* When "conversing", characters have only so many different things they can say, which can lead to some hilarious conversations.
--> '''Random townswoman:''' Do you ever sit alone in your room and eat ice cream and think about boys?
--> '''Random townsman:''' Yes! Absolutely!
* "Kick me" signs work in a very amusing way. The way they seem to be programmed is that people will see the sign and then run over to kick the person with the sign. Students might get kicked by their own clique members, kids will kick them, girls will run up and kick them, prefects will kick them, heck, if you're lucky, you can even get ''the gym teacher'' to run up and kick somebody with a sign on their back. Then a riot starts. It's kind of a shame that there's no way to make them and the only way you can get them is through lockpicking lockers and it's a random drop.
* Let's face it, we've all wanted to grab a prefect and give him a swirly every once in a while.
** Wedgies are always good for a chuckle, but it gets laugh-out-loud funny when you give one to a prefect immediately after he says to himself "Man, I wish someone would start some trouble!" ''[[BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor *yoink!*]]''
* [[GroinAttack Hitting someone in the low-hanging fruit]] [[ComedicSociopathy is one of the joys of this game]]. The fact that [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8VhQ_KKO4A each person has something unique to say about their bruised testes]] [[TheDevTeamThinksOfEverything just adds more wonderful to the game]].
** Bo Jackson: "Ohhh NOOOO, ''MY CHILDREN!''"
** Juri Karamazov: "''How... (Chokes) did you... (Hyperventilates) hit it?! (Screams)''"
** Luis Lanna: "Ahhh! ''AHHH!'' Aw man!! ''My little friends! Ahhh!''"
** Gordon Wakefield: ''"AHHH! I'LL SUE YOUR ASS IF I EVER HAVE STUPID KIDS!"''
** Peanut Romano: "Oww! My ''johnson!'' Augghh!"
** Vance Medici: "OHHHH, ''right in the hot rod!''"
** Lefty Mancini: "''My girlfiend's gonna'' kill ''you!''"
** Ricky Pucino: "'''[[CurseCutShort CHEAP SON OF A-]] ''[[UnusualEuphemism SACKMEAT!!]] FREAKING COWARD!!''''' Ohhh..."
** Algernon (Algie) Papadopoulos: "Oooh, ''critical hit''!"
** Fatty: "Ugh! oh, please, no... my legacy...."
** Melvin: "AHHH!!!!! OHH, RIGHT IN THE JABBERWOCKY! AH-HA!!!!!!"
** Cornelius Johnson: "''That... is ex-CRU-ciatingly- '''PAINFULL!!'''''"
** Tad Spencer: "Ooh, ''daddy!'' Ohhh..."
** Derby Harrington: "'''GUAHH!!! Ohhh, ''LORD!!!''''' (Gasps) ''I have to carry on the family name!'' (breaks down crying)"
** Chad Morris: "My family jewels! My lineage, destroyed!"
** Kirby Olsen: "DAGH! THANK YOU, SIR, MAY I HAVE SOME MORE?"
** Edgar Munsen: "(cough) You fight dirty, AH-''HOW!''"
** Omar Romero: "OHHHHHHH!! ''[[InstantSoprano ...I am tough... Threre is no pain...!]] '''[[TheScream OHHHHHHHHHH!!!]]'''''"
** Leeroy: "UNH!! ''WHAT'D YOU HAVE TO DO THAT FOR?!''"
** Henry (a.k.a. Clint): "OHHH! ''Right in [[{{Aerosmith}} the Toxic Twins!]]''"
** Gurney: "[[CurseCutShort HOLY-]] ''[[BaitAndSwitch FUNGUS!]]''"
** Jerry: "OOOH!! ({{Beat}}) ''[[InstantSoprano I'll never be able to piss again!]]''"
** Russell Northrup: "'''HOHH!!!''' ''[[InstantSoprano ...Russell's secret place!]]''"
** [[BigBad Gary Smith]]: "'''[[MichaelJackson OWWW!!!]]''' ''[[HypocriticalHumor You can't do that!]]''" (Note: [[DontExplainTheJoke This is the same guy who said]] "[[ToThePain You know what we do to liars, Pete?]] ''We kick them in the [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch BALLS!!]]''")
* Russell declaring that he "... likes to HURT people... for PEACE."
** Then, there's Jimmy's RousingSpeech for when he's convincing Russell and the Townies to break up the school-wide brawl in "Complete Mayhem":
--> '''Edgar Munsen:''' "Alright, [[ArmorPiercingQuestion one question]]: [[StepThreeProfit How are we going to]] [[KidsAreCruel stop a load of kids from beating the crap out of each other?]]"
--> '''Jimmy:''' "[[{{Eagleland}} This is America!]] [[AnOfferYouCantRefuse We go in there with threats and bribes until we get what we want]]. If all else fails, [[AsskickingEqualsAuthority we beat the crap out of everyone!]]"
* If you can get hold of the data files, [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCUCs3ZgcBg&list=PL43Hv0RlN2QdWyXmZQ8Wkrx7-wq6pn5rO&index=18 there's some unused dialogue in the mission Jealous Johnny]]. Long story short, Gord and Lola are making out, [[HilarityEnsues and then Gord can't figure out how to unhook her bra]].
* The opening cutscene of Hattrick vs. Galloway. After Jimmy takes Galloway's scotch and leaves to track down all of Galloway's stashes around the school, Galloway immediately pulls out another bottle of scotch.
--> ''I've tried many things: Yoga, meditation, acupuncture, [[BreadMilkEggsSquick dubious sites]] [[TheInternetIsForPorn on the Internet]]... [[DrowningMySorrows but nothing dulls the pain like]] ''[[INeedAFreakingDrink Scotch!]]''''
** Earlier in that scene, when Hattrick is chewing out Galloway for drinking on campus, this exchange ensues:
--> '''Hattrick''': Drunk, in charge of children. What kind of monster drinks in front of children?
--> '''[[DeadpanSnarker Galloway]]''': [[AbusiveParents A parent?]]
* If you go to the Boys Bathrooms, you can see a random individual [[SmokingIsCool smoking a cigarette]]. What makes this funny is when you see [[ButtMonkey Algie of all people]] doing it, too!
* The end of the Panty Raid mission scene, when Burton says he'll claim ignorance if Jimmy's caught:
-->'''Jimmy:''' I won't say anything, sir. In fact, I'll make it clear that I never saw you coming out of an adult store clutching illicit magazines.