[[CatchPhrase Take it away]], [[FunnyMoments Funny page]]!
* "Duke of Prunes" from ''Music/AbsolutelyFree''.
--> ''And I know, I think, the love I have for you will never die . . . well, maybe.''
* "Call Any Vegetable" from ''Music/AbsolutelyFree''.
--> ''A prune isn't really a vegetable. CABBAGE is a vegetable.''
* "Harry, You're a Beast" from ''Music/WereOnlyInItForTheMoney''.
* "Let's Make The Water Turn Black"
* The cover of ''Weasels Ripped My Flesh''
* "My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama"
* "I'm the Slime" from ''Music/OverNiteSensation'', specifically the version featuring [[SaturdayNightLive Don Pardo]] doing vocals.
* "Dirty Love"
* "Wind Up Workin' in a Gas Station" from ''Zoot Allures''.
* "The Torture Never Stops"
* "I Have Been in You" from ''Music/SheikYerbouti''. Special bonus for the backing vocals simulating the unfortunate screams of the girl he's been in.
* "Dancin' Fool"
** Zappa was nominated for several Grammy awards, but the only one he actually won was for ''Jazz From Hell'', which although a fine album is hardly the greatest one he ever made -- still, of all the wrongheaded Grammy nominations he had, the most deserved of them was for his wonderfully dumb-ass singing on "Dancin' Fool".
* "Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?"
* "The Illinois Enema Bandit"
--> ''Aw, the pitiful screams / Of all those college-educated women . . .''
* "Broken Hearts Are For Assholes"
--> ''Don't fool yourself girl, it's goin' right up your poop -- chute -- ayayayay''
--> ''I'm pluckin' the ol' Dennil Floss / That's growin' on the prairie / Pluckin' the floss! / I plucked all day an' all nite an' all Afternoon. . .''
* "Teenage Prostitute"
* "Zomby Woof"
* The utterly insane backing vocals of "Be In My Video"
* "Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me?"
** The whole song is undoubtedly one of the funniest things Zappa ever wrote, but the version on ''Lšther'' has a bonus crowning moment; during a brief pause in the song, a guy in the audience shouts "Fuck you, Zappa!" Without missing a beat, Zappa shouts back "And fuck you too, buddy, you know what I mean? Fuck you very much!"
* This gem of a zinger:
--> '''Interviewer''': "Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?"
--> '''Frank Zappa''': "You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?"
* Adrian Belew doing a hilariously accurate BobDylan imitation on "Flakes".
** Not just that though, the whole song is hilarious. Especially these lines:
---> ''Well our toilet went crazy yesterday afternoon\\
The plumber he said never flush a tampoon.\\
This great information cost me half a week's pay\\
And the toilet blew up later on the next day-ay-ay.''
* The monologue at the start of "Cheepnis", where he sings the praises of SoBadItsGood movies in general, and ''Film/ItConqueredTheWorld'' inparticular. Doubly funny for [[MysteryScienceTheater3000 MSTies]]
* The "Don't Eat The Yellow Snow Suite", which gets gradually funnier as it progresses.
-->''"Whereupon I proceeded to take that mittenful of the deadly yellow snow\\
Crystals and rub it all into his beady little eyes with a vigorous\\
Circular motion hitherto unknown to the people of this area, but destined\\
To take the place of the mudshark in your mythology\\
Here it goes now, the circular motion, rub it!"''
--> ''You know, my python boot is too tight\\
I couldn't get it off last night...''
** The [[SurrealHumour poodle's recollection of a bizarre conversation he had with a man]], which the protagonist describes towards the end of the song, deserves a special mention.
* ''[[Music/JoesGarage Joe's Garage]]'' has a couple of these, including "A Token Of My Extreme".
--> '''Joe:''' ''Oh, oh, oh, mystical adviser''\\
''What is my problem, tell me, can you see?''\\
'''L. Ron Hoover:''' ''You have nothing to fear, my son''\\
''You are a latent appliance fetishist, it appears to me.''
** This song is followed by "Stick It Out", in which Joe begs one of the aforementioned appliances to have wild sex with him. [[RefugeInAudacity It's so outrageous that it actually manages to be funny]].
* Look here, brother, who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris!
** Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho? Don't you know you could make more money as a butcher?
*** "BUT I GOT ZE KRISTL BOL!" ...he said, and held it to the light!
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGIsuODglvc "There is no hell, there is only... France!"]]
* The [[ThrowItIn studio chatters]] that have made their way onto several albums are great little nuggets as well, some of which were even long enough to be separate tracks (see ''Sheik Yerbouti''). Some other classic ones are sprinkled throughout the ''Shut Up 'n Play Yer Guitar'' trilogy, such as this gem:
--> '''Terry Bozzio:''' It's gone!\\
'''Patrick O'Hearn:''' What, your talent for sucking?\\
'''O'Hearn:''' ''[[TakeThat Never.]]''
** Another classic one on the trilogy is the one that gives "Beat It With Your Fist" its title. Listen to it [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCDHh3kA3Og&t=100 here]], and check [[http://globalia.net/donlope/fz/lyrics/Shut_Up_%27N_Play_Yer_Guitar.html#Fist this]] out if you need a transcript.