* Face it, you were laughing when you saw the trailer and at the end, in ''complete seriousness'', the text "'''COWBOYS AND ALIENS'''" appeared on the screen.
* Jake and Ella, after getting out of the river. "We were [[spoiler: flying]]. I don't want to do that again."
* Jake casually hitting Percy in the nuts. Actually, anytime Jake casually kicks someone's ass.
** Or anytime Percy gets his spoiled butt whooped.
*** "Give me your hand, I can get us out of here" *breaks thumb*
* "...Well I don't know much about boats, but I think that one's upside down."
* The bandit that keeps trying to suck up to Jake.
** That's nothing, Jake has no clue who the man is so his first instinct is to punch him and put on the tough guy act. Just after he punches the bandit Dolyerhyde gives him a look that says "Why'd you do that?" All Jake can do is shrug as if to silently say "It's the first thing I could think of."
** The fact that that same bandit gives him back his gun before he runs off and says that Jake is "still his favorite".
* The preacher teaching Doc how to shoot. "It's not your pecker, don't tug at it."
* The Mexican bandit aiming his gun at Doc instead of Ella. "He said to aim at the whore."
** Doc gets his revenge by (clumsily) stealing his gun and aiming it at him.
* When Ella [[spoiler: kisses Jake]] to get him to stop thinking. Doubles as a CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming and a TearJerker [[spoiler: since it's their first and only kiss]].
* "Don't look at the light." (gunshot) "I told you not to look at it!"
* Not actually in the movie, but this is the second time aliens have invaded Earth for gold. Although it didn't work at all for Film/BattlefieldEarth.
** Which gets a hilarious lampshade by Dolarhyde when this is revealed.
-->''"Well, that's ridiculous! What are they gonna do, buy something?!"''
* The look Lonergan gives Dolerhyde after the latter panics and accidentally shoots the first downed aircraft when it sparks suddenly. [[JawDrop His mouth is open in a perfect little 'O']].
** Just before that...
--> '''Dolerhyde''': What is that thing?
--> '''Lonergan''': Why you asking me?
--> '''Dolerhyde''': Because you shot it! (''point to the bracelet'') What that thing, where'd you get that thing?
--> '''Lonergan''': I don't know.
--> '''Dolerhyde''': What do you mean you don't know?
* When Jake and the others run into Jake's old posse, and he tries to play like he isn't an amnesiac. The bewildered looks he gets from all sides are what make it.
** Or just before: "This is what we like to call a 'HOLD-UP'! Welcome, everybody, welcome!" *doffs hat*
* Dolyerhyde and the Indian chief, arguing around the camp fire until Doc gets them both to shut up.
--> '''Doc''': Enough! alright! You're both big men great warriors! Can we just let the woman tell her story?