For being a grim DarkFantasy game, even ''VideoGame/DiabloIII'' has it's moments of humor! (For funny moments in [[VideoGame/{{Diablo}} the previous games]], click [[Funny/{{Diablo}} here]].)
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* TheButcher:
--> ''"Vegetable bad! Meat Good!"''
--> ''"Zombie flesh good! Human flesh '''better!'''"''
* There is no cow level... [[spoiler:But there ''is'' a [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BgOeK72jSs pony level!]]]]
* Almost anything [[CloudCuckooLander Covetous Shen]] says or does.
--->'''Shen''': Do you think there is something to eat here? I am feeling hungry...
--->'''[[DeadpanSnarker Wizard]]''': Well, there are some decaying dead bodies everywhere.
--->'''Shen''': [[SarcasmBlind How do you think they taste? I have tasted food all around the world]]... Oh, wait. You weren't serious.
* The Witch Doctor's journal entry for the quest where you travel through the Caverns of Araneae:
-->[[SpiderSwarm So many spiders live within these caverns]]. [[NightmareFetishist I like it here]].
** Even better, check the entry you get after killing the Spider Queen. The Witch-Doctor admits he feels ''sorry'' he had to kill it.
* The following conversation between Tyrael and Lyndon (the Scoundrel) in Act IV:
-->'''Lyndon''': Tyrael, do humans and angels ever fall in love with one another?
-->'''Tyrael''': It has happened once before.
-->'''Lyndon''': [[TheCasanova So do you think I have a chance with Auriel?]]
-->'''Tyrael''': Never.
* Lyndon and Kormac's interactions are pretty funny. For instance:
-->'''Lyndon''': Wait. If the tomes of your order contain all these prophecies, why don't they know what place they ended up in?
-->'''Kormac''': What?
-->'''Lyndon''': They didn't even bother to read the damn things, did they? Otherwise, they'd likely know ''where to look.''
-->'''Kormac''': I...never thought of that.
* A bit of random conversation with the Templar:
-->'''PC:''' Did you have many friends at the order?
-->'''Kormac:''' We are ''[[BloodBrothers brothers]]''. It is a stronger bond than mere friendship.
-->'''PC:''' [[DeadpanSnarker I take it you did not have any friends, then]].
* Kormac's hopeless attraction to Eirena and Eirena's obliviousness makes for many funny moments:
-->'''Kormac:''' Are there any men who follow the Prophet?
-->'''Eirena:''' There are not. Do you wish to join us?
-->'''Kormac:''' I am sworn to my order.
-->'''Eirena:''' I am certain that my fair sisters would enjoy your company.
-->'''Kormac:''' [[SurvivalMantra My faith is my shield. My faith is my shield. My faith is my shield]].
-->'''Eirena:''' What ails you, templar?
* On the Southern Highlands, after defeating a cultist and the khazra ghosts he summoned, the player finds his journal:
-->Yes, with these heathens at my command, the kingdoms of the world shall bow to the might of... [[LargeHam THE LORD OF GOATS!]]
-->...I may have to work on the title a bit more.
* In the first act, it is possible to stumble on a "Forlorn Farm". Upon defeating the enemies there, you are invited into the cellar where a farmer and his wife hid. If you go down, you will find that [[DeadAllAlong the wife is long dead,]] [[NightmareFuel nothing but a desiccated corpse in a rocking chair]] [[BlackComedy whose head proceeds to fall off;]] the farmer may or may not be oblivious to this - each line from him is part of a HurricaneOfPuns, much to the dismay of the PlayerCharacter.
-->'''Farmer''': [''after the corpse's head topples off onto the floor''] Oh, she's nodded off.
-->'''Farmer''': My wife can't help with the planting and harvesting. She's nothing but skin and bones!
-->'''Farmer''': It can be dangerous in the wilderness. Being out this far scares my wife to death!
-->'''Farmer''': You wouldn't know it, but this basement gets right chilly at night. Cold as the grave!
-->'''Farmer''': You should have been there when I met my wife. I lost my heart and she lost her head.
-->'''PC''': [[LamePunReaction You must stop this now]].
-->'''Farmer''': I can't take all the credit. My wife handles the business side of things. She has a good head on her shoulders!
-->'''PC''': Hmm... Really?
* During Act III while a demon ambush is going on, the recruits are panicking. Their commander...not so much:
-->'''Recruit:''' Demons! Captain, what should we do?
-->'''[[SergeantRock Captain Haile]]:''' Private, if you need to be reminded which end of the sword goes where, you haven't been paying attention!
** And later:
---> '''Captain Haile:''' You there! Damotrius! Stop moping about! If this was your funeral I'm bloody well certain you'd have been told!
** And when you're battling demons with him in the Blaze of Glory event at Rakkis Crossing:
---> '''Captain Haile:''' Those worms have come up from behind! Bloody adorable! They're trying to ambush us!
* Also from Act III, when raising the last catapult from its moorings, your sole NPC aid comes from a grizzled lieutenant whose vinegar-laced "encouragement" straddles the line between hilarious and CrazyAwesome:
---> '''Lieutenant Clyfton:''' I'm sorry, catapult, I'm not strong enough to lift you on my own. Would you mind convincing my friend over there ''[[SuddenlyShouting to lend a bloody hand?!]]''
** Made even funnier after you finally get the damn thing lifted, and he becomes amazingly sheepish:
---> '''Lieutenant Clyfton:''' Done! I...uh...promised Captain Haile I'd watch my temper. Do me a favor and don't tell him that I shouted at you a little, all right?
* In Act I after rescuing Cain, you can stumble upon a conversation between a villager and a tired patron in New Tristram:
-->'''Villager''': You know what would take everyone's mind off their troubles? One of Theodas's great comedies.
-->'''Tired Patron''': I've seen one of them. Two men dressed as women, screeching at each other and tearing their bodices? [[SarcasmMode Oh, that'd cheer me right up.]]
-->'''Villager''': [[SarcasmBlind Glad to hear it. Rehearsal is in three hours!]]
* During Act III in the base area:
-->'''Little Boy:''' Stab those bloody demons in the arse!
-->'''Mother:''' Beryn!
-->'''Little Boy:''' I heard Captain Haile say that!
* In Act II, during the quest to collect the various parts of Zoltun Kulle:
-->'''Lyndon:''' People say ''I'm'' bad, but no one's ever had to imprison me and dismantle ''my'' body parts. A little context would be nice.
** When you reach Kulle's sanctuary.
-->'''Kulle:''' [[LargeHam Have you ever SEEN such a WONDROUS sight]]?
-->'''Barbarian:''' Yes. My people were the guardians of the Worldstone.
-->'''Kulle:''' ''(disappointed)'' Oh.
* When the old soldier and his wife at Bastion's Keep in Act III aren't being heartwarming, they're usually being funny instead. In particular, after one event they reminisce together about the time she was kidnapped by barbarians: the soldier describes how he was beside himself until they [[PityTheKidnapper returned her with an apology]], and his wife comments that their leader still sends her a bundle of hides every year and is the nicest kidnapper she's met.
** Later:
--->'''Soldier:''' Well, Marta. That Demon Lord is dead. Time to move on.\\
'''Marta:''' [[SeenItAll I'll go pack my knitting]].
* Kormac the Templar's truly [[LargeHam over-the-top reactions]] upon encountering [[EliteMook Elite Mooks]]. Made funnier when made against elites in [[spoiler:Whimsyshire, the land of unicorns, cuddly bears, flowers and happy clouds]].
-->BY ALL THAT IS HOLY! Do you see that enemy over there?!
* In the Caldeum Bazaar in Act 2, there are two kids (a boy and a girl) running around with their pet rabbit. They eventually make their way to an Iron Wolf in the center of the map, where the man kills the rabbit with his sword, splattering blood all over the ground. The boy and the girl then run in opposite directions, crying.
* Taking Lyndon through the bulk of Act 2 or 3. His endless complaints are rather amusing...helped greatly by his voice actor's excellent work.
* Eirena's SuspiciouslySpecificDenial in the Caverns of Araneae:
--> '''Eirena''': Do you ever feel like you are encased in webs and slowly suffocating in a lightless cave? Because I do not.
* And there's this little gem of conversation in Adventure Mode between Tyrael and Lorath Nahr:
--> '''Tyrael''': My stomach feels strange.\\
'''Lorath Nahr''': Did you forget to eat again?\\
'''Tyrael''': No. In fact, I decided to get the day's eating out of the way all at once. I kept at it until I couldn't take another bite.\\
'''Lorath Nahr''': Oh, it sounds like you ate too much then.\\
'''Tyrael''': Being a mortal is very complicated.
** After players noticed this conversation happening almost every time they went into town, it was reduced, with the patch note, "Tyrael will discuss his digestion with less frequency."
* Veteran Demon Hunter Greyscarr never shows up in the game proper, but the flavor text for some of the Demon Hunter's abilities imply that he has a [[DeadpanSnarker wicked sense of humor]].
--> '''Blood Vengeance''': ''If it bleeds you can kill it. Kill this one slowly.''
--> '''Archery''': ''Feel the weight of the crossbow in your hand. Now... the wind, the distance, the target's speed. Good. Now try it with blood in your eyes and a demon at your throat.''
--> '''Sharpshooter''': ''Every creature has a vulnerability. Find it, and put an arrow in it.''
--> '''Ballistics''': ''How should I know who first invented these devices? Just make sure the correct end is pointed at the enemy and they'll do the rest.''
* In ''Reaper of Souls'' the player encourages Kormac to tell Eirena how he feels about her. Kormac does by asking her if she'd like to continue adventuring by his side after the current quest is over. Eirena excitedly tells him yes. And then she tells Kormac that she feels as close to him as she did to her sisters. Kormac is... less than thrilled when she says that.
* An Act 1 conversation with Myriam Jahzria, the Mystic (an NPC added for ''Reaper of Souls'') [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall leans on the fourth wall]]:
--> '''Mystic:''' I see a village in flames, and an old friend will pay the ultimate price so that the truth may be revealed.
--> '''PC''': (who has probably played through this part of the game several times by now) I know this already.
--> '''Mystic''': Really? How do ''you'' know?
--> '''PC''': Ah...never mind...
* Some of the legendary items can earn a good laugh if you catch the reference they're making. For example, the Bottomless Potion of Kulle-Aid, which lets you [[ThereWasADoor break through the walls that wallers make]]. The best part is the flavor text:
--> Oh, yeah!
* When Imperius begrudgingly agrees to [[spoiler:[[EnemyMine help you defeat Malthael]]]] in ''Reaper of Souls'', he coldly informs you he won't thank you, even if you succeed. Most PC answer with an equally cold answer. The Wizard, on the other hand?
-->"[[DeadpanSnarker I didn't expect you to; it's part of your charm, after all.]]"
* The Monk's journal entry after helping and recruiting Lyndon the Scoundrel. It consists of only one line:
-->'''Monk:''' I have helped Lyndon. [[LetUsNeverSpeakOfThisAgain I will not speak of it again.]]
* In Bastion Keep, a young couple can be heard talking in between quests. Eventually, the woman tells him that, when everything is over, they should start a family, with children and everything. The soldier doesn't know how fast he should go back to the battlefield. One would rather face TheLegionsOfHell than talk about children, after all.
** Later on, he admits he was an idiot and he would gladly start a family. Then, when the siege is lifted and all the soldiers can finally get some rest, they have this conversation:
--->'''Soldier:''' It's all come down to a single fight, and I don't even get to be there!\\
'''Wife:''' Good, you could use some sleep.\\
'''Soldier:''' But I'm not even tired!\\
'''Wife:''' ''(*seductive*)'' You could use some sleep...\\
'''Soldier:''' Oh!
* While seeking for the first sword piece in Act I, Lyndon lampshades the light coming out of cave entrances.
-->'''Player:''' This magic is familiar to me. This must be where the sword piece fell.\\
'''Lyndon:''' Either that, or the goatmen have built one hell of a bonfire.
* The Monk's journal entry upon encountering Covetous Shen:
-->That barrel is talking.
* The Barbarian trash-talking the cowardly (former) mayor Holus of New Tristram in the beginning of Act III is hilarious.
-->'''Holus:''' Please escort me out of here! I will pay anything!\\
'''Barbarian:''' Keep complaining, and I will escort you to the nearest catapult. The demons will know true fear when they see your fat carcass hurtling down on them.
* There's just something hilarious in how the Crusader uses the phrase "have words" as a [[http://i1293.photobucket.com/albums/b589/UAnchovy/havewords_zpsd43a70d7.jpg euphemism for killing people]]. The sheer {{Understatement}} inherent in their reaction to hearing Demon Lord Belial has taken over Caldeum - promising to "have words with him" - is just plain hilarious.
* Eirena and the Male Crusader discussing Kormac's odd behavior.
-->'''Eirena:''' Has Kormac's behavior seemed strange to you?
-->'''Crusader:''' Well he has taken a few blows to the head. Why do you ask?
-->'''Eirena:''' Well I am just worried I have said something to offend him.
-->'''Crusader:''' Hmmm...maybe. You best go talk to him right away.
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