!!The Film
* As the assassins begin their killing spree to close down the smuggling ring:
-->(Helicopter explodes)\\
"If man were meant to fly, Mr. Wint..."\\
"...He would've been born with wings, Mr. Kidd."\\
(The two hold hands and practically skip away together)
* Bond's introduction to one of the more ludicrously named Bond girls:
-->"I'm [[BigBreastPride Plenty]]."\\
"[[MaleGaze But of course you are]]..."\\
"Plenty O'Toole."\\
"Named after your father, perhaps?"
* "Well, I'm afraid you've caught me [[RagingStiffie with more than my hands up]]."
* Bond takes Plenty O'Toole up to his hotel room, only to find Blofeld's goons waiting for him. One of them throws Plenty out the window after she takes [[MsFanservice her clothes off]], and she lands in the pool wearing nothing but her purple high heels and her pink panties - with Plenty protesting from start to finish as her sexual humiliation is played for laughs ("I've got friends in this town!).
-->'''Bond''': Exceptionally fine shot, sir.\\
'''Henchman''' (genuinely stunned): [[AccidentalAimingSkills I didn't know there was a pool down there.]]
* While Blofeld is demonstrating his laser: "As you can see, it's currently over Kansas. Of course, if we destroy Kansas, the world may not hear about it for years."
** And then his suggestion that they destroy New York City because of all the smut and traffic, so "they can start anew."
** When Bond shows up, Blofeld dryly states "Surely you haven't come to negotiate, have you? Your pitiful little island hasn't even been threatened."
* The classic when Blofeld spots Tiffany with the copy tape stuck in her bikini bottom.
-->'''Blofeld''': Showing a bit more cheek than usual, my dear.
* Bond's introduction to [[WaifFu Bambi and Thumper]].
* When Bert Saxby tries to sneak up and shoot Will White, and is gunned down for his efforts:
-->'''Bond''': Saxby...
-->'''White''': ''Bert'' Saxby??
-->'''Bond''': Yeah.
-->'''White''': [[BondOneLiner Tell him he's fired!]]
-->''(Bond slowly turns, [[AsideGlance glancing straight at the camera]])''
* Bond is trapped in a pipeline with a rat, after having accidentally covering himself in Mr. Wint's perfume. James, to the rat: "Well, one of us smells like a tart's handkerchief. [sniffs] I'm afraid it's me. Sorry, old boy."
* Bond using the crane to turn Blofeld's "Batho-sub" into a wrecking ball.
-->'''Blofeld''': Lower! Not UP!
* The transition from Slumber, Inc. to a much-needed hot bath for James Bond:
-->'''Shady Tree''': Where the hell do you think you're going?\\
'''James Bond''': I hear that the Hotel Tropicana's quite comfortable. My condolences, gentlemen!\\
''[=[=]Morton Slumber slams the lid of the now-charred casket in disgust. Cut to Bond in the hot tub while on the phone with Felix Leiter]''\\
'''James Bond''': Hello, Felix. Oh, very comfortable.
* Earlier, before James Bond departs for Slumber, Inc. in the mortuary hearse with the waiting black suits, Felix Leiter does a courtesy inspection of the body to be burned and can't for the life of him figure out where the diamonds are. [[spoiler:After Bond tells him, he swaps the diamonds for some convincing phonies offscreen before authorizing the delivery of the cargo to Slumber, Inc.]]
-->'''Felix Leiter''': I give up. I know the diamonds are in the body, but where?\\
'''James Bond''': Alimentary, Dr. Leiter.
* "You don't just kill James Bond and wait for the cops to arrive!" Of course, Bond isn't really dead - he just placed his membership card to the Playboy Club onto a smuggler he was impersonating - but Tiffany's reaction is just priceless.
** For that matter, the fact a small-time smuggler would know Bond's identity is hilarious (though understandable, given he constantly introduces himself by his real name).
* When Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd trail Bond and Tiffany on the plane to Los Angeles, the latter quips "I must say, Miss Case seems quite attractive... for a lady." Wint turns to Kidd and gives a humorously disapproving look.
* The "brother" scene, as James Bond, disguised as Mr. Franks, is taken to Slumber, Inc. by black suits under the employ of its funeral director, Morton Slumber.
-->'''Hearse Driver''': The, uh, stiff... ''[clears throat]'' the deceased back there... your brother, Mr. Franks?\\
'''James Bond''': Yes. He was.\\
'''Random Black Suit''': I've got a brother!\\
'''James Bond''': ''[smiling]'' Small world.
* This subtle gem as Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd prepare their final attempt to kill an unsuspecting Bond and Tiffany with dinner aboard the cruise ship.
-->'''Mr. Kidd''': ''(After having timed a bomb inside a fake cake)'' This will only take a few moments, [[PreMortemOneLiner and then we will leave you in peace]].
* Not to mention the clever method by which Bond smokes out the two assassins at the dinner service.
-->'''Bond''': The wine is quite excellent. Though for such a grand meal, I'd have rather expected a claret.
-->'''Mr. Wint''': Of course, sir. Unfortunately, our cellar is rather poorly stocked with clarets.
-->'''Bond''': Mouton Rotheschild '''is''' a claret. ''(Mr. Wint adjusts his bowtie)''' And I've smelled that aftershave before, and both times, I've smelled a rat.
* While Bond is getting his briefing, he delivers a typical critique on the quality of the brandy being served - when he professes little knowledge on diamonds, M snorts "Refreshing to hear that there is ''one'' subject you're not an expert on!"

!!The Novel