* Ray could probably fill this entire page.
-->'''Dave:''' Buon giorno, papa!
-->'''Ray:''' I'm not your 'papa', I'm your goddamned father. And she's your goddamned mother.
** Then there's this:
-->'''Ray:''' He's never tired. He's never miserable.
-->'''Evelyn:''' He's young.
-->'''Ray:''' When I was young, I was tired and miserable!
** Not to mention:
-->'''Ray:''' What is this?
-->'''Evelyn:''' It's sauteed zucchini.
-->'''Ray:''' It's I-tey food. I don't want no I-tey food!
-->'''Evelyn:''' It's not. I got it at the A&P. It's like...squash.
-->'''Ray:''' Evelyn, I know I-tey food when I hear it. It's all them "ini" foods...zucchini...and linguine...and fettuccine. [[HypocriticalHumor I want some American food, dammit! I want French Fries!]]
** And then there's when he goes to yell at Dave for playing his music too loud, only to come back looking stunned:
-->'''Ray:''' He's shaving.
-->'''Evelyn:''' So?
-->'''Ray:''' His legs. He's shaving his legs!
** And near the end, when Ray reveals Evelyn is pregnant:
-->'''Dave:''' You mean we might be a father?
-->'''Ray:''' No. I might be a father. And your mom might be a mother. And you might be a brother. See, that way I keep it all in the family.
-->'''Moocher:''' Wow, that's great! Hey, I didn't think people your age...
-->'''Ray:''' Uh, the next word may be your last, kid!
* Evelyn gets a few quips of her own in:
-->'''Ray:''' What are we gonna do about him?
-->'''Evelyn:''' I don't know, dear. [[DeadpanSnarker We could always strangle him while he's asleep.]]
-->'''Ray:''' Evelyn, that is not funny.
* Then there's Cyril:
-->'''Cyril:''' I sure miss playing basketball. I got depressed as hell when my athlete's foot and jock itch went away.
** Then there's when Mike's brother warns Mike not to hot-rod around the campus. He then asks how the others are doing:
-->'''Cyril:''' Well, we're a little disturbed by the developments in the Middle East, but...
** And:
-->'''Mike:''' That's the place to be right there, Wyoming! Nothin' but prairies and mountains and nobody around. All you need is your bed roll and a good horse.
-->'''Cyril:''' Don't forget your toothbrush; you're still in your cavity-prone years.
** Not to mention:
-->'''Cyril:''' You know what I'd like to be? A cartoon of some kind. You know, like when they get hit in the head with a frying pan or something, and their head looks like the frying pan, with the handle and everything? They they just go *booiing* and their head comes back to normal. Wouldn't that be great?
-->'''Mike:''' How'd you get to be so stupid, Cyril?
-->'''Cyril:''' I don't know. ({{Beat}}) I guess I just have a dumb heredity. What's your excuse, Michael?