* ''United States Live'' is full of funny moments.
** The deaf elderly couple who drive across the entire continental United States with their car burglar alarm stuck in the "on" position.
--->The alarm didn't seem to bother the old woman at all. She thought it was sort of pleasant. Near Chicago, she said to her husband, "It sounds like faraway bees on a summer day." Her husband said, "What?"
** "In my dreams, I am your customer. And the customer is always right."
** "Good evening. Welcome to Difficult Listening Hour. The spot on your dial for that relentless and impenetrable sound of difficult music."
** In one track, Anderson is on the phone, trying to invite someone on a date... to see the show that she's actually performing at that moment.
--->C’mon, just put your coat on and put your shoes on, and call a taxi and come down. Yeah, I know it's Brooklyn. It's thirty-five dollars but... it’s yeah, it’s two nights.[[note]]''United States'' was being performed at the Brooklyn Academy of Music, and being eight hours long, it took place over two nights.[[/note]] Listen, I’m sure I could get you in.
** "There are ten million stories in the naked city. But no one can remember which one is theirs."
** "Some of you may be surprised to learn that if a sperm were the size of a salmon, it would be swimming its seven-inch journey at 500 miles per hour. If a sperm were the size of a whale, however, it would be traveling at 15,000 miles per hour, or Mach 20. Now imagine, if you will, four hundred million blind and desperate sperm whales departing from the Pacific coast of North America swimming at 15,000 mph and arriving in Japanese coastal waters in just under 45 minutes. ... How would they be received?"