!''Company of Heroes''
* Here's a collection of funny quotes for [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mwJaQCf6to Company of Heroes]]...
** ...And here's a collection of funny quotes for [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaF_dkuGLjE Company of Heroes 2]].
* Whenever a unit drops a ClusterFBomb, [[OhCrap panics at the sight of superior force]], [[JoinTheArmyTheySaid gripes about the conditions of the war in general]], [[WhatTheHellPlayer calls out the actions of the player]] ([[StopPokingMe especially if they click him too many times]]), [[BreakingTheFourthWall Breaks The Fourth Wall]], [[TakeAThirdOption or does any combination of the above]], odds are it's sidesplitting.
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3azxIAWJdh0 Tune in here]] to [[PoirotSpeak listen to]] [[JustAStupidAccent the funniest lines of]] ThoseWackyNazis - [[NoSwastikas oops, I mean "Those Wacky Germans"]].
--> [[SeriousBusiness WAR is a SERIOUS matter!!]] '''[[PrecisionFStrike FUCK]]''' [[StopHavingFunGuys YOU!!!]]
--> Yes sir, ''yes'' sir, ''YES'' sir, '''FUCK OFF, SIR!!!'''
* Nearly all of the StopPokingMe lines each unit has. To give some examples:
-->''"Gunner! [[TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou Point the turret up at that camera in the sky!]]"''
-->''"[[BreakingTheFourthWall Go back to the main menu]], [[EasyModeMockery and try out the tutorial]]."''
* Airborne Paratroopers Take It Up To Eleven, especially if you poke them in the middle of a battle.
--> "AIRBORNE! Wanna go blow up HQ!?"
--> "You click me one more time and I will FUCKING smoke you."
--> "DOES YOUR MAMA KNOW YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT!?"
* Ordering infantry ''without'' anti armor weapons to attack armored vehicles tends to give some hilarious WhatTheHellPlayer responses.
-->'''American Infantryman:''' ''"[[LeeroyJenkins Those tanks aren't so scary!]] (Quickly whispers to player) [[WhatTheHellPlayer Sir, are you fucking drunk?]]"''
-->'''German Sniper:''' ''([[DeadpanSnarker Utterly Deadpan)]] "[[GratuitousGerman Jawohl]]. [[ViolationOfCommonSense Attacking their armor... with my rifle]]."''
* A cut scene in the second mission for the Americans has this amusing conversation between a Wehrmacht Grenadier and his squad mate.
-->'''Squad leader:''' ''Hans, your coffee sucks. I'm not drinking this crap!''
-->'''Hans:''' ''I'm not your mother you asshole, make your own goddamned coffee!''
* Some of the Volksgrenadier quotes in battle are quite hilarious, with the squad leader bemoaning the [[SurroundedByIdiots sheer incompetence of his squad.]]
-->'''Squad Leader while in combat:''' ''Volksgrenadiers God damn it! Try '''ACTUALLY''' aiming!''
-->'''Squad Leader, again in combat''' ''Volks for the love of God, stop embarrassing yourselves!''
** The Germans in general are hilarious.
-->"Reinhard? Fart into the radio!" "Yes sir!" *pptht*
-->"Panzerschreck! Time to UNPIMP HIS RIDE!"
-->''(in a calm jovial tone)'' "First class battle taxi. Driver! A reichsmark extra if you turn around and head for fucking Germany."
-->''"You think you get a tip for dropping us off in combat?!"''
* The description to ''Gilroy's Harbor'', a multi-player map in first ''Company of Heroes''.
--> The residents of Oye swore they would rename their small harbor in honor of the first Allied soldier to liberate them. Lucky for them, [[WhatCouldHaveBeen Private Gilroy was one step ahead of]] [[UnfortunateNames Corporal Butts]].
* American infantrymen sometime complain if you order them to build sandbags or deploy barbed wire.
-->'''Soldier''': [[NotWhatISignedUpFor I didn't come all the way to Europe to do this.]]
-->'''Soldier''': [[PrecisionFStrike Sandbags completed, if I see one more bag of fucking dirt...]]

!''Company of Heroes 2''
* When infantry squads get wiped out, your announcer will tell you that. While that happens playing as the Russians in ''2'', he'll sometimes say so... [[{{Beat}} and add a second later]] [[NoSympathy that their clothes and weapons belong to the State]].
** If infantry freeze to death while playing as the Russians in ''2'', you may hear the announcer complain that if your troops freeze to death, [[WeHaveReserves they cannot die fighting the enemy]], pretty much in those exact words.
** When you upgrade the Russian headquarters to have medics around it, the announcer will occasionally have his announcement accompanied by stressing "... but only for those who are ''seriously'' wounded!"
* Selecting a Conscript squad on a winter map occasionally has them respond "... I think I have snow in my pants." said quietly, as if you've interrupted him talking to himself or his squadmates.
* In ''2'', the tutorial video narrator delivers this gem in the Cover and Flanking Tutorial video:
-->''"You will undoubtedly hear [[ClusterFBomb a lot of F-words]] on the battlefield, but the most important one is '''Flank'''."''
* What a Grenadier squad in ''2'' may say when they get promoted:
-->''"I know we have been promoted but does that include a pay raise?"''
* German mortars crews in ''2'' can respond to being promoted with "Apparently, we've been promoted!", doing a LampshadeHanging of how rather video game-y the veterancy system is in relation to indirect fire squads that (ideally) avoid ever personally seeing the enemy.
* Ordering a Pak 40 crew to move in ''2'' may have its squad leader yell out:
-->''"We [[EatTheDog ate the horse]], remember? Get pulling!"''
* German idle chatter in ''2'' occasionally mentions that the Americans keep complaining about Pioneer spam, an infamous multiplayer strategy in the first game.
** Another piece of German chatter comes from one of them mentioning that [[CallBack Hans has been transferred to France... and how glad they are that means they don't have to deal with his coffee.]]
* Grenadier squads in ''2'' ordered to attack-move can say:
-->''"Fire at will, '''but not at Wilhelm''', he owes me money."''
* One of the OhCrap lines from a Soviet Conscript in COH2 facing a [[PyroManiac Flamethrower]] is "'''[[OhNoNotAgain I'm getting TIRED of this SHIT!!!]]'''" Makes you wonder how many times he had faced a flamethrower before being recruited into your army.
** Likewise, when being shot at [[MoreDakka by a machine gun]], he may scream "[[PunctuatedForEmphasis I.]] ''[[ItsXIHateX Hate!]] '''[[SkywardScream MACHINE GUUUUUUUUUUUNS!!!]]'''''"
* When destroyed, the commander of the Russian Scout Car may express regret for having been the FragileSpeedster of the Red Army.
-->''"I should have been a tankist!"''
* In ''2'', it turns out that the Commissar which appears at your headquarters while Order 227 is active is aptly named 'commissar_of_death_227_mp' in the game's code.
* In ''2'', ordering panzerschreck infantry into a building:
-->''"I KNOW it's technically impossible to shoot a Panzerschreck from an enclosed position. Don't read the [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] manual next time, and you won't care so much!!"''
* A lot of the battle chatter from the Wehrmacht units can be quite chuckle worthy.
-->''"Machine gun has us pinned! Any lower and I'm going to be fucking this ground!"''
-->(after scoring a kill) ''"We've gave them the chance to surrender!... did we?"''
--> ''"Antitank gun is firing! Hey assholes! We're Panzer GRENADIERS! Not PANZERS!"''
* One random bit of German infantry chatter has him sum up the Hell of the Eastern Front with a simple, elegant poem.
--> ''"[[RosesAreRed Roses are red, Violets are blue,]] I'm stuck on the Eastern Front,'' ''and so are'' '''[[PrecisionFStrike fucking]]''' ''you!"''
* ''2'' also continues the tradition of having hilarious chatter for the German troops.
--> ''"He chewed me out for not saluting, but I had my hands full. I thought he was being a real prick..."''
--> ''"The regimental doctor inspected the battalion and found that everyone had The Clap. Even Reinhardt, and I'm pretty sure he's a virgin."''
--> ''"Ostfront, fucking hell. I'll give anything to fight the Westerners. Those Americans are always [[TakeThat complaining about Pioneer spam]]."''
--> ''"When the T-34 first appeared it was very intimidating, and then we realised the Soviets couldn't shoot or drive for shit."''
--> ''"For two hours they shelled us with artillery, and not with the little shit either. No, I'm talking the big stuff, 152s and 203s. My balls still haven't came back down."''
--> ''"We shot at that T-34 57 times with that little 37mm, '''57''' times, and they still couldn't find us! They finally surrendered, I guess they got a headache and gave up."''