* You're driving the Love Fist limo only to find out that it's a armed with a bomb, and the only way to not set it off is to drive fast, a la ''Film/{{Speed}}'', until the group finally disarms it. HilarityEnsues.
** The fact that Tommy is constantly annoyed throughout the whole mission makes it even more funnier.
--> '''Jezz''': Tommy pal, you gotta save the band!
--> '''Tommy''': I'm getting bored of this.
--> '''Jezz''': Which wire, Tommy?!
--> '''Tommy''': The green one.
* You drive like a lunatic all over town, running over innocents, gun down several people including cops, SWAT teams, FBI agents, and cause massive destruction of property, all in broad daylight and in plain view of every law enforcement officer in town. You are eventually arrested, and as you emerge from the police station (minus weapons and a small bribe/fine) you can hear Rosenburg in the background, "Tommy Vercetti is an innocent man!"
* This exchange from the beginning of the mission "Supply and Demand":
--> '''Diaz''' (screaming at his VCR player): Eject! Plastic crap! You doing this to ME?! Who do you think you are, you piece of plastic SHIT!?! Aaaaargh! SCREW YOU!!! (Diaz shoots up his VCR, Tommy walks in)
--> '''Diaz''': It eats [[{{Filth}} my favorite El Burro movie]], it die! What else could I do?
--> '''Tommy''': It's probably not plugged in.
--> '''Diaz''': What? (looks closely and sees that Tommy was right) Damn - no matter, I can buy a hundred more.
** And just a little later in the scene, Diaz scratches his crotch ''[[ArtisticLicenseGunSafety with his gun.]]''
* Tommy's Italian goombas and their generic dialogue.
--> '''Thug 1:''' What am I gonna do about her?
--> '''Thug 2:''' ''Forget'' about her, Mario!
--> '''Thug 1:''' I tell myself, "Mario, take it easy!"
* This quip from the game's ending:
--> '''Tommy:''' "[[{{Casablanca}} Y'know Ken, I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful business relationship...]] [[EsotericHappyEnding after all,]] [[EvilLawyerJoke you're a conniving, backstabbing two-bit thief]] - ''[[HypocrisyNod and I'm]]'' ''[[VillainProtagonist a convicted psychotic killer and drug dealer!!]]'' (Laughs)"
--> '''Ken:''' ([[YesMan Utterly sincere]]) "[[ComicallyMissingThePoint I know... Ain't it just beautiful?]]"
* Before the final mission, Ken talks about how he hates the prospect of him being a subject to CementShoes.
--> "I like fish. I love fish. I like them as pet in a bowl, or a food on a plate. But as much as I love them, I don't want to sleep with them."
* Early in the game, we usually get an inside look into Tommy's thoughts after a mission cutscene ends. Most of them are full of snark.

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