* "[[MemeticMutation I love my dead gay son!]]"
* "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw!"
* "Dear diary: My teenage angst bullshit now has a body count..."
* "I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times and I felt bad everytime I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood ''everything''. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah."
* [Veronica writing in diary] "Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west... wait east. West! God! I sound like a fucking psycho."
* The cops finding the mineral water at the site of the "gay suicide pact" crime scene: "This explains everything."
* "Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make!"
* Jason may have been AxCrazy, but some of his [[DeadpanSnarker snark]] was pretty funny:
-->'''Jock:''' Doesn't this cafeteria have a no fags policy?\\
'''Jason:''' Oh yeah, but they seem to have an open door policy on assholes, don't they?
* Veronica's matter of fact delivery of the line, "If Heather [Duke] was going to cut her wrists, the knife would be spotless"
* Veronica's casual reaction to JD's suicide.
* Ram's thoughts at Heather's funeral: "Jesus God in Heaven, why did you have to kill such hot snatch? It's a joke, man. Jeez, people are so serious. Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven, pray for all us sinners so we don't get caught. Another joke, man. "