* [[CrowningMomentOfFunny Crowning Moment Of]] [[IncrediblyLamePun Funky]]: The FUNKY DUCKMAN!
** "You put your down, down. You thrust your pelvis, huh! You thrust your pelvis, huh!"
* When [[TheChewToy Fluffy and Uranus]] get ''[[IAmAHumanitarian eaten]]'' by Duckman and are left traumatized by the end of it.
--> '''Fluffy and Uranus''': "[[MadnessMantra Please don't eat us, Please don't eat us, Please don't eat us, Please don't eat us]]"
** In another episode, Cornfed ends up having to drive cross-country with the duo. He rejoins the rest of the group, looking rather crazed and Fluffy and Uranus nowhere in sight.
--->'''Duckman:''' Glove compartment?
--->'''Cornfed:''' Tailpipe. And I paid the valet to run the engine an extra five minutes.
* From "Days of Whining and Neurosis", Cornfed is MrExposition on the Dr. Milo rehab center:
--> '''Cornfed''': As you'll see, they treat a wide variety of addictions here. Most often, however, they like to group patients by profession. For instance, this is the Entertainment Industry wing, Television Subsection. Child stars, writers over 25, development executives... actually someone ''else'' gets addicted for them, then they take credit for it. This special section is for celebrities actually addicted to checking in to rehab clinics. With this class of clientele, naturally, they run into scheduling problems. So they have "drive-thru rehab" for busy Type A's who just don't have two weeks to give up.
** When Cornfed introduces himself to the therapy group:
--> '''Cornfed''': My name is Dr. Gelman.\\
'''Duckman''': No you're not.\\
'''Cornfed''': Yes I am.\\
'''Duckman''': No you're not.\\
'''Cornfed''': Yes I ''am''.\\
'''Duckman''': What are ya talking about?! You're-\\
'''Cornfed''': (grabbing Duckman's bill) My name is Dr. Gelman, Dr. NATHAN GELMAN. ''Nobody'' knows me here, so I'm introducing myself!\\
'''Duckman''': Oh OHHHHHHH! Nice to ''meet'' you, Dr. Cornfed!\\
'''Cornfed''': (sighs angrily)
** Duckmans attempting to escape from the therapy group to go indulge in his various addictions, and Cornfeds increasingly elaborate attempts at keeping him there.
** Roulette, an expy of Andrew Dice Clay, is accused of murdering Dr. Milo:
--> '''Roulette''': What'd, they bus you in from a head injury ward? Milo made me confront my anger. Showed me it's wrong to hate those who are different than me except for homo, saggy-breasted women's libbers and those third world types with funny accents.\\
'''Cornfed''': Thank you, Roulette, for expressing what millions of white trash neo-Nazis would love to say if they could hide behind the First Amendment under the guise of comedy.
** When Bernice and the kids visit Duckman (though it's more to spot all the celebrities in the rehab clinic):
--> '''Mambo''': And here comes rock star Stash.\\
'''Charles''': People Magazine voted him most addicted man in America.\\
'''Stash''': ''(sounding exactly like Ajax)'' Hi, kids. Nice of you to come by and see your dod.\\
'''Ajax''': Whoa. Sounds like all those years of being fried really took their toll.
** Red Herring from MacGuffin Security deciding not to press charges against Duckman because "its enough punishment just being him".
** The list of therapy groups the resort offers, which includes ''sniffing bowling shoes''.
* From "Ajax and Ajaxer":
-->'''Duckman:''' Why, I bet a kid, [[AntiRoleModel thinking I was a role model]] and wanting to imitate my behavior, could easily steal sodas from a vending machine... too. ''DO IT! [[NoFourthWall Do it now, kids!]] Stick it to the man! [[EvilLaugh HAHAHAHA]]!!''\\
''(Cornfed is handed some Censor Notes)''\\
'''Cornfed:''' "But of course, [[AndThatWouldBeWrong that would be wrong]]."
* In addition to being awesome, Fluffy and Uranus' [[ClusterFBomb epic cuss-out of Duckman]] is just so jarring and [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness unexpected]] that it's hilarious.
** Earlier in the episode, the two are sleeping in a bunk bed with him, and hear a thumping noise, and their pupils immediately shrink to pinpoints. Turns out, he was playing with a ball and paddle.
* The various [[FutureMeScaresMe future versions]] of Duckman are hilarious simply because [[NoodleIncident you wonder what on earth led to his]] becoming a psychiatrist (or psychopath), a SassyBlackWoman version of himself, or getting an I-Beam lodged through his skull.
** At one point, JamesMadison drops in to clear up some points about the Constitution - Duckman is as shellshocked as the audience.
** [[NoIndoorVoice I'M NOT FROM ANY PARTICULAR TIME! I'M "SPEAKS UNNATURALLY LOUD DUCKMAN!" WHERE I COME FROM EVERYONE TALKS LIKE THIS."]]
* Ajax, in "American Dicks": "My dad swatted my face with a broom once. Of course, I was eating from the dustpan at the time."
* In the episode where King Chicken plans to get revenge on Duckman by educating Ajax so Duckman is no longer able to relate to him, Ajax can be seen giving a presentation on onomatopoeia. Later during a fight between Duckman and King Chicken that carries across the entire school, they end up crashing through a series of signs with the onomatopoeia for the sound effects that play written on them.
* This string from "Das Sub" when Duckman first meets the class he has to teach for community service:
--> '''Duckman''': You're lucky I never hit a lady who makes my Noam Chomsky.\\
'''Student 1''': Degrading sexist remark noted!\\
'''Duckman''': Ohhhhh yeah. Who's real ''now'', Dexter? This scene is real gone, baby. I am, into, it ''all'', dig? Ohhh, hep, ''very'', hep.\\
'''Student 2''': ....Do you need a shot of insulin or something?\\
'''Duckman''': I don't DO that crap. I'm clean. What are ''you'' into, hmmm? Shiners? Boom-booms? Rippos? Calistogan canoe wax? Sinuvian swamp weed? Latter-batter? Bud bugs? Spot foxy? Or is... booger-sugar your "lady"?
* In ''America the Beautiful'', Duckman and Cornfed search for a model named America, and her former boyfriends who represent different decades of history. When entering a place called Appleville, a black and white town representative of the 1950's, all of the color leaks out of Duckman and Cornfed.
-->'''Cornfed:''' [[DoubleEntendre It appears they don't allow people of color in this community.]]
* The beginning of ''Pig Amok'' when Cornfed arrives at the funeral.
-->'''Cornfed:''' [[SayingSoundEffectsOutLoud Pant pant, wheeze, deep breath.]] Pardon my tardiness ladies and gentlemen, I've been vomiting violently all morning, my septum is severely deviated, and I've already passed three- '''EEEEEYAAAAAAA!''' Four, very large kidney stones. Also I've got a bitch of an ice cream headache. Well, I'm sure if Harry could see how many of you came out on this solemn occasion, the first thing he'd say would be ''(Begins convulsing)'' honey horn dog! Butt...bongo ribbed and lubricated for that feel of real!
-->'''Cornfed:''' Ahem, I'm sorry, that was highly inappropriate. LOOOOIIIIN KING! Rear admiral! Squeal like a pig, '''REEEEE!'''
-->'''Cornfed:'''...So, uh, we are here in Harry Leibner's honor. On her! Off her! On her, off her, yee-ha, YEE-HA, '''YEE-HAAAA!'''...To share our memories. Memories, mammaries, great big swollen mammaries, meat melons, rib balloons, potent pigs from the past FOR 100 ALEX!
** Later in the scene: "MASTICATE MY HEART, MONKEY POGO!!!"
** Additionally, it's hilarious whenever Cornfed acts out-of-character and drops his usual deadpan demeanor, which he does in the episode ''Psyche'' as well, when offered a case in which he and Duckman have to date two [[GagBoobs ridiculously large breasted women]].
-->'''Cornfed:''' Duckman, we have to go. I need to learn how to awaken the sexual beast that lies dormant in every woman's soul, waiting to transform her into a creature of unbridled passion, pulling at me, tugging at me, yelling '''TAKE ME CORNFED, MAKE ME YOUR LOVE SLAVE!''' ''(Beat)'' You know, that sort of thing.
** After Duckman chickens out and bails on the mission...
-->'''Duckman:''' Did I miss anything?
-->'''Cornfed:''' We went back to their house.
-->'''Duckman:''' Their house!? Details, give me details.
-->'''Cornfed:''' A-frame. Two and a half baths. Exposed brick fireplace-
-->'''Duckman:''' No, you idiot! What happened!?
-->'''Cornfed:''' We played Twister. I lost. ''(Giggles)'' Beyond that, I am a gentleman. ''(Giggles harder)'' Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to help Clasette and Fantene learn why men focus on their bodies while they sponge-wash their car in cut-offs. ''(Giggles maniacally)''
* In ''In The Nam Of the Father'' Duckman shows up to work wearing a coat made from a baby seal pelt, ''with a baby seal head still attached to the shoulder''. Fluffy and Uranus scream in horror. [[CrossesTheLineTwice Then Duckman reveals he's also wearing underwear made from spotted owls]]
* The Mockumentary episode ''American Dicks'' is pretty much one long Crowning Moment, but a few special mentions are needed. For example, Duckman attempting to come off like an expert detective to the camera, while overlooking or ignoring ridiculously obvious clues and leads to the case of the episode, finding the kidnapped mayor of the city. Among other things, he doesnt notice a picture of the mayor being held hostage by baseball manager Lance Le Francis on a milk carton he's drinking from, and doesnt notice the mayor being dragged kicking and screaming into a van across the street until Cornfed points it out to him.
** Cant forget the interview the American Dicks cameraman has with Cornfed.
--> '''Cornfed''': Have you ever realized you were living in a deep dank abyss, causing you to roam the world for five years until you end up becoming the chef of a tibetan monestary?
--> '''Camera Man''': I just asked what kind of detective Duckman is
--> '''Cornfed''': Oh... I have some clothes in the dryer.
* "The Amazing Colossal Duckman" features Duckman growing to immense sizes as he gets angrier and angrier. Knowing this would get him out of the house, Bernice deliberately sets him off by things like stabbing his foot with a pitchfork and tying his fingers together. Thus, when Duckman says his goodbyes to his family and sets off for his self-imposed exile, [[TheDogBitesBack he flicks Bernice off the roof]].
** Duckman's parting advice to his sons consists of "There is nothing an ointment won't cure."
** After Duckman laments about how being gigantic has made him a freak, Gecko appears standing on his hind legs and smoking a bubble pipe, sayin "Are you?"
* In "Papa Oom M.O.W. M.O.W.", when three top-heavy women visit Duckman's office:
--> '''Woman''': What ''do'' you do here?\\
'''Duckman''': I look at breasts. Y-and I'm, I'm a detective. Heh heh. But, mainly the breast thing.
* Duckman attempting to comfort Miss Liebner at her husbands funeral in ''Pig Amuk''
--> '''Duckman''': Your husband was a good man who always put his family first. In fact, it was out of concern for you that he concealed his rampant homosexuality! The last thing he said to me was "Duckman, don't tell my wife" *the widow starts bawling* He was protecting you, he was afraid you'd think you drove him to it, but you didn't. He said he [[CrossesTheLineTwice stopped caring about you years before he even slept with a man!]] *Bernice smacks Duckman into a stained glass window*
--> '''Bernice''': There there, its alright. You can take some comfort in knowing that Duckman will be put in a box and buried six feet under some day too. ''Tonight maybe, after he falls asleep!''
* The conversation between Bernice and the twins that Duckman and Cornfed overhears with their spy equipment about why they have to use a laundromat.
--> '''Bernice''': The washing machine is broken. If I didnt know better I'd say someone tried to sit on it with the flaps open.
--> '''Mambo''': Why do I think this involves that deranged pervert who calls himself our father?
--> '''Charles''': Except its hard to imagine that he could sink any lower in his pathetic attempts at fulfilling his grotesque and unspeakable physical needs.
--> '''Duckman''': *back in the van* I cant belive they talk that way behind my back!
--> '''Corned''': Its what they say to your face.
--> '''Duckman''': I know! You'd think they could atleast mix things up a bit!
* "The Road to Dendron":
--> '''Duckman''': (to a woman) Do you know where I can find some hookers?\\
(the woman punches him in the face and walks away)\\
'''Duckman''': Hey, if you don't speak English, just say so!
* In "The Germ Turns", Duckman starts over-compensating for his lackluster parenting, and one big highlight is when he joins Ajax at football practice:
--> '''Duckman''': ''(shouting so loudly that the other players can hear)'' I agree with you, Ajax: Those other players are a bunch of brainless, knuckle-dragging bohunks who get over-excited about showering together because they were emotionally shattered when they found out their mothers do it for doughnuts! Well put, son!
* "The Gripes of Wrath", during the climax:
--> '''Duckman''': I didn't come up with any society. I just wanted better deodorant. You were the one who made up this whole new world. ''You'' screwed up, not me!\\
'''Bruvenheim''': Impossible! I am infallible!\\
'''Duckman''': I don't care what religion you are.