* ''Lady Elyana nibbles a small cake. Groat blinks, looks down at his now-empty plate and sputters. From the fireside Gammer Wilde says, "I like her."''
* Kirth tricking Fat Tom to [[IllNeverTellYouWhatImTellingYou tell]] he is going to deliver a letter.
--> Kirth says, "You were in terrible shape earlier. Glad you're on your feet now!" Tom says, "Thank you, but I'm not talking about the letter. Ah, seven hells!"
*
--> '''[[TooDumbToLive Garth the Poulter]]''': It was wrong, m'lady, to say the Hollards were more stingy with their coin than a whore from King's Landing...but by the Seven, they are!
* Gammer Wilde pinching Ser Hugo's ear for insulting the weirwood trees.
--> Ser Hugo scowls. "Faces carved by people, not gods." Gammer Wilde is suddenly behind him, pinching his ear. "Oww! Off me, woman! I won't strike you but..."
** Ser Hugo is already cautious:
--> '''You''': "As Ser Hugo says, a vow to the Seven holds more weight that one to uncounted old gods."
--> Ser Hugo glances at Gammer Wilde, who pretends not to notice, and says, "Uncounted is a frightening word. Like knowing you have enemies but not how many."
* Some of Groat's jokes and comments, as well as his occasional picking on Alvyn.
--> '''(On Jon Snow swearing his vows on a weirwood)'''
--> '''Groat''': Aheh, you have to see it through the eyes of a boy raised to venerate the trees."
--> '''You''': Groat, I'm a little disappointed. You have no jest for me?"
--> '''Groat looks around, half-smiling. "Just recall, my [lady/lord], if the boy leaves, [[{{Pun}} he'll look like a sap."]] [[CollectiveGroan Groans rise from all sides]] and [[TheGadfly Groat takes a little bow]].'''
* Ser Hugo's SpitTake in the Bonus Quest where your friend's foster daughter tries to pull TheBabyTrap on him.
--> '''Maester Lucas''': "There's a raven from [Your Friend's House]. It says..." He starts to chuckle. "Oh dear. It says his foster claims she is with Ser Hugo's child."
--> '''You''': "Ser Hugo...are congratulations in order?"
--> '''Ser Hugo Flint''': The knight looks from where he spit strongwine all over his tunic. "No. Never. I swear, my [lord/lady]. She propositioned, I said no. Three times, in fact."
* Poor Septa Eleanor's shock when surprising the soldiers in the middle of - *ahem* - moral defilement in the brothel.
* In "Peril of the Old Ways", Septa Eleanor, in a rather Jerkass moment, argues with Gammer Wilde about dragging your character into a search for a Skinchanger, calling it a mystical fool's errand and mocking Gammer's beliefs. You can make Gammer tell her off... [[CoolOldLady or kick her in the shins]].
--> "You little--" Septa Eleanor catches herself before she says anything improper, hopping on one foot. Gammer shuffles away.
*** Also, in the first dialogue, Gammer steals one of Groat's biscuits. She can later give it to [[ItMakesSenseInContext the Skinchanger's dog for information]].
* ''Maester Lucas gestures to the guards, who leave to escort Kirth in. "I hear your cousin is a minstrel. I must warn you--he brought his lute."''
* ''Maester Lucas sends the guards to imprison [[SpoonyBard Kirth]]. "We'll confiscate your cousin's lute as well. We don't want him disturbing the other prisoners."''
* ''"Then we're in agreement?" Terrei says confidently. "We will arrange a marriage." The words cut through your haze of wine. "What?"''
* Caiden's hijinks in your holdings.
* ''Rona and Groat shake their heads, then look surprised at their agreement.''
*
--> '''Groat''': "Speak of Viserys, now quite dead! A crown of gold around his head! He grew emboldened, then grew drunk and fell with a metallic thunk!"
* The whole Bonus Quest ''Garnish''.
*
--> '''King Robert Baratheon''': ''My son says you're a pile of manure, Kirth. That's how I know you're one of the good ones.''
*
--> [on their wedding, Renly seems to be drunk]
--> '''''Ask King Renly about his future plans.'''''
--> "Bed my wife, I suppose!" Margaery blushes, "He meant the coming weeks, my darling."
*
--> Eutimio throws down Nicomede's bloody cloak before the council. "It is done." The councillors look shocked. "Nicomede is...dead?" one asks.
--> '''''Sarcastically ask if they would rather you walk through the bank with his severed head.'''''
--> The councillor looks faintly green. "We will accept your word."
* Craster's DeathGlare missing its effect:
--> ''Rolfe keeps his head down, avoiding Craster's gaze as he takes a seat by the fire. The old wildling turns his accusing eye on someone else.''
* How to become my favorite child:
--> Ella tosses her head with thirteen-year-old pride. "You think that [[TheRival old bag]] could have fought off those slavers? You earned this land!"
*
-->'''your friend''': That filthy whore Lightskirt Lanna is too good at what she does. She'll ruin me if she continues. You must help me drive her off!
-->'''you''': I didn't know your [husband/wife] was named Lanna.
*
-->"I was picked as a boy by Syrio Forel, First Sword to the Sealord," Eutimio says. "My whole life I was his student."
-->"Well, I was trained by Ser Hugo Flint," Jon says with mock pride. "My whole life he told me I couldn't fight my way out of a mousetrap."
*
-->'''Jayne''':"How long do you plan to stay?"
-->'''you''':"Not long, I assure you. You won't know I'm here."
-->Jayne glances around at the troupe of minstrels, guards, and advisors you have brought with you. "No, not at all."
*
-->Kalen Rask rises to leave. “I can see that you will not be reasonable.” This amuses you. “To declare yourself reasonable is an insult to reasonable people!”
*
-->'''you''':Surely the Imp is not taking the black...Is he?
-->'''Groat''':If he were, my [lady/lord], we would surely have heard. I shudder for the winesellers of King's Landing if such a thing did happen!
*
--> [assessing Eutimio for captainship]
--> "But Braavosi don't use horses," Groat points out. "Our guard captain has to ride. Can he mount anything other than our heir?"
*
--> Suggest Baelish express thanks with time at his brothel.
--> Baelish grins, "I'm certain the girls will thank you for bravely defending them. I know of four who wish to do so at the same time." Kirth murmurs, "Oh my."

* "Help! I've been tricked! [The prostitute he's fallen in love with] is a bear!" What were you expecting with a name like [[MeaningfulName Ursa Serene]]?
*
--> '''Rona''':[Your House] is still revered enough that any match is worthy of consideration. It is Odette's skill with a sword which concerns them.
--> '''you''': It concerns me as well. Any chance of breaking her of it?
--> '''Eutimio''': It may not be proper in Westeros, my [lord/lady], but it would be like taking a lute from your late cousin. A crime against nature.
--> '''you''': You never heard Kirth play, Eutimio. His lute would have been happier smashed.
--> Groat chuckles openly while your other advisors look away in awkward silence.
* You find out Kirth died wealthy... and the next day there is a mob of women with their babies at your gate, all claiming to have his child.
* Bonus quest ''Fantastic Pets'':
--> '''you''': Perhaps we need not expend such great effort for a reward...
--> '''Groat''': If I catch your meaning, my [lord/lady], then perhaps with some luck, the fabled cockatrice will be found at the nearest poultry farm.
--> '''you''': On an unrelated matter, might it be difficult to sew a snake's tail to a live chicken?