''See also: Funny/UpInSmoke, Funny/CheechAndChongsNextMovie and Funny/NiceDreams''.

!!Concerts and albums
* "[[BerserkButton D-A-V-E! Will you open up the goddamn door?!?]]"
** "Dave's not here!"

* The Man (Chong) admiring the interior of Pedro (Cheech)'s car:
--> It's like we're in a giant pussy, man!

** Pedro and the Man get pulled over by the cops when they're stoned. Pedro tries to talk to the cop while Chong is eating all of their drugs. Pretty much everything Cheech says is hilarious.
-->"My license? On the bumper!"
-->[Showing his driver's license to the cop] "Here's your momma."
-->[Chong throws up in Cheech's lap right after the cop asks what his name is] "Uh, his name is ''RAAAAAALPH''".

* Chong plays Bob, a contestant on ''Let's Make A Dope Deal''. Cheech is the host:
-->"''[[RealisticDictionIsUnrealistic What.]]'' [[RealisticDictionIsUnrealistic Is]] ''[[RealisticDictionIsUnrealistic your]]'' [[RealisticDictionIsUnrealistic name?]]"

* Chong is an old man in the park. Cheech is a punk:
-->'''Punk:''' You could be ''my'' daddy?
-->'''Old Man:''' Sure, [[BestialityIsDepraved I used to fuck buffalo]]. In fact, [[TakeThat you look just like your momma]].

* Harry (Chong) & Margaret (Cheech) watching a porno movie:
--> '''Harry:''' "She looks an awful lot like your sister, Ethel...hey, that ''IS'' goddamn Ethel! Same goddamn mustache and everything! She's taking off her clothes...no, that ain't Ethel."
--> '''Harry:''' "She's ''feeding'' the goddamn thing! Hey, Margaret, look, it eats grapes!"
--> '''Harry:''' "This movie just got disgusting. They brought in [[RacistGrandma a goddamn colored guy]]...C'mon, Margaret...[[DoubleEntendre are you coming]]?"

* Red Neck: "Gonna tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree"
-->How do you jack off a dinosaur?
-->How can you tell what time it is by grabbing a donkey's balls?
-->What do you get when you cross a {{Leprechaun}} with a whore? Little bitty fucker.

!!Movies

* In ''Things Are Tough All Over'':
** "[[HilariousInHindsight Fantastic! I love it!]] [[{{Saw}} We make movie of me killing them!]] [[{{Hostel}} Ah, it'll be in color, so we see the blood!]]"