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* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAT57K6ThTk This]] opening:
--> '''Ray''': Hey guys! I actually need to take a shit, so I thought it'd be fun to let TJ Miller host.
--> '''TJ''': I'm TJ Miller. I'm always just to the left of Ray in case he needs to take a shit.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f23bZrJFnNo GUURL THAT'S A BOOTY HOLE]] (it's actually a valve) on its own isn't that funny, but Ray makes a brick joke out of it in the episode right after it that's just hilarious.
-->'''Ray''': Now, I've recently moved in with Anna, and she might be a small girl, but every time she uses the toilet... BOOM!
-->'''Anna''': ''[off screen]'' Shut your hole!
-->'''Ray''': It's a valve, honey!
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rur_5gFq3bg I'M RECORDING MY HIT SHOW GODDAMMIT!!]]
* ''Guys I'm so excited! You know why? Cause Music/JustinBieber just turned eighteen! Unfortunately, that now makes him too old for me to date.
* "If you're just gonna run around being an abusive asshole than we're no longer gonna call you Buttermilk. We're gonna call you [[CrossesTheLineTwice dad]]."
* "Now my favorite part about [[https://youtu.be/rk_CUF0km94?t=2m57s this video]] is that people think it's real, but if you listen carefully you can tell the sound effect is actually coming off screen from the mom, who's punching the daughter in the face."
* "So a lot of good things happened in the eighties, you know, like, I was born... Probably nothing else memorable."
* "Man, I hate using those urinals. All those guys with their dicks out. It's like a beauty pageant for penises... And I always win cause my penis has one hell of a baton twirl.
* "HEY MAN! You can't just [[PercussiveMaintenance hit the machine like that.]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice It's not your wife!]]"
* "Sweetheart, you don't have to do all that stuff to get a guy to like you. All you have to do is... [[StayInTheKitchen dishes.]]"
* "Now I have a really cool grandma. Like, [[MyDadCanBeatUpYourDad my grandma could totally beat up your grandma]]."
* "This is the middle east, where there's a lot of sand, war and lack of women's rights; which is terrible because [[ComicallyMissingThePoint I really hate sand]]."

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