* Most of the movie. Patches, Steve, and White tend to generate these constantly.
* '''Patches:''' "You're about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop!"
** In the TV edit, he says, "poopie-flavored lollipop", which is just as funny (and gross).
* '''Patches:''' ''(to Gordon, during the training exercises)'' "You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!"
* If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball."
** "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."
* "Who's Steve the Pirate?" (later...) "Hey look, it's Steve the Pirate"
** Explanation: [[spoiler: He doesn't recognize Steve the Pirate when he's in his pirate costume, but instead during the one time in the whole movie that he's in normal clothing.]]
* "Fuckin' Chuck Norris."
** The director stated in the DVD commentary that he wishes he had a way to have that line play on repeat all throughout his house.
* Patches "...Bye Bye" I dont know why it just cracks me up
* When the Girl Scouts get disqualified and one of them walks up to the girl who caused it and says, "God damn you, Bernice!"
* After White introduces Fran to the Joes, who nails a guy across the bad room with a dodgeball.
-->'''Justin:''' ''I think that guy might really be dead!''
** Justin's violent spit-take too.
* The ever [[CloudCuckooLander offbeat thinking]] Pepper Brooks.
-->''Average Joes walk out in bondage gear''
-->'''Pepper:''' That's rad.
* Owen's rather strange way of trying to comfort the team [[spoiler: after Patches was killed by two-tons of irish irony]].
-->'''Owen:''' Well, it was probably the way he would've wanted to go.
-->'''Dwight:''' ... What?