Nothing is outright ''hilarious'' in this series -- you need a dark sense of humor to even read it in the first place without wincing. Nevertheless...
* Courtesy of the title character:
--> '''Nny''': ''Dear Die-ary, today I stuffed some dolls full of dead rats I put in the blender. I'm wondering if, maybe, there really '''is''' something wrong with me.''
* There's a time where Johnny goes to Hell. A man shows up to show him around town. After driving for only half a panel he recognizes Johnny, though the latter doesn't -- at first. The man starts to yell how Johnny killed him, [[TooDumbToLive reminding Nny what exactly he did that got himself killed in the first place]], and ''then'' Johnny starts to remember. He stares at the man...and boots him out of the car while it's moving.
** When Nny crashes into the store: '''"IT'S OKAY!!!I THINK MY SPINE EXPLODED BUT I'M OKAY!"''''
* Nny is arguing with the Doughboys (Mr. Fuck and Psycho-Doughboy), personifications of his self-loathing and self-encouragement manifested as ghoulishly painted pastry store display dummies. At one point, while arguing with a bunny nailed to a wall (Nny's conscience), they get up and ''rip the bunny's head off''.
-->'''Nny:''' I don't remember you guys ever moving around like that.
-->'''Mr. Fuck:''' Yes, well, [[HandWave the rabbit provoked us.]]
** Nevertheless, not a few moments later, the Doughboys have frozen up again...
---> '''Nny:''' Um...how come you're not moving around anymore?
--->'''Mr. Fuck:''' [[GasLighting We can't move around. We're made of styrofoam.]]
* The time he's tied somebody down and you think it's another killing spree but '''IS THIS MILK STILL GOOD?!''' He hasn't cleaned out the fridge in a while and wanted to [[http://i302.photobucket.com/albums/nn111/retard_cunt_face/JTHM.jpg test the food.]]
** The funniest panel being the face of the 'victim' [[spoiler:when he's released, totally unharmed, with no clue what the hell just happened]] and Johnny's cheerful, adorable wave goodbye.
--> "'''THIS LETTUCE! HOW CRISP IS IT?! HOW CRISP GODDAMMIT?!'''"
* "I HAVE RATS IN MY ANUS!"
* "I CAN'T SEE THE BACK OF MY HEAD!"
* The mysterious powers in heaven. Never give Johnny the idea that he can make people's heads explode on a whim (even if it is instantly reversed). Cue CrazyAwesome fight scene.
** EXPLODING KAMIKAZE BABY.
** Who finally stops this madness? A ''[[NunsAreFunny Nun]]''. How? ''Everybody'' goes '''[[YourHeadASplode BOOM!]]'''
* From Nny's Twitter: "People see babies' heads on spikes in your front lawn and they assume you did it. I DID do it, but I resent the implication."
** [[http://twitter.com/johnny_c That thing]] is full of these. And almost every time you [[BlackComedy laugh]], you will hopefully feel like an [[HumansAreBastards absolute bastard]].
* Nny's whole ''conversation'' with Squee the first time he meets him. Especially when he starts talking to Shmee.
--> '''Nny:''' (''at Squee's teddy and apropos of nothing'') FUCK YOU, MR. BEAR! You speak LIES! LIIIIES! Stuffed with pure venom, you vile lint-infested bastard! How many more like you are there?! ''How many more?!'' You can't even imagine the things I've endured! And always at the hands of shit like you! ''You don't know the truth!''
** And then he does what Johnny does, which is rip the offending individual to pieces with a knife while screaming. In front of Squee. And then he sheepishly hands the shredded teddy back to the kid.
* Squee's parents.
--> Squee's Dad: "I haven't smiled since you were born!"
* "You stink! Focusing on the mundane! Money! Fashion! ''Cream cheese!''"
* And, of course, one of the most memorable lines in the history of the series, so much so that it gets called back to not only twice here, but also at least once in ''ComicBook/IFeelSick'', and spawned a recurring character to boot. \\
Devi (said recurring character) is on a date with a man when he suddenly feels intense gastrointestinal pain. Not wanting to go to the bathroom, lest Devi think he's lost interest, he sticks around only to find that it's worse than he thought. And as he craps himself, his mind reels, trying to find some plausible reason to get up. He's still thinking when a nearby table notices the stench, forcing him to settle on an excuse. Panicked, he notices the poo dripping down his legs and blurts out the best excuse that occurs to him:
-->'''''[[spoiler:OH MY GOD! SOMEONE PUT SHIT IN MY PANTS!]]'''''
** That's not the last we see of Devi's date, though. He later shows up during Nny's rampage at the cafe:
-->'''Man in toilet''': Um... could somebody give me some toilet paper?\\
'''Johnny''': ''[[DisproportionateRetribution You should've checked before you went!]]'' ''(throws in bomb)''\\
** He later shows up in the background in Heaven, complete with a snarky label courtesy of Jhonen. "Freedom from shitting in his pants!"
*** Devi even briefly mentions him when Nny is planning on killing her at the end of their date:
-->'''Devi''': Suddenly, being out with a guy who dumps in his pants seems REEEEEALLY nice.
* [[BlackBestFriend Tonja]] ([[ComicBook/IFeelSick re-tooled]] as [[GenkiGirl Tenna]]) is trying to get Devi to move past nearly being murdered on her best date ever -- or at least leave her apartment. Finally, she suggests that she call Nny's house; surely if he's that bad, he'll have moved on by now. Right? Right. Except for the part where Nny ''picks up'' with a polite little "... Hello?" Followed by a gunshot and screaming.
-->'''Devi''': ...I'm staying in tomorrow.
** Though made a lot [[HarsherInHindsight less funny]] when you find out [[spoiler: [[ShootTheShaggyDog what happened]]]].
* Nny's reaction to Jimmy. Just gotten back from [[spoiler:Hell,]] somewhat sane, feeling social... and this absurd copycat's on his doorstep. His incredulous expression is just priceless. And then, the one time he decides to be [[KickTheSonOfABitch patient]]...
-->'''Nny''': Who the ''hell'' are you?
* Mr. Samsa. He's most likely multiple cockroaches, but Nny is under the impression that he's a single immortal cockroach.
-->'''Tess:''' You don't think maybe there's ''more than one'' cockroach in this place?
-->'''Nny:''' Don't be ridiculous.