* Toby Wright has just been balled out by his boss, Simon Foster, for oversleeping and turning up to the end of a meeting, obviously hungover.
-->'''Toby:''' Look, alright, I was late for the meeting, Simon, I am sorry, but it's not like I threw up in there, is it?
-->'''Simon:''' No, you're right, I'm being unfair. I should be thanking you for not throwing up. Well done, you're a star. You didn't wet yourself, did you? You're in the right city. You didn't say anything overtly racist. You didn't pull your cock out and start plucking it and shouting "Willy Banjo". No, I'm being really unfair. You'd got so much right, without actually being there in the beginning of one of the most important moments of my career. Thanks, you're a legend.
** The deleted scene where Simon [[NeverLiveItDown brings it up again]] while Toby is eating a stolen pastry:
-->'''Toby:''' It's like being Charlie in the Chocolate Factory, and you can see all the Oompa-Loompas and you think, where is the actual confectionary being made? Nobody's singing...\\
'''Simon:''' But you're ''eating''...\\
'''Simon:''' ... And eating, and eating.\\
'''Toby:''' I've had ''two bites...''\\
'''Simon:''' (Deadpan) Ladies and gentlment, Stinky Man is going to burst in and entertain you with his Danish Pastry-eating! He can eat ten Danish Pastries in as many seconds, in front of the Assistant Secretary of State of the United States of America!
-->'''Toby:''' The Assistant Secretary of State of the United States of America put the pastry in front of me in the first place!\\
'''Simon:''' No she didn't, you ''grabbed'' it like some starving Victorian urchin!\\
'''Toby:''' It was on a table designed for the people of the meeting of which I-\\
'''Simon:''' Oh, shut up, Toby.
* A DeadpanSnarker at the White House, after Malcolm criticises his young age:
--> '''AJ:''' I'm 22, but it's my birthday in nine days, so to make you feel more comfortable, we could wait?
* Malcolm rants in a public square after Judy hangs up on him, and then:
--> '''Tourist:''' "Hey buddy, enough of the curse words, right?"
--> '''Malcolm:''' "Kiss my sweaty balls, you fat fuck!"
* Earlier, Linton had called Malcolm "a useless piece of S-star-star-T." Towards the end, Malcolm retaliates with a truly magnificent swear:
--> '''Malcolm:''' "I've come across a lot of psychos. But none as fucking ''boring'' as you. You know, you're a real boring ''fuck''... I'm sorry, I know you disapprove of swearing, so I'll sort that out. You are a boring F-star-star-''CUNT''!"
* Every single scene with Paul.
--> '''Toby:''' "Could she maybe use a hose?"
--> '''Paul:''' "She's got a [[SuddenlyShouting WATERING CAN]]!"
* Malcolm considers the word "purview" to be AntiquatedLinguistics, the sort you'd get in a "Jane fucking Austen novel."
--> '''Malcolm:''' Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your ''purview'' and ram it up the shitter with a lubricated horse cock!