* The "penis cookie" scene.
-->'''Smoochy:''' (''gears in his head spinning rapidly as he sees just what the cookies are shaped like'') Oh... Oh! Oh... my! It's a... uh... it's a... it's a... it's a... IT'S A ROCKET SHIP!
** Randolph's enraged rant in which [[HurricaneOfEuphemisms he tosses around penis euphemism after penis euphemism like grenades]]. In front of children who just laugh.
--->'''Rainbow Randolph''': What are you, blind?! It's a cock! It's not a rocket, you sick fuck! It's a cock! Look! It's a cock and balls! It's a dick! Chorizo and the Huevos! It's a big stiffy! Yeah! It's a PENIS! Penis Maximus! A willy! A weenie! Mr. Jiggledaddy! A wang! The One-Eyed Wonder Weasel, don't you see that?! It's Jimmy and the Twins! Rumpleforeskin! He made it! He made this thing, it's made from dildough!
** Immediately after he gets escorted out, Randolph remarks, "I'm Rainbow [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] Randolph, and [[TemptingFate I know the way out-]]", before immediately falling down the stairs and slamming straight into the wall and spitting out a tooth.
** The TV edit makes it funnier: After Randolph asks "What are you, blind?!", the scene cuts to him being roughly shoved out of the door.
* There's also Randolph crash-tackling the man asking for donations to "Save the [[BerserkButton Rhinos]]!"
* "When my brothers and I played cowboys and Indians, [[TakeAThirdOption I was always the]] [[ChineseLaborer Chinese railroad worker]]." Totally different caliber of joke from the rest of the movie.
* The looks Stokes give Burke when Buggy goes all narcoleptic at the salsa bar. It's like "Seriously? This it the guy we're counting on?!"
* "You got da hammer, Roy?" "I always got me hammer, Tommy."
** Also pretty much every line from the Irish Mob.
--->''(Bang bang bang bang bang)''\\
'''Randolph''': ''(laying on the couch with an ice pack on his head)'' I'm trying to sleep, asshole! Read the fucking meter another time!\\
''(The Irish Mob kicks his door down)''
** (at Spinner's funeral) Tommy: "All right, boys. Let's go pray and get shit-faced."
* This:
-->'''Randolph:''' She's right, you've got to keep your dignity intact -- (''spills coffee on himself'') -- OWW! MY BALLS! They're on fire!
* Tommy: "You must know some fairy tales then. Hey, Donny! Tell him the one about the worthless prick who gets his head chopped off with an ax!"
* The mere idea that Merv Green and his children's hospital charity aren't even strictly associated with an organized crime syndicate; they're just so corrupt that they are de facto mobsters.
* Randolph's surprise phone call to Sheldon (who doesn't recognize his voice):
-->'''Randolph''': You better grow eyes in the back of your fucking head, you horned piece of shit, because I'm not gonna sleep until worms are crawling up your foam-rubber ass! I'm goin' on safari, motherfucker! SAFARI! ''(mimics elephant trumpeting)''\\
'''Sheldon''': ... Well, how do you like that!
* When the cops assist a rather shaken Randolph:
-->'''Cop''': Are you okay?\\
'''Randolph''': I dunno; I'm kinda fucked up in general, so it's hard to gauge...
* When Randolph leads Sheldon to what he thinks is a gig for children, the look on Sheldon's face [[spoiler:when he finds out it's a neo-Nazi rally]] is priceless, it just shouts OhCrap. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dO-X63ZoDzI A link can be seen here.]]
-->'''Sheldon''': ''(metaphorically about to crap his pants)'' I hope I'm dreamin'.
** A comment in the thread of said link is both funny and [[SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments shockingly heartwarming]].
-->“Smoochy is so wholesome even [[spoiler:Nazis]] love him.”
** [[spoiler:"Heil Smoochy!" "Heil Smoochy! Heil Smoochy! Heil Smoochy!"]]
* "Hey, little nipple-nibbler! The rhino's a [[spoiler:Nazi]]!"
** Shortly afterwards, Randolph's victory lap ends with him slamming into a brick wall.

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