* The "penis cookie" scene.
-->'''Smoochy:''' (''gears in his head spinning rapidly as he sees just what the cookies are shaped like'') ...IT'S A ROCKET SHIP!!!
** Randolph's enraged rant in which he tosses around euphemism after euphemism for "penis" like grenades. In front of children who just laugh.
* There's also Randolph crash-tackling the man asking for donations to "Save the Rhinos!"
* "Hey, little nipple-nibbler! The rhino's a Nazi!"
* "When my brothers and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the [[ChineseLaborer Chinese railroad worker]]." Totally different caliber of joke from the rest of the movie.
* "You got da hammer, Roy?" "I always got me hammer, Tommy."
** Also pretty much every line from the Irish mob.
-->'''Randolph:''' She's right, you've got to keep your dignity intact -- (''spills coffee on himself'') -- OWW! MY BALLS! They're on fire!
* And when asked if he's all right after stopping a sniper from killing Smoochy: "Well, I'm pretty fucked-up in general, so it's kind of hard to gauge."
* Tommy: "You must know some fairy tales then. Hey, Danny! Tell him the one about the worthless prick who gets his head chopped off with an ax!"
* Randolph's surprise phone call to Sheldon (who doesn't recognize his voice):
-->'''Randolph''': You better grow eyes in the back of your fucking head, you horned piece of shit, because I'm not gonna sleep until worms are crawling up your foam-rubber ass! I'm goin' on safari, motherfucker! SAFARI! ''(mimics elephant trumpeting)''\\
'''Sheldon''': ...well, how do you like that!