!Season 1
!! Episode 1: ShowWithinAShow:
* After talking to [[TheFaceless Mr.]] [[VoiceOfTheLegion Administrator]]:
--> '''Zack:''' [[TheDitz He seems nice.]]
--> '''Tom:''' Shut up Zack.
* The very first scene of the series, which includes Zack's HandPuppet.
--> '''Tom:''' Thank you, Zack, for ruining the 20th take.
--> '''Zack:''' You're welcome, man.
--> '''Tom:''' You're not sorry, are you?
--> '''Zack:''' Nah.
* "If you get near the front of the camera, I will stab you! I will actually stab you!"
* "You guys keep your dead cat in a box, too?"

!! Episode 2: FreudianExcuse
* "Putting pants on would be admitting defeat."
* "Aww, how tragic. Watch as my hatred turns to pity."
* "He's a butt! I hate him!"
* Tom on explaining his supposed [[BigLittleBrother ''older'' brother's age...]]
--> '''Tom:''' I didn't say he was older...
--> '''Zack:''' Hahaha! Tom's a loser!

!! Episode 3: TerribleIntervieweesMontage
* Heartfelt music playing as Dana tells Tom that she'll be his co-star because he sucks at his job, comparing him to a turd steaming on the carpet, that she needs to clean up.
* Zack's reaction to [[PsychoExGirlfriend Shannon]] bursting into the room and berating Tom and Dana.
-->'''Zack:''' Please don't eat me.
* Tom fending off one of the more ''enthusiastic'' interviewees as she said she was "Up for anything..."
-->'''Tom:''' Oh, oh, uh...nonono No!
* Eternal vigilance against "This Troper":
--> '''Mr. Administrator:''' A troper has just referred to himself in the first person. ''We'' [[FelonyMisdemeanor must make]] [[MakeAnExampleOfThem an example of him]].
* Dana finally getting fed up with Uncle Bill.
--> '''Dana:''' God, Next!
--> '''Uncle Bill:''' I thought we were just hanging out...
--> '''Dana:''' NEXT!!
!! Episode 4: DumbassHasAPoint
* Dana bringing the guys cold pizza when she returns from getting dinner. A really nice, friendly gesture. Except that there's only one small slice left in the box.
* Zack using BuffySpeak.
* "This is not unimpressive." "This is not me sleeping."
* [[StylisticSuck "That was unwatchable."]]
*
--> '''Tom:''' ''(to Dana)'' Look, if you keep assuming that someone can't do anything right, sooner or later, you're gonna be proven wrong.
--> '''Zack:''' Yeah!
--> '''Tom:''' God, I wish I had some duct tape right now.
--> '''Zack:''' Why?
--> '''Tom:''' ''To shut you up''!
--> '''Dana:''' To be a "dumbass with a point", you need to have a point, dumbass.
--> '''Tom:''' Trope still applies.
--> '''Dana:''' Does not.
!! Episode 5: UnresolvedSexualTension
* This gem:
-->'''Dana:''' So I could take my hair down and be all "HairFlip! HairFlip!" and you'd be like "Oh, that is so-super-sexy!".\\
[very long and awkward beat]\\
'''Zack:''' I'd do her.
* After Dana realizes Tom is flirting with her for insulting Zack.
-->'''Dana:''' Tom... *takes his hands, smiles fondly* I '''hate''' you.
* The gag of confusing their characters and themselves, especially:
--> '''Dana:''' Do we have sexual tension?\\
'''Tom:''' [Freezes like a rabbit in the headlights.]
* Just seeing Tom and Dana on the same bed, even though Dana already stated outright she dislikes Tom.
* "Bend over backwards to accomodate ''me''!"
* Also, "Why do you hate me?!"

!! Episode 6: PsychoExGirlfriend
--> '''Tom''': "I mean have you ''seen'' her [Shannon's] boobs, Dana?"
--> '''Dana''': "No, Tom. No, I haven't."
--> '''Tom''': "They're ''so'' good."

* And later:
--> '''Shannon''': "Shut up, you just don't know anything about love."
--> '''Dana''': "Oh no, my heart, she breaks. *Traces the outline of a teardrop down her cheek*

--> '''Tom''': "I was writing what I know."
--> '''Zack''': "Hah...that's why it's bad because you don't ah...you don't know a lot."

--> '''Zack''': "Hey Dana? I followed you all day with my camera because I love you."
--> '''Dana''': "That's nice, Zack." (goes inside)
--> '''Zack''': "Aww...why doesn't she like me? It's like she couldn't even ''see'' my boner!"

* On why Tom has suddenly become rather sanguine regarding Shannon.
--> '''Dana''': "So...your stalker friended me on Facebook, by the way."
--> '''Tom''': "Oh, you mean my Ex?"
--> '''Dana''': "No Tom, I mean your stalker. An Ex is someone you run into at parties and pretend not to notice. And this is ''waaay'' creepier than that."
--> '''Tom''': "Huh..."
--> '''Dana''': "What do you mean 'Huh'?! A few days ago you were scared shitless of this girl...what...What is there to think about? If a guy were doing this to me I'd..."
-->[Long {{Beat}}]
--> '''Dana''': "You started sleeping with her again, didn't you?"

!! Episode 7: WalkAndTalk
* At the beginning:
-->'''Tom:''' "Zack, I thought we were playing 'Shut the Fuck Up'."\\
'''Zack:''' "I always lose at this game!"
* This:
-->'''Zack:''' Wait, was [the guy from ''WesternAnimation/BluesClues''] the blue one, or was the dog??

!! Episode 8: RomanticFalseLead
* Zack talking about his dead cat in TheStinger.
*
--> '''Dana:''' Tom, find someone else. Date... someone else. Sleep with ''anyone'' else. \\
'''Zack:''' Not "it"!
* "Don't go, we still have more scenes to shoot! Also, I love you..."
* Dana's nickname for Shannon is "Crazyfuck [=McStalkerson=]".
* '''Zack:''' "Wait, is the pegleg like a stripper pole?"
*
--> '''Zack:''' Would you love me if I gave you candy? \\
'''Dana:''' No. \\
'''Zack:''' A unicorn? \\
'''Dana:''' ...no. \\
'''Zack:''' What about my undying love?

!! Episode 9: DidYouThinkICantFeel
* Zack's line at the end of the episode, referring to Dana and Tom:
-->....Just fuck, already... ''Jesus!''
* Or Zack's line at TheStinger:
--> "[Nervously] Why are you looking at me?"

!! Episode 10: MysteriousEmployer
* Zack wondering where the toilet is in the [[WhiteVoidRoom Administrator's domain]].
--> '''Zack:''' Well actually, I wanted to know where the bathroom i... \\
'''Administrator:''' [[SilenceYouFool SILENCE!]] \\
[Zack gulps]
* The Administrator getting mad at ''[[ButtMonkey Tom]]'' for Dana's lecture.
* The Zack sock puppet.
** Zack using the ''Dana'' sock puppet.
*
-->'''Tom:''' He got angry at ''me''. Why did he get angry at ''me''?
-->'''Zack:''' It's your face. I get angry just looking at it.
* Writing a new episode:
-->'''Tom:''' So, should we be arguing, or...?
-->'''Dana:''' No, we can't just be ''us''.

!Season 2
!! Episode 1: AlwaysSomeoneBetter
* People can't help but crack up whenever Ace says "gurt". [[spoiler: [[NotSoStoic Including the Administrator]]]].
* Dana and Tom trying to figure out how they should go about their second season.
-->'''Dana''': Ah success. You're a fickle slut.
* Tom literally tries to [[GrowingTheBeard Grow the Beard]]. Cut to Dana shoving him into the bathroom with a razor.

!!Episode 2: TheAce
* The CallBack at the beginning:
-->'''Tom:''' Where are we going?
-->'''Dana:''' Somewhere specific.
* Dana's reasoning for getting a new character.
-->'''Dana:''' Maybe we could have a {{Foil}} to you, [[TheAce someone who's good]] in all the ways you're... [[LoserProtagonist not]].
-->'''Tom:''' We're talking about my character, right?
-->'''Dana:''' [[BrutalHonesty ...no.]]

!!Episode 3: ADayInTheLimelight
* Zack's text message: "...kinda borrowed her car lolol how do i stop".

!!Episode 5: ChekhovsGun
* Zack's complete misunderstanding of what a Chekhov's Gun is, while Tom makes the understanding worse. It culminates in Zack pointing an actual gun at Tom, and runs off from him while he tries to take off a striped shirt, thinking it will kill him.

!!Episode 6: ForgottenBirthday
* Zack's present to Dana of his [[RunningGag dead cat in a box]].
-->'''Dana''': ''(Throws box away after looking inside)'' How long has that been dead?!?
-->'''Zack''': Do you mean in cat years or people years?

!!Episode 7: NoirEpisode
* The PrivateEyeMonologue, especially the one at the beginning.
* TheStinger. [[spoiler:Turns out it wasn't DeliberatelyMonochrome. Zack just couldn't find the color button.]]

!!Episode 8: TyrantTakesTheHelm
* Zach walking in on Umphrey in the toilet.
* A confused Umphrey putting his finger through one of the holes in the newspaper from last episode.

!!Episode 12: MindScrew
* At the end, [[spoiler:Administrator Prime and all his clones vanish]]... except for one, who then complains he "doesn't know how to do that."
* "Connecting to [[spoiler: Administrator Prime]]" .......404
--> '''Mr. Administrator:''' Curses. [[PunctuatedPounding Stupid. Proprietary. CHAT! CLIENT!]]


!Outside the series
!! From Zack's CharacterBlog [[https://twitter.com/#!/DeadCatInABox Twitter account]]:
* "Just finished washing Tom's car. He didn't think it was funny. (I did)... To be fair, I cleaned his car with my pee. And the windows were open. And he was in it."
* "I like bacon! Who else likes bacon? I like bacon in my nose! Who else likes bacon in my nose? Bacon. It goes in noses."
* "Just found the journal I kept when I was seven. Best quote: 'if i am what i eat i think i am boogers'"
* "How is there not already a Fishbook? You know... {{Facebook}} but for fishes? Why has this not happened?! D:"
* "Tom called Dana a matryoshka doll because she's so short (I guess?). Is there a taller Dana running around somewhere?"
* "Saw that scary girl Shannon again. She had her face mushed up against the window. I tried telling Tom but he threw crickets at me."
* "I think I might have maybe kind of almost set the bathroom on fire?"
* "I haven't seen Dave in a few days. I wonder if he got stuck in the sewer again. He likes to chase rats."
* "Carried my camera through the Batman set - somebody tried to take it. I came at him like a monkey!"
* "I found a penny on the ground! It was glued there, but I kept trying to pick it up anyway. Then I remembered I glued it there."
* "I drew a face on my toilet in Sharpie. It looks angry haha! But now I regret doing it. I feel bad. I really should have made it look shocked."
* "I wonder if Dana would want a present...specifically the wig I found on the side of the road today."
* "Have you seen TV Tropes's Echo Chamber? It's like a web show within a web show wrapped in bacon."
* "What? That's not how it happened! Now Tom's just making stuff up. He didn't even mention the thing with the bacon!"
* "Holy crap! I just realized bacon used to be pigs! How long has this been true? D:"
* "When I woke up, there was ANOTHER PINEAPPLE."
* "Pigs are made of TURKEY??! Then is a turducken really a pigducken? I'm so confused. And scared."
* "I wonder, if I leave bacon out, will it turn BACK into a pig? One way to find out!"
* "My fingernails taste like cookies :D"
* "Apparently you can retweet stuff? Wow! It's like technology and something else had a baby! (I couldn't think of a something else.)"
* "Asked dad about the earthquake. He said it happened because I touch myself :( How does he always know?"
* "Roadkill game: I lost score, but today I ran over a bottle of laundry detergent. Now dad's car is clean and pine-scented!"
* "We're out of bacon...worst day ever." "DAD BROUGHT HOME THE BACON! Worst day ever: averted."
* "Peanut butter is DELICIOUS."
* "Soooooo week old bacon does NOT become a pig again. It becomes a hospitalized Dave. Myth: busted!"
* "Ultimate challenge: Peanut butter and bacon. WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS BEFORE?"
* "Found Dave in a closet today. Figured there should be some kind of joke there but I just couldn't think of anything."
* "Did I always have this creepy troll doll in my underwear drawer? Where did it come from?!" #ohgodsoscared
* "I got halfway to middle school today before I realized I grew up. Then I woke up. Then I actually went to middle school. They made me leave."
* "Ha! I watched a pot today! It boiled! To be fair, it was already boiling. But I still feel like I accomplished something today."
* "Note to self: Red Bull does NOT give you wings. Remember that before you try to fly off your house next time, self. Ow."
* "Dad got a package labeled "BOMB". He didn't want to open it, so I did. Inside was a turd and a note saying "Ha ha". Thanks, Uncle Bill!"
* "Tom keeps sending me long lists of things I "need" to "do". Good thing God granted me a spam folder!"
* "Dana is talking so much I think she's on a sugar high or something."
* "Taught myself the marimba. Didn't have real drumsticks, so I used chicken drumsticks. The middle school janitor heard me and kicked me out."
* "We've got auditions tomorrow. Guess that means I should help Tom. No, wait that's the coffee talking."
* Halloween entry: "Tom says I should be myself today and that's scary enough. I told him to look in a mirror."
* "I can't tell if Tom is thinking or hit his head. He makes the same face for everything."
* "Tom's talking about music. I wish he'd stop humming. It's creepy."
* "I ENVY NO MAN! Only [[WesternAnimation/SpongebobSquarepants Spongebob]], and even then only occasionally."
* "It's too cold out to be sweaty. Also, my blood was replaced with red slurpie years ago."
* "I got tangled up in Christmas lights today and somebody thought I was a Christmas tree."
* "Apparently stuffing is *not* turkey poop. Good to know."
* "Christmas ornaments that look like cookies don't taste very good. Weird."
* "Roadkill game: I ran over a sandwich today. It was roast beef, so it's kind of like roadkill."
* "I wonder if this cranberry sauce is okay. It's starting to smell like my socks."
* "Note to followers: If you drop a banana on the floor, only eat it if you haven't peeled it already."
* "Fell asleep under a tree- somebody put me in a box."
* "My shoulders ache. Either I slept bad, or someone switched my arms while I was sleeping."
* "Chocolate comes in boxes, right? I think I found some chocolate in this old box on the sidewalk. It smells kind of bad, though. (later) Nope not chocolate. I think it was raccoon poop."
* "Dave is sick today. I'm going to cure him...with SCIENCE!"
* "I keep falling asleep under bushes and then birds try to nest in my hair. Kind of rude."
* "You know what makes ham sandwiches better? Taking the ham off, and the bread, and eating the cheese."
* "I was sick, but now I'm not! Time for cartwheels!"
* "What? A new comedy about an unemployed guy? I CAN RELATE."
* "Chocolate sauce and peanut butter sandwich. The question is not "Why" but "WHY ISN'T EVERYBODY DOING THIS""

!!From Shannon's CharacterBlog (found [[http://tvtropes.info/echochamber/ here)]]
* [[SmallNameBigEgo When will they understand that everything would be so much better if I were in it? And writing it? And directing it?]]
* The title of the first post is: ''My first blog post! Oh my god, I'm so talented!''
* Anything you can do...
--> Iím going to show him that no matter what that Dana girl does, Iíll do better. They want to have a fight by a pond? Well, he and I will have an even BIGGER fight by an even PRETTIER pond!
* Shannon appears to have gone right off the deep end of crazy:
--> [Following Zack] And how did he notice me in the first place, seeing as Iíve been wearing nothing but camouflage since the whole operation began? I might have to get my roller skates out of the closet so I can keep up with him.
----