Despite the mostly depressing and macabre features of this chilling series, there are many witty characters and a great sardonic dialogue that keeps the readers spirits up just that ''little'' bit above 0.

'''WARNING: Although explicit spoilers have been hidden, some of the quotes strongly hint at them.'''

!!'''Gone'''
* '''Sam''': Welcome to Perdido Beach, where our motto is; Radiation? What Radiation?
* When Howard confronts the group over the golf cart Astrid calls him an ''"Invertebrate."''
* '''Caine''': I wish there were some way we could be friends, Sam...(smashes his face into a wall) '''Sam''': (winces in pain) I can tell you're just dying to be my new homie.
* '''Astrid''': Its what president Rosevelt said... '''Quinn''': You know the only good thing about this was that I got away from history class. Now history class is following me.
* '''Astrid''': ... And then the turbines generate electricity that goes into the whole town. '''Quinn: ''' You mean they aren't powered by giant hamsters on wheels? I was misinformed.
* '''Sam''': Anyone know how to drive a car? '''Quinn''': I've seen it done on TV before. '''Astrid''': Well, I have seen heart surgery on TV before, but I am not trying that. '''Quinn''': "You watch heart surgery on TV? That explains a lot, Astrid."
* '''Caine:''' I was always different to other people Sam. '''Sam:''' Let me guess; [[Literature/HarryPotter you're secretly a wizard who was raised by muggles.]] '''Caine:''' (smiles) (uses telekinesis to slam Sam into a wall) Yeah, kind of..
* '''Chunk''': I was born in July. You know what that makes me? I'm a cancer." '''Drake''': (grinding teeth) You got that right.
* '''Astrid''': Ninth graders with machine guns; It's hard to make that a happy story. '''Sam''': Yeah. The phrase 'ninth graders with machine guns' isn't exactly followed by 'have a nice day'.
!!'''Hunger'''
* '''Caine''': Hand me my pants.
* '''Diana''': Oh look, Drake's trying to think.
* '''Diana''': We're sitting in the dark, ready to sell our souls for another peppermint, with enough uranium to give a terrorist a wet dream.
* '''Caine''': Come on Goose. You're doing great. '''Duck''': [[AccidentalMisnaming Duck]]. '''Caine''': Can you feel the Darkness, [[InsistentTerminology Goose]]?
* '''Brianna''': Don't worry Sam. I won't let you fall. '''Sam''': Then whats the helmet for? '''Brianna:''' In case you fall.
* '''Caine''': Is it safe to go in? '''Jack''': What could be dangerous about a nuclear fuel spillage?
* '''Caine''': (having a nightmare) HUNGRY IN THE DARK! HUNGRY IN THE DARK! '''Diana''': Not this again. '''Caine''': (wakes up) What? '''Diana''': Hungry in the dark; it's one of your greatest hits.
* '''Drake''': (stroking machine gun) This is nice. This is really nice. '''Diana:''' Maybe you two should get a room.
* '''Drake''': I had a hard life. Hard for my parents, I mean. It wasn't that bad for me.
* '''Caine''': You know what I am? '''Sam''': Crazy?
!!'''Lies'''
* '''Sam''': You need anything? '''Howard''': Aside from a hambuger, a peach pie, a bucket of ice cream, a DVD, a phone, a computer, and a one way ride out of crazy town? '''Sam''': Yeah aside from that. '''Howard''': Then I'm good.
* '''Astrid''': That's your solution; have a cookie? '''Sam''': No, my solution is to run away until this is all over. But a cookie never hurts.
* '''Howard''': Hey, thanks for stopping by. I'd offer you some tea and cookies, but all we have is boiled mole and artichokes. Plus, we kind of have a dead girl in the living room.
!!'''Plague'''
* '''Virtue''': I'm going to refuse to do puberty. [[LoveMakesYouDumb It makes you stupid.]]
* '''Sanjit''': It's Sanjit. It's a Hindu name. It means 'invincible.' '''Lana''': That's great. '''Sanjit''': Invincible. I can't be vinced. '''Lana''': [[PerfectlyCromulentWord That's not even a word]]. '''Sanjit''': Go ahead: try to vince me.
* '''Sanjit''': If you had balls, I'd say you'd have a big brass pair.
* "''Diana let her towel drop. [[DistractedByTheSexy Caine made a noise like a strangled animal.]]''"
!!'''Fear'''
* '''Drake''': Babies need milk. And you're the cow Diana; moo.
* '''Penny''': Fuck you![[note]]As brought to you by a NarrativeProfanityFilter[[/note]] '''Caine:''' I think you meant fuck you, your highness.
* '''Diana''': Sam, I'm [[spoiler: pregnant]]; not crippled.
* '''Jack''': Brianna's been weird lately. Ever since we came up to the lake. She's like, all... '''Dekka''': She's like all what, Jack? '''Jack''': Like all... I don't know. Like she wants to... you know... '''Dekka''': No, I don't know. So if you've got something to say, spit it out. '''Jack''': I don't know. Like, be friendly with me. Like, she made out with me the other day. '''Dekka''': [[DeathGlare Poor you]]. ''(Sam deliberately crashes the car to avoid Jack's imminent beatdown)''
* '''Sam''': No girl is an island. '''Astrid''': Seriously? You're misquoting John Donne? To me? '''Sam''': Hey, maybe I've spent the last four months reading poetry. You don't know.
!!'''Light'''
* [[spoiler: Prosecutors decided that the FAYZ was a separate dimension, and therefore not under California State Law.]]
* [[spoiler: '''Diana''': Pretty soon you'll start... developing. '''Gaia''': Developing? '''Diana''': Never mind; I'm so not ready for ''that'' conversation.]]
!!'''Monster'''
!!'''Villain'''
* When Tom Peaks finally gets sick of working with [[AxCrazy Drake]], he anonymously tips the government off to Drake's location, and they promptly blow him up with a drone strike. [[FromASingleCell It doesn't kill him]], of course, but when Drake's [[LudicrousGibs exploded face]] lands in a cactus, he only has one thing to say:
-->'''Drake''': [[BlackComedy Damn. This again?]]
* The next time we see Drake, the narration informs us that after ''Light'', he was so dead that he had to regenerate from what was left of him in a ''swordfish turd'', of all things.