* [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=21877#p21877 A woman discovers the relationship between an asari and her 'VI assistant.']]
* [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=19379#p19379 In the same vein, Inconspicuous Organic describes his relationship with his goldfish]]
* [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=11160#p11160 Quint throws contact hallucinogens at people during a party.]] [[HilarityEnsues It splashes on TSS, Hok, Desrevni]], [[HoistByHisOwnPetard himself]], [[OhCrap two C-sec officers]], and ''[[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=11180#p11180 Zoftan.]]''
--->'''Zoftan:''' Noneuclidean sandwich tassels: Oh. Oh wow. What just happened.
--->*Zoftan stares at a plate of hot wings*
--->'''Zoftan:''' Delicious gladiator souffle: It's so pretty.
* [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=228086#p228086 The “Dynasty Maker” storyline]], [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=852 its finale in particular.]] For context, note that the show in question is a reality program for salarians, in which the grand prize is the contractual right to have a child.
* Two volus challenge each other to [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=1307&start=50 MAN-TO-MAN COMBAT.]]
* [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/?p=583 This]] April Fool's post, which Lampshades one infamous moment in the [[VideoGame/MassEffect2 game]].
* In a thread filled with [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=128239#p128239 fictitious Cerberus dossiers]], [=MDEsmond=] notes his [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=2044&start=70 Reason for observation.]]
* In an Elseworlds thread filled with silly crossovers, [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3670&start=40 Kirok creates an insane one of his own.]]
* You’d think a volus chemist would be more thankful to his saviors. Macul? [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=137771#p137771 Not so much.]]
* [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=2288 Suri]] [[ButWeUsedACondom has a pregnancy scare.]]
* A cold salarian MadScientist known for his willingness to sacrifice everything for the bottom line [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=121349#p121349 goes incognito]] at a masquerade ball.
** "YOU, DJ PERSON. THIS PARTY NEEDS MORE DANCING. ALL THESE FINE LADIES AND NO ACTION."
* What was supposed to be an impressive tour through a nebula goes [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=5346&start=0 horribly, HORRIBLY wrong.]]
* An elcor in a top hat [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=208414#p208414 delivers a singing telegram of "Hello My Baby"]] in the middle of a funeral.
* [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=6095 An interspecies discussion on breasts.]]
* The Khar’shan News Network’s infrequent but [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=6512 lunatic posting]] finally touches on a quirk of the boards.
-->…Commander Shepard, a human so depraved and uncivilised that they do not even possess a first name or determinate gender…
* [[http://cdn.wikia.com/wiki/Jorgal_Dwick#DWICKCAST The Dwickcasts]] – a series of poorly-recorded podcasts detailing the misadventures of an old, fat krogan camwhore.
* As earth burns and the reapers invade [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/?p=1236&cpage=7#comment-51536 Abattoir]] [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/?p=1236&cpage=7#comment-51627 just]] [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/?p=1236&cpage=8#comment-51694 wants]] [[https://twitter.com/#!/red_shaitan his]] [[MustHaveCaffeine coffee]].
-->You know that point where all you want is to retire in peace and just kinda disappear into the ether and watch the holo for the decade or so you have left, and then somebody calls you up and says “Abattoir, do you know how to blow up a planet” or “Abattoir, there’s a dragon from outer space in the Horse Head nebula and why are you laughing, I haven’t even finished the sentence yet”, or “Abattoir, I’m going to have to cancel poker night because there’s an army of husked batarians clogging the street”
-->And you assume that last one is an excuse, but then you go out for your first run of the day and there’s fucking warfare in the alleys and a fucking Sovereign is perched on top of the only convenience store in Uptown that serves halfway-decent cappuccino
-->Fuck, WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN
-->ALL I WANTED WAS MY MORNING COFFEE
* [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=6951&p=257418#p257418 A threat from a sociopath Cerberus Operative,]] prompts several board members to [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=6951&p=257433#p257433 mock]] the [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=6970 hell]] out of the son of a bitch. Even the [=RPer=] who plays Thanatos thought it was hilarious.
* In a considerable departure from his usual impression on the boards, [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=258593#p258593 Viros Fenon manages to troll the boards in death.]]
** [[SkywardScream VIROS!]]
* [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=7822 An overweight krogan discovers that the last place on the citadel offering plus-size Tuchankan clothing is shutting down.]] His landlord then holds his last pair of pants hostage.
* A forum poster relays a story about a krogan mistaking a hug for wrestling technique and judo-throwing an unsuspecting batarian into some garbage. Cue another poster going [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=7993&start=20 ”whoops.”]]
* As the Citadel comes under attack by Cerberus, a group of alliance marines hold out against a horde of troops. An aircar [[http://www.cerberusdailynews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=8134&start=20 hurtles out of nowhere]] ejecting someone so that they smack into a bridge, peel off comically, and land in a lake.
* The Band's attempts to steal/retrieve the galaxy's last remaining panda bear.
* Standard Vorcha Cookshow.