* (From Vol. 1: [[Music/{{Jumpsteady}} Evil Dead]] has just defeated Redneck Devil Without a Cause in about 10 seconds.)
--> '''3D (Violent J)''': "That was the fastest match in JCW history!"\\
'''Gweedo (Shaggy 2 Dope)''': "Who gives a fuck?"\\
'''Luscious Johnny Stark ([[Music/{{Twiztid}} Jamie Madrox]])''': "I don't know whether to laugh or cry or what the hell to do."\\
'''Gweedo''': "That doesn't mean one fucking thing. That's no kind of accomplishment. It's only the second fucking match in JCW history any fucking way!"

* (From Vol. 2)
--> '''Slick Rick Buggles (Legz Diamond)''': "From Asslick, KY, weighing in at 725 FUCKING POUNDS, HORNSWAGGLIN' HILLBILLY!"