of his every careless word[[labelnote:Blue]]draw a card[[/labelnote]], running from the outstretched claws of zombies[[labelnote:Black]]create a 2/2 zombie creature token[[/labelnote]], watching with shock as gold ''bursts from his pockets'' to random people on the street[[labelnote:Red]]creating "gold" tokens that can be sacrificed for one mana of any color[[/labelnote]], and nervously looking around while a bunch of wolves attracted by his fresh-cooked meal bear down on him[[labelnote:Green]]untap all nonland permanents you control[[/labelnote]]. Fans immediately latched onto this guy, saying that he has clearly led an [[OffscreenMomentOfAwesome interesting]] life, comparing him to Advertising/TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld.
-->'''Facebook comment''': I don't always play ''Magic'', but when I do, I prefer EDH. Stay salty, my friends.
** Wizards themselves have dubbed this character "[[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/feature/cursed-commander-2017-edition-art-descriptions-2017-08-22 The Multiverse's Unluckiest Planeswalker]]."
** And then for the Commander bonus cards in Innistrad: Midnight Hunt set boosters, they introduced [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=539147 Lynde, Cheerful Tormentor]], a curse-focused legendary creature obviously intended to enable a specific commander deck. Who has a VoodooDoll based on the Unluckiest Planeswalker.
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=439449 Masterful Ninja]] from the ''Unstable'' set. A member of the comically inept Agents of S.N.E.A.K., which has a secret base with a big neon sign pointing at it labeled "Secret Base". They're not very good as spies, in other words. Except for this one particular ninja.
* The abilities of [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=464032 Cordial Vampire]] make it grow stronger with each other creature that dies. [[MoodWhiplash The art for it]] shows a bare-chested, blood-splattered vampire aristocrat throwing open the doors to his abode and welcoming the viewer in with a big smile on his face. Hors d'oeuvres[[note]]some poor schmuck human who got fed on by said vampire[[/note]] are on the table!
* The vampire depicted in [[https://scryfall.com/card/soi/168/insolent-neonate Insolent Neonate]] is taking very well to his new status as a vampire. By sitting on the table during a rather important looking meeting, shirt undone, and ruefully declaring, "Manners are for mortals."
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=503731 Arni Brokenbrow]] depicts him sitting smugly on his throne with [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight a troll horn lodged in his forehead]]. Made even funnier when paired with his flavor text:
-->''[[BadassBoast "I headbutted a troll. And won."]]''
* [[https://scryfall.com/card/vow/131/sorin-the-mirthless Sorin the Mirthless]] looks even more of the brooding teenager than he did before.
* Jin-Gitaxias seems to enjoy his stay on Kamigawa to the point of [[https://scryfall.com/card/neo/59/jin-gitaxias-progress-tyrant wearing traditional clothes]], which is confirmed in the manga. Not only it gives us an unexpected foray into the Praetor's fashion style, it also makes one wonder if [[VillainsOutShopping Gitaxias spent his free time]] playing ''{{TabletopGame/Go}}'' with Tezzeret or replicating tea ceremonies.
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=548435 Ambitious Assault]]. Look at the card. Then read the flavor text. Then look back at the art. [[spoiler:Did you notice the frogs?]]
* [[https://scryfall.com/card/neo/96/enormous-energy-blade Enormous Energy Blade]] is ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin, a jab at the over-the-top giant swords that shonen anime protagonists often use. It even taps the user upon being equipped, presumably because they're struggling to pick the thing up.
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=497799 "Nothing could ruin such a fine day, Saffi!"]] Yes, that's Hans. Of [[Memes/MagicTheGathering "Ach! Hans, run!"]] fame. And yes, that's Saffi trying to warn him the Lhurgoyf about to end both of them. While he's stopping to smell the flowers.
* [[https://scryfall.com/card/one/71/tekuthal-inquiry-dominus Tekuthal]] is a fearsome Phyrexian horror that embodies the twisted designs of the Progress Engine... and seemingly makes puppet plays of Vorinclex and Urabrask. You just know that Jin-Gitaxias is watching his least favorite brothers being made fun of.
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Reckless%20Detective Reckless Detective]] has a hilariously endearing picture of a devil in a detective's cap holding a large acorn aloft and preparing to spike it into the ground.
-->''He's gonna crack this thing wide open.''
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Mechanics and Other In-Game]]
* There was a running theme for a while of having Goblins in various "professions" which all involved breaking what that profession usually builds. So [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=12643 Goblin Medics]] damage creatures, [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=25674 Goblin Gardener]] destroys lands, [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=15202 Goblin Masons]] destroy walls, and so on.
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=265418 Azor's Elocutors]] can cause its controller to win the game by stagnating the game as they yap and yap and yap for five turns straight. So how do you stop them? Why, [[TalkToTheFist smash them on the face]], of course!
* The ''Unstable'' joke set has Hosts and Augments, which embody MixAndMatchCritters for some crazy combinations. The names, creature types, and art even meld together to reflect the combination. The more ridiculous ones include "Half-Kitten, Half-Kitten" ([[ShapedLikeItself a whole, but stronger, kitten, basically]]), "Multi-Headed Jellyfish" (which is effectively a bunch of snakes bound together) and "Steam-Powered Engine" (a slightly more bizarre steam engine).
* The fact that there's a card that actually gives [[https://scryfall.com/card/m21/180/feline-sovereign Protection from Dogs]]. And of course, it's a [[AnimalJingoism cat.]]
* Due to the way [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=1527 Floral Spuzzem]] was originally worded, players were led to believe the card itself had to make a choice of which artifact it would destroy. Modern errata has 'fixed' away the wording, but the community still loves to crack jokes about the Spuzzem's ''sapience''.
* ''Strixhaven: School of Mages'' apparently had a decision made that the designers could be sillier with their card names... as a result, the card file is full of PunnyNames, bordering on a HurricaneOfPuns.
** Quandrix in particular lends itself to a whole bunch of math jokes. [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513607 Exponential Growth]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513513 Arcane Subtraction]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513518 Divide by Zero]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513529 Serpentine Curve]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513606 Emergent Sequence]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513682 Golden Ratio]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513531 Solve the Equation]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513730 Square Up]]...
** The other colleges have some as well. [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513626 Blex, Vexing Pest]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513566 Umbral Juke]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513567 Unwilling Ingredient]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513600 Bookwurm]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513582 Hall Monitor]], and [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513478 Expanded Anatomy]] are all good, but the best ones have to be the Prismari cards [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513649 Flamethrower Sonata]] and [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513695 Magma Opus]]. '''MAGMA OPUS'''.
** There are also a bunch of cards with school references for names. [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513504 Semester's End]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513511 Study Break]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513662 Cram Session]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513671 Double Major]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513495 Expel]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513548 Flunk]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513525 Multiple Choice]], [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513526 Pop Quiz]], and so on. And as a bonus, they all have an effect appropriate to the name.
** At one point in design, the campus lands had the subtype Dorm.
* A black instant from ''Kamigawa: Neon Dynasty'' is named "[[https://scryfall.com/card/neo/129/you-are-already-dead You Are Already Dead]]". The best part is that its Japanese name ''actually'' is "[[Memes/FistOfTheNorthStar お前はもう死んでいる]]"[[note]]Omae wa mou shindeiru[[/note]]!
* The original printing of [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=262838 Thought Scour]] from Dark Ascension has one of the most infamously NightmareFuel card arts in all of Magic, depicting a man hooked up to some kind of terrifying torture device. However, when it was reprinted in Double Masters, the card received a new piece of art. That art [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=573013 goes in completely the opposite direction,]] instead being one of the ''cutest'' pieces of art in the entire game. It depicts pixies literally mopping a wizard's forehead while she sleeps, with the unnecessary thoughts rising up as soap bubbles.
* The ''Unfinity'' joke set, like most joke sets, includes not only unusual mechanics ([[https://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=9742 Knight of the Hokey-Pokey]]) and things that don't necessarily work inside the rules ([[https://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=439486 Super-Duper Death Ray]] -- note that it's just the wording which isn't rules-compliant; a version that works in black border [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=479637 was printed later that same year]]), but also unusual gameplay conceits. The latest example of this is "Get Your Head in the Game," which lampshades AmbiguousSyntax:
-->When Get Your Head in the Game enters the battlefield, exile target nonland permanent until it (''this card'') leaves the battlefield, then touch it (''this card'') to your head. When it (''this card'') stops touching it (''your head''), sacrifice it (''the card, not your head'').
* ''Unfinity'' takes it to a new level with [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=580750 Animate Object]], which essentially allows you to pick any object from outside the game, turn it into an in-game creature, and play that creature. Cue the immediate Troper Tales of people using Waluigi figurines, chairs and ''Imperial''-class Star Destroyers to attack their opponents.
* The ''Literature/LordOfTheRings'' Universes Beyond set gives us [[https://scryfall.com/card/ltr/227/shadowfax-lord-of-horses Shadowfax, Lord of Horses]]. On its face, it's a pretty normal legendary creature, except that it includes reminder text for haste, even on the borderless printing, which would normally omit all reminder text.[[note]]Haste doesn't usually get reminder text at all. The last card to have reminder text for haste was [[https://scryfall.com/card/m21/166/traitorous-greed Traitorous Greed]], printed in ''2020''.[[/note]] [[MythologyGag Shadowfax is literally showing us the meaning of haste.]]
* The ''Outlaws of Thunder Junction'' card [[https://scryfall.com/card/otj/106/shoot-the-sheriff Shoot the Sheriff]] destroys a non-outlaw creature. The reminder text helpfully notes that Assassins, Mercenaries, Pirates, Rogues and Warlocks are outlaws...and "everyone else is fair game."
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Official Rulings]]
* In the set ''Battle for Zendikar'', there is a card called Void Winnower, an Eldrazi (EldritchAbomination) who keeps opponents from playing spells with even converted mana costs or blocking with creatures with even converted mana costs. The [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=402093 official card profile on The Gatherer]] has several additional rulings that explain how the card works. The last one, however, is an EasterEgg:
--> Yes, your opponent [[MemeticMutation can’t even.]] [[NeverHeardThatOneBefore We know.]]
* ''Magic Origins'' has a similar Easter Egg in the rules section for [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=398433 Demonic Pact]].
--> Yes, if the [[FourIsDeath Fourth]] option is the only one remaining, you must still choose one. [[ReadTheFinePrint You read the whole contract, right?]]
* This is done again in ''Eldritch Moon'' with [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Harmless+Offering Harmless Offering]].
--> [[AnOfferYouCantRefuse Your opponent can't refuse your]] [[BlatantLies generous donation.]]
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=416835 Queen Marchesa]] (long may she reign), is deserving of respect reserved only for the rightful monarch:
--> The last ability of Queen Marchesa (long may she reign) checks to see if an opponent is the monarch as your upkeep begins. If no opponent is the monarch, Queen Marchesa’s (long may she reign) ability won’t trigger at all. Queen Marchesa’s (long may she reign) ability will also check to see if an opponent is the monarch as it tries to resolve. If no opponent is the monarch at that time, Queen Marchesa’s (long may she reign) ability will have no effect.
* This ruling on [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=432882 Nissa's Encouragement]] from Hour of Devastation:
--> You can find any or all of the cards listed with Nissa’s Encouragement. You could even find none, but that wouldn’t be very encouraging.
* Then Ixalan's [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=435271 Revel in Riches]]:
--> If the second ability of Revel in Riches causes you to win the game, please refrain from throwing your Treasure tokens into the air, as this may distract or injure other players.
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=433282 Mairsil, the Pretender]] can gain the abilities of artifact and creature cards it exiles. The official rulings are a dry run-through over how exactly this works, with the last one covering Equipment giving us this gem:
-->If Mairsil has an equip ability, activating it won’t cause anything to happen. Mairsil doesn’t become attached to a creature. They may remain friends.
* Rivals of Ixalan has this gem in the rulings for [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=439793 Jadelight Ranger]]:
--> If you reveal a nonland card the first time Jadelight Ranger explores and leave it on top of your library, you'll reveal the same card the second time it explores. If you don't pretend to be surprised, you'll hurt Jadelight Ranger's feelings.
* The "mana pool" has been discontinued in 2018, and all cards that said "Add X to your mana pool" simply say "Add X"... except [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=73967 R&D's Secret Lair]], which has been updated with a reminder text specifically stating that you still add its mana to the mana pool, ''even if the mana pool doesn't exist anymore.'' Oh, by the way, R&D's Secret Lair is a joke card printed in ''2004''.
* Going right along with its artwork as mentioned previously, ''Unstable's'' [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=439449 Master Ninja has a few chuckle-inducing rulings going for it]]:
-->It's right there.
-->Look closer.
-->[[FailedASpotCheck No, that's a table.]]
** In general, if silver-bordered cards have rulings, they're much more light-hearted than the usual ones. From [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=479411 Syr Cadian, Knight Owl]]:
-->Knightlifelink is the same as granting lifelink to each Knight you control, but much, much cooler.
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=457345 Rhythm of the Wild]]:
--> If a creature enters the battlefield with two instances of riot, you may choose to have it get two +1/+1 counters, one +1/+1 counter and haste, or two instances of haste. Multiple instances of haste on the same creature are redundant, but we’re not going to tell the [[ProudWarriorRaceGuy Gruul]] how to live their lives.
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=464039 Feaster of Fools]] has convoke (you can tap creatures to help pay its mana cost) and devour 2 (sacrifice any number of creatures to add twice that many +1/+1 counters to it):
-->[[YouHaveOutlivedYourUsefulness It can devour creatures that convoked it,]] [[EvilIsNotAToy and those creatures can reflect upon the wisdom of convoking a demon.]]
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=442974 Demonlord Belzenlok]] has an ability that causes him to put cards in your hand [[PowerAtAPrice for the small cost of 1 damage to you per card.]] [[ButThouMust It's not a 'may' ability.]] To quote:
-->You can’t choose to stop receiving [[DealWithTheDevil the blessings of Demonlord Belzenlok]] any sooner.
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=473127 Lovestruck Beast]]:
-->If Lovestruck Beast’s power and toughness are reduced to 1/1, it learns that loving oneself is the first step on the true path to happiness, and it can attack even if you control no other 1/1 creatures.
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=473063 Rankle, Master of Pranks]]:
-->If you really want, you can choose zero modes for Rankle’s triggered ability, but carefully consider the hidden costs in not entertaining someone titled Master of Pranks.
* The last ruling about Food tokens on the [[https://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/feature/throne-eldraine-release-notes-2019-09-20 WotC website]] jokes about the fact that their type is "Food":
-->Whatever you do, don't eat the delicious cards.
** Also a ShoutOut to the flavor text on [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=74224 Fat Ass]].
--->Our lawyers say no matter how funny it would be, we can't encourage players to eat the cards. Hear that? [[DoNotDoThisCoolThing Whatever you do, don't eat the delicious cards]].
* With how easy it is to bring stuff back from the graveyard, [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=476412 Underworld Breach]](and any other card with the "escape" mechanic) really makes you wonder who's running the show down there:
--> After an escaped spell resolves, it returns to its owner’s graveyard if it’s not a permanent spell. If it is a permanent spell, it enters the battlefield and will return to its owner’s graveyard if it dies later. Perhaps it will escape again—good underworld security is so hard to come by these days.
* From [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=450647 Thantis the Warweaver]]:
--> You can’t attack yourself or your own planeswalkers to give Thantis +1/+1 counters, but Thantis appreciates the way you think.
* From [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=485351 Nine Lives]]:
--> If more than one source deals damage to you at once, prevent the damage from each of them and put that many incarnation counters on Nine Lives, even if this causes more than nine incarnation counters to be on Nine Lives. [[CatsAreMean Leave it to cats to abuse loopholes.]]
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=489905 Basalt Monolith]] sums up the issue with many mana-giving Artifacts:
--> Basalt Monolith’s last ability can untap it as often as you can pay for it. If you believe you’ve found a way to [[GameBreaker generate an unbounded amount of mana with it]], you’re probably right.
* From [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=464090 Pyrophobia]]:
--> Coward is a creature type. You won’t see this creature type printed on creatures ([[ScrewThisImOuttaHere perhaps because they’re too good at hiding]]), but keep in mind that creatures with the changeling ability are Cowards.
** Making this funnier is that ''[[HilariousInHindsight Wizards did eventually ]]'' ''[[https://scryfall.com/card/khm/127/craven-hulk?utm_source=mw_MTGWiki print a creature (Craven Hulk) with the Coward subtype.]]''
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Alrund%2C+God+of+the+Cosmos Alrund, God of the Cosmos]] received a surprisingly appropriate [[https://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/news/oracle-changes-2021-02-02 Day 1 Errata comment]] due to a missing "revealed this way"
-->Taken literally, you would put all cards of the chosen type into your hand. Like, all of them. From anywhere in the cosmos. We tidied this up prior to release.
* From [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=503731 Arni Brokenbrow]]:
-->If you control no other creatures at that time, you can change Arni’s base power to 1 until end of turn. Arni objects to this course of action.
-->If that greatest power is -3, you could change Arni’s base power to -2 until end of turn. Arni ''strenuously'' objects to this course of action.
* From [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=513626 Search for Blex and Blex, Vexing Pest]]
--> '''Search for Blex''': While resolving Search for Blex, you may put any number of the cards into your hand, even if you don’t have enough life to cover it. We’ll assume you have a plan that’s better than “and then I’ll lose the game.”
--> '''Blex, Vexing Pest''': If a creature is more than one of the creature types Blex cares about, it may haunt your dreams, but it will get the +1/+1 bonus only once.
** The creature types Blex cares about being Pests, Bats, Insects, Snakes, and Spiders. So yes, a creature that is [[MixAndMatchCritter more than one of those simultaneously]] would be pretty haunting.
* From [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=416767 Sovereign's Realm]]:
-->If you’re drafting with other sets and draft basic land cards other than the five mentioned above (including Wastes and the “Snow-Covered” versions of the typical basic lands), those cards will be in your sideboard and the activated ability of Sovereign’s Realm will allow you to play them. Also, invite me to your next draft—your group sounds rad.
* From [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=457188 Persistent Petitioners]]:
-->The last ability of Persistent Petitioners allows you to ignore the "four-of" rule. It doesn't let you ignore format legality. For example, during a Ravnica Allegiance Limited event, you can't add Persistent Petitioners from your personal collection, no matter how much they ask.
* From [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=548403 Kami of Horrible Secrets]]:
-->Its terrible secret is that it always forgets to call home on Mother's Day.
* From [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=522278 Grist, the Hunger Tide]], a planeswalker that makes a token and mills a card, and can then do that for as long as you mill Insects:
-->If Grist is no longer on the battlefield as its first loyalty ability resolves, you will still create a 1/1 black and green Insect creature token and mill a card. If an Insect card is milled this way, you won't be able to put a loyalty counter on Grist, but you will still repeat the process. [[{{Pun}} More mill for the Grist, as it were.]]
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=476175 One With Death]]. Aside from the card itself being a riff on the infamously useless [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=88817 One With Nothing]], the rulings simply state:
--> You lose the game.
--> Yes, really.
* [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=580687 Embiggen]] from the ''Unfinity'' set gives a creature +1/+1 for each card type, supertype, and subtype it has... except Brushwaggs, for some reason.[[note]]The practical reason for this is [[ObviousRulePatch so that Changelings, which are every type at once, don't get arbitrarily high stat boosts]] (since they're Brushwaggs along with all the other things), while the chances of having a non-Changeling Brushwagg are extremely low since only three Brushwagg cards exist. The other reason is that [[InherentlyFunnyWords "Brushwagg" sounds funny.]][[/note]] Quoth the rulings:
--> [[YouKnowWhatYouDid Brushwaggs know what they did.]]
* [[https://scryfall.com/card/mh1/116/yawgmoth-thran-physician Yawgmoth, Thran Physician]] has a very fitting rule concerning his "Protection from Humans" ability:
--> Protection from Humans refers only to the creature type Human. As far as [[MadScientist Yawgmoth]] is concerned, you, your opponents, and planeswalkers aren’t Humans.
* Another Un-set card, [[https://scryfall.com/card/und/4/flavor-judge Flavor Judge]], requires you to ask someone from outside the game if the story of what's about to happen makes sense. If they answer in the negative, you counterspell an opponent's effect causing the bizarre situation, but if in the affirmative, nothing happens. One of the rulings notes that if you can untap the card or control multiple instances of it, you could try to counter the same effect again with a new outside person. They then note:
-->While we can’t stop you from trying again with the same person, we encourage you to really think about whether that’s a good use of everyone’s time.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Tournament Play and other meta humor]]
* Richard Garfield proposed to his girlfriend Lily with an actual in-game card, [[https://magiccards.info/uqc/en/3.html Proposal]]. He noted with some trepidation, however, that it took him four games to actually draw it. Once can hardly imagine the amount of palm-sweating Mr. Garfield was going through during those games. (By the way, she said yes.)
* During the launch party for Unglued (the joke set that makes fun of ''Magic'' itself), Mark Rosewater took the role of a judge... while wearing a chicken suit. He wore a donkey suit for the release of the sequel set, Unhinged. On a related note, Mark also made [[ARareSentence a list of his favorite funny quotes]] from the players at the Unglued launch party, found [[https://web.archive.org/web/20111026023924/http://www.wizards.com/Magic/Magazine/Article.aspx?x=mtgcom/daily/mr137 here]] (presented without context):
-->#10: “My opponent made me go get him a Sprite with Ashnod's Coupon, but they're out of Sprite. Does that mean the effect fizzles?”\\
#9: “I'd tell you what I think of you but you Censored a word I'd need.”\\
#8: “I don't understand. What did the Cheese do to get isolated?”\\
#7: “I just don't find the lands that funny.”\\
#6: “Why won't this cow blow up?”\\
#5: “We need a ruling. How much hokey pokey is enough?”\\
#4: “Did you design this set just so you could build that deck and utterly humiliate me?”\\
#3: “Excuse me, Mr. Head Judge Chicken Guy, is this the Unglued tournament?”\\
#2: “You call that a cluck? I've heard better clucking from a chicken!”\\
#1: “In response to your declaration of attack, I remove my pants.”
* Anytime you and your friends play a game of Magic where Un- sets are included. Anytime. Just an example:
-->''(on turn 3)''\\
'''Friend 1:''' ''(stoic)'' For 3 mana, [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=74300 Farewell to Arms]]. Right hand. Go.\\
'''Friend 2:''' ''(manages to go through his turn with his right hand behind his back)'' Go.\\
'''Friend 1:''' ''(still stoic)'' For 3 mana, Farewell to Arms. Left hand. ''([[PsychoticSmirk smiles]])'' Play with your feet, motherfucker.
* At every opportunity, Wizards releases a "[[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Mistform%20Ultimus Mistform Ultimus]] Watch" that states every creature type the eponymous creature is. While it is amusing to have a creature that is, among other things, [[Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles a Mutant, a Ninja, and a Turtle]] (No "Teenager" subtype yet), the funniest stuff comes from their snarky commentary on the matter.
-->'''Mistform Ultimus Watch, ''[[https://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/arcana/mistform-ultimus-watch-theros-2013-10-07 Theros]]'' edition:''' Obviously, becoming a God is sort of a big deal.
* The ol' Chaos Confetti story. In a nutshell, a tourney player used the card [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=603 Chaos Orb]], which dictates that you toss the card into the air and anything it ends up touching when it lands gets destroyed. Instead, this guy tore it into pieces and sprinkled it onto the field, destroying pretty much everything his opponent had. This story eventually became an AscendedMeme with the creation of [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=5712 Chaos Confetti]].
-->''[[FlavorText "And you thought that was just an urban legend."]]''
** For bonus points, in one version of this legend, his opponent just called a judge who disqualified him for not having enough cards in deck.
** Regarding the Chaos Confetti card, some particularly cruel/inventive players came up with combos involving [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Mirrorweave Mirrorweave]] that to turn the opponent's creatures into Chaos Confetti, then using something like [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=Mindslaver Mindslaver]] to ''[[CrossesTheLineTwice tear up their opponent's cards]]'' (or more likely force them to concede).
* [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/making-magic/dont-shoot-messenger-2008-07-21 This article]], a parody of Mark Rosewater's work over the previous few months written by another staffer.
-->'''Maro''': One morning, several years ago, I was sitting in my kitchen, eating a piping-hot bowl of cream of wheat.\\
'''Evil Mark Rosewater''': [[SarcasmMode You live a life of danger!]]\\
'''Maro''': As I stared into this mushy glob of tastelessness, I became inspired.\\
'''Maro''': I asked myself, "Self, if cream of wheat was a Magic card, what would it look like?"\\
'''Evil Mark Rosewater''': And?\\
'''Maro''': [[ToMakeALongStoryShort Long story short]], [[TakeThat that's how Mercadian Masques came to be]].
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=74238 Persecute Artist.]] Longtime Magic artist Rebecca Guay is known for her beautiful, elegant watercolor illustrations for cards. At one point in time, she briefly came under fire from Magic's then-art director, Jeremy Cranford, for how "girly" her card art was. The legions of Guay's fans were ''so'' unhappy, the event was immortalized in Unhinged.
** [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=74348 Fascist Art Director]] is another card that refers to that incident.
* Doug Beyer, story director, on the relationship between Sorin and Ugin during the [[http://dougbeyermtg.tumblr.com/post/107283724719/so-sorrin-hasnt-noticed-ugins-been-dead-over-a Tarkir story]], and the [[http://sketchydoodles.tumblr.com/post/107320372375/from-the-genius-of-dougbeyermtg-springs-this visual version]] are hilarious.
-->'''Sorin''': THAT DRAGON HAD BETTER BE SUPER DEAD BECAUSE HE'S A PILE OF DRY BONES TO ME
* One of the first commercials to show Magic R&D, and how they "tested" cards:
-->'''Supervisor''': ''(on the phone)'' Call in the [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=4080 Orgg]] and the [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=6106 Raging Goblin]]. ...what? The goblin's out sick? Then we'll just have to do without him. Send in...BobFromAccounting.\\
''(Bob is then shuffled into the testing ground, followed by the Orgg. Cue Bob screaming, followed by discretion shots of the "[[CurbStompBattle fight]]")''\\
'''Supervisor''': I'd say the first round goes to the Orgg![[note]]''(Keep in mind that one article had not only established HumansAreAverage, but the typically average human being would only have a power and toughness of 1/1...possibly even 0/1.)''[[/note]]
* [[https://www.mtggoldfish.com MTGGoldfish]] (A competitive Magic site) has a featured column where users vote for a deck theme (mostly ridiculous combos that are far from viable strategy): For one of those events, the users voted in a deck which consisted of thirty-[[http://www.mtggoldfish.com/articles/against-the-odds-34-rhinos four]] [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=386666 Siege Rhinos]] (4 Siege Rhinos and 30 cards used to copy, return, search, summon, and support the theme of '''MORE SIEGE RHINOS'''). [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YesY90Goam8 Seeing it in play]] is funny. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8dgA8WKvOc Seeing it in play while a nursery rhyme about rhinos is playing in the background?]] Hilarious.
** The series as a whole is often hilarious, especially as a Johnny.
** The 34 Rhinos have since been topped by [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkoT4Nx2_hg&ab_channel=MTGGoldfish 100 Siege Rhinos]], which uses Battle of Wits, a card that wins the game if there are over 200 cards in the library during its controller's upkeep, as an excuse to play 100 cards that can clone or copy Siege Rhinos. To make it better, the opening match is against Mill, a deck archetype that has almost no chance of beating Battle of Wits decks, and because of an oversight... there are no Siege Rhinos in the deck.
* [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/top-decks/what-stays-and-what-goes-2016-09-16 What Stays And What Goes]] for the Kaladesh Standard rotation neatly summarises the past several months of Standard by showing all the impactful cards that are rotating out...a design that shows [[GameBreaker Collected Company]] four times.
* One would not expect the judge rulings on a card game to contain anything of note humor-wise. Nonetheless, thanks to ''Unglued'' and its card [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=8904 Hurloon Wrangler]], the action of removing one's pants officially takes place faster than a mana ability.
* [[http://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/inkwell/holiday-spirits-2016-12-16 The Holiday Spirits]], a mini-comic to celebrate Christmas. Really have to be seen to be believed.
* [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=409770 Odric, Lunarch Marshal]] confers each instance of a keyword ability to all your creatures during your combat. He's compatible with [[LongList a lot of abilities]]. It was a matter of time before someone took his lengthy card text and [[https://goodgamery.com/2016/03/odric-flippy-flappy-tactician/ ran with it]].
* ''WebVideo/LoadingReadyRun'''s pre-pre-release for Unstable had many hilarious moments, but [[https://youtu.be/eBMLsY9qSt4?t=579 the crowning one of them all]] was Wedge using [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=439458 Spike, Tournament Grinder]] to add [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=980 Shahrazad]] to his hand which caused spectator Serge to gasp dramatically and shout ''"[[YouMonster You monster!]]"'' To add even further to the hilarity, Wedge cast [[http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=439517 Better Than One]] and chose none other than Mark Rosewater himself to be his teammate ''before'' casting Shahrazad, triggering a subgame between ''two'' people and just one person! It all goes downhill for poor Cameron after that.
** Really, poor Cameron of WebVideo/LoadingReadyRun has had several traumatic matchups in the history of Pre-Prereleases. Notable standouts include being caught in a near-unending game opposite a Cloudblazer/Panharmonicon flicker deck during the Kaladesh event, or being put against a deck containing both Nicol-Bolas, Dragon God, and Niv-Mizzet Reborn, a five color deck that its controller gleefully called 'Wontburg' due to her certainty it would fail. It did not.
** However, Cameron's luck seemed to turn around big time during Unfinity's prerelease. Not only was he able to assemble ''[[GameBreaker infinite mana Urzatron]]'' with [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=580825 Urza's Funhouse]] and [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=580824 Nearby Planet]], but he immediately followed up by casting [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=580789 Opening Ceremony]] and chose to open a Kamigawa: Neon Dynasty booster on a whim. The rare of the booster just so happened to be [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?name=The%20Reality%20Chip The Reality Chip]], a card that lets you play cards from the top of your library. After some infinite mana, near-bottomless hand shennanigans, his opponent Maria simply [[ScrewThisImOutOfHere scooped on the next turn]]. And Cameron pulled that all off with a deck named [[WhatsAHenway Mind Goblin]].
* Leading up to the launch of the Dominaria set in 2018, the Magic: The Gathering [=YouTube=] channel posted what can only be described as the history of Dominaria as told by Series/DrunkHistory. Set designers chat to the camera with off-the-cuff summaries of Magic Lore while members of the [=MtG=] social media coordinators do their best to act out the descriptions of Dominarian History, and the whole thing was Produced by the MagicTheAmateuring Podcast crew. The series features:
** An Urza Explosion Counter that ticks up every time Urza sets off an EarthShatteringKaboom.
---> '''Mark Rosewater''' (''As Urza'') "Noooooooo! I regret ''most'' of what I've done!"
** The Phyrexians are represented by a person in a head-to-toe FutureSpandex suit, dancing and waddling around Mishra and the camera.
** The Professor from MTG Fan [=YouTube=] channel WebVideo/TolarianCommunityCollege helps show off the... questionable experiments performed at Urza's wizard school in Tolaria.
** In Episode Two: The original ''Weatherlight'' crew as described by Kelley Diggs, Wizards' Creative Writer:
---> "So you have Captain Sisay who's awesome... Tahngarth, who's like, this awesome Minotaur person... Gerrard who doesn't want to be there, Karn who's a sad pacifist robot, Squee who's an idiot, Stark who's a traitor, Crovax who's cursed. And they're like 'Yeah, this is a good crew!'"
** Episode Three concludes the series with the Phyrexian Invasion and features Urza's Planeswalker attack on Phyrexia. Particularly, Tevash Szat's murder of two fellow Planewalkers and subsequent death at Urza's hands.
---> '''Barrin''': You can't just suck [Szat's] soul out of their body to power weapons of mass destruction!
---> '''Urza''': It's totally fine! He was a criminal, I mean, he murdered someone. Totally fine. Completely above board.
---> '''Barrin''': ... Did you know he was gonna do that?
---> '''Urza''': Yeah. I knew.
* Sometimes really jank cards develop some unexpected...f ollowings, most frequently underpowered creatures, such as Chimney Imp, and most notoriously, Storm Crow.
** And while some people practically ''worship'' the latter, well... "What is a god to a [[https://we-need-a-table.tumblr.com/post/131717237698/themajesticshaggy-blogging-phelddagrif nonbeliever?"]]
* At the ''Guilds of Ravnica'' and ''Ravnica Allegiance'' prerelease events, you get a kit themed around the guild you chose, each of which has a life counter die with the guild symbol and one pack's worth of cards based on the guild including a promo. Each of them also has three words written on the box in increasingly larger font associated with the guild and what it does, which are usually a reasonable description (for instance, Simic has "Mutation. Evolution. Progress."). And then there's [[ProudWarriorRaceGuy Gruul]]'s...
--> Smash. Smash. Smash.
* Crossing over with [[TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons fifth edition Dungeons & Dragons]] first with the Planeshift mini-guides and later the ''Guildmaster's Guide to Ravnica'' has led ever-enterprising DM Adam Koebel to come up with the campaign [[https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLfS8QgUdeGYrvfzovvf3o0EyJcPBJvfU1 ''Jace Beleren Must Die'']]. As Adam points out, the whole idea is laughably absurd, and largely runs on [[FailureIsTheOnlyOption failure being the only option.]] After all, ''Jace has no stats''. And by his own admission, Adam won't be giving him any.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZixWqaGJVQs This tutorial]] on how to play the game contains many treasures. For just a few examples:
--> (When describing what the game is) Magic: The Gathering is a 25-year old trading card game where your goal is to kill your opponent by casting spells and throwing monsters at them until they stop moving. [[BaitAndSwitch Another option would be to actually use your cards to win the game the normal way]], but murdering the opposition does technically make you the victor...
--> (When talking about how instants work) Your turn? Check. Opponent's turn? Check. Did your opponent just play a card? Well screw you, now I'm playing a card. Did you just play a card? Well screw me, now I'm playing another card!
--> (When describing how to attack a planeswalker) --> In order to attack a planeswalker, choose which creature you want to attack with and say "[[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill I AM ATTACKING THIS PLANESWALKER WITH THIRTY-FIVE WURMS.]]"
* Wizards sponsored a whole bunch of youtube animators to make trailers and guides on the game with the release of MTG arena. All of them are Hilarious
** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGrcTK9VZ10 A Crap Guide To Magic the Gathering]] by [=JoCat=]
*** Jo tries to kill a blocking sheep by summoning [[TheresNoKillLikeOverkill a rabid hell demon from the fiery pits of the underworld]].
-->'''Jo''': I'm going to turn you into a blanket after we're finished, you smug-eyed little...\\
'''Opponent''': It's not your turn yet!\\
'''Jo''': [[{{Angrish}} Ugnhmmnumunmmg]]. Fine. You win this round, blocking sheep.
*** According to him, the creatures are gold diggers, which is why they won't answer your summons unless you offer up some premium real estate.
* The sheer hatred towards the [[ScrappyMechanic "Bands with other" mechanic]] from Wizards themselves is hilarious. For example, Mark Rosewater gives mechanics used in Magic a rating from 1 to 10 in [[https://mtg.fandom.com/wiki/Storm_Scale the Storm Scale,]] which defines how likely that mechanic is to being reprinted in a Standard legal set. At 10 sits mechanics like "Storm" (a mechanic so inherently overpowered and uninteractive that no matter how weak Wizards tries to make it, people still find ways to break it) and "Ante" (aka. ''literal gambling''). "Bands with other" sits at '''11'''. Mark Rosewater would rather do ''something illegal'' rather than reprinting the damn mechanic.
* In the Literature/LordOfTheRings Universes Beyond set, the card for [[https://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=636275 Shadowfax]] has reminder text explaining haste, an extremely basic keyword ability. This is because of Gandalf's line "Shadowfax, show us the meaning of haste." The Oracle ruling even lampshades this.
[[/folder]]
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