* CrowningMomentOfFunny: Jack [=McCall=] haplessly trying to recreate an insult he was handed by Wild Bill to another poker player.
* "[[WhosOnFirst NOT WU, WHO,]] YOU IGNORANT FUCKING CHINK!"
* The scene after Al "promotes" Johnny to being a Road Agent. Al's talking to Dan about it, when Johnny comes down the stairs.
--->'''Johnny:''' Hey, Al. Any reason I can't share with Dan what you told me about me taking over for Persimmon Phil? ''(Note that Dan is standing right there)''
--->'''Al:''' Yeah. Keep Dan in the dark.
--->'''Dan:''' Hey Johnny. What's new?
--->''(Johnny looks at his feet.)''
* The swatches scene with the German tailor. To say more would ruin it.
* "Among humans, for grip, the China-woman's snatch has no peer. In all nature, the python is its only rival, though few have lived to tell the tale..."
* "I will profane your fucking remains, E.B... Gabriel's trumpet will produce you from the ass of a pig."
* Al's near perfect impression of E.B.
* Jimmy the opium courier [[PottyFailure soiling himself]] after Al punches him.
* E.B. advising some new arrivals to "not look to your left as you egress," if they're religiously inclined, as Richardson is doing a Pagan-like ritual with the antler Alma gave him.
* "THE TIT-LICKER!"
* Everyone trying to work out what to put in the paper about the small pox
-->Merrick: "The vaccine will be distributed gratis."
-->Al: Free gratis.
-->Merrick: Free gratis is a redundancy.
-->EB: Does that mean 'repeats itself'?
-->Al: Then leave gratis out.
-->Merrick: What luck for me Al, that you have such a keen editorial sense. "Free. Distributed Free. Period."
* Swearengen tries desperately to get the Chinese pig farmer to explain who stole his opium. The only English the Chinaman knows is "Cocksucker!" The conversation radically goes off the rails.
* Calamity Jane encounters a man dying of the plague that will soon hit Deadwood, and rapidly grows tired of the only thing he can say.
--> Man: I 'pologize . . .
--> Jane: SHUT THE ''FUCK'' UP!
** From that same scene, her yelling "ARE YOU DEAD?" at him.