* ANYTHING said by the Commentators Howard and Kreese... Which is to say 99% of the game.
-->'''Kreese:''' [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment There can only be one number one]] [[ThereCanOnlyBeOne in this fight to the death!]]
-->'''Howard:''' [[CaptainObvious Well, DUH!]] It's ''a mathematical fact'' that ''there can only be one number one!''
-->'''Kreese:''' For the last '''[[PrecisionFStrike fucking]]''' time, '''''[[NowYouTellMe NOBODY SAID THERE'D BE MATH!!!!!!!]]'''''
-->'''Both:''' (singing) ''III BLAAAME OOOUR SCHOOOOOLS!''
** "Jack is ramming himself against [[MirrorBoss Kojack]]!" "So basically, Jack is [[ScrewYourself ramming himself against himself]]. We are watching the most violent [[ADateWithRosiePalms masturbation]] ever!" "(Chuckles) ''[[{{Squick}} This is nothing...]]''"
** "More proof that there's nothing a liberal dose of pharmaceuticals won't fix! [[foldercontrol]]

[[folder: This message is brought to you by drugs. Drugs: take them often and indiscriminately! ]]
** "Kojack is just [[EvilTwin evil Jack]], and [[EvilIsCool evil makes everything BETTER]]!"
* Although [[TheStoic Jack]] is a little TOO straight-laced to really match the zaniness of Howard, Kreese, or the Baron, his sheer [[DeadpanSnarker Deadpan Snarkiness]] more than makes up for it: for example, in the opening cutscene of level two, after Agent XIII demanded to know where Jack ran off to:
--> '''Jack:''' [[DeadpanSnarker I had to take a piss. What, is "no pissing" part of my contract?]]
** And at the start of the [[UsefulNotes/LasVegas Casino Land]] level:
--> '''Jack:''' (Riding up on his motorcycle) So... this is the strip. [[AllMenArePerverts Think I have enough time for a lap-dance?]]
--> '''[[MissionControl Amala]]:''' [[FacePalm (Face Palming)]] [[AllWomenArePrudes Perv...]]
* A sample conversation from the announcers:
-->'''Howard:''' It's my favorite time of day again!
-->'''Kreese:''' Ooh, time to huff some paint?
-->'''Howard:''' No.
-->'''Kreese:''' Time to take a dump?
-->'''Howard:''' No.
-->'''Kreese:''' Well then I give up, what time is it?
-->'''Howard:''' Time for another Bloodbath Challenge!
-->'''Kreese:''' Whatever - if you need me, [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs I'll be taking a dump while huffing some paint]]...
-->'''Howard:''' So predictable.
* Another conversation from the announcers.
-->'''Howard:''' Awesome rack on her though! [[labelnote: Explanation]] During a boss fight with a rather... provocative vampire woman, this line is said by Howard. If there was any meme spawned by this game, it's this line. Expect any discussion around ''VideoGame/MadWorld'' to have this line used excessively.[[/labelnote]]
-->'''Kreese:''' Aw, true that!
* In the introduction for the Maitenance Facility stage:
-->'''Howard''': Information about this area is limited, since anyone whose ever known about this place has either disappeared or been lobotomized. Judging by your comments throughout the course of this event, I'd have to guess the latter in your case, Kreese.\\
'''Kreese''': ''Fuck you!'' ({{beat}}) ...but yeah, that would kinda explain a lot of things: the blurred vision, the metal plate in my head, the mysterious foreign object up my ass-\\
'''Howard''': Oh, the last one's mine. Be sure to rinse that off when you're done.\\
'''Kreese''': [[[{{Squick}} dry heave]]]
* In the Asiantown stage, whenever Jack rescues one of the geishas, she runs up and plants a SmoochOfVictory on his lips. Jack being [[TheStoic Jack]], his only reaction is to essay a small wave as she runs off, as if to say, "Oh. Hey. Sup. You're welcome."
* The introduction to the Dungeon:
-->'''Howard:''' [[AddedAlliterativeAppeal Callously carved cadavers, violent vivisections]] and just plain crazy science gone wrong!
-->'''Kreese:''' SCIENCE!
-->'''Howard:''' That's what's behind the blood-splattered walls of the castle's monsterous laboratory. Anyone dumb enough to wander into this basement butcher shop unprepared is likely to wind up with an electrode up his ass and six pig tits grafted to his back!
-->'''Kreese:''' Seven.
-->'''Howard:''' Huh?
-->'''Kreese:''' Seven pig tits. They sewed one on my stomach too.
-->'''Howard:''' Dude, awesome! (''silently'') Can I touch it?
-->'''Kreese:''' Go ahead.