* [[http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2007/10/14/how-to-deal-with-trick-or-treaters.html How To Deal With Trick-or-Treaters]]: "There's no such thing as enough Mr. Pibb!"
* [[http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2006/8/23/how-to-fake-a-smile.html How To Fake a Smile]]: "Your hide will make a fine poncho!"
* [[http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2006/7/7/how-to-make-a-decision.html How To Make A Decision]]: "That's why I suggest you split the difference by doing the right thing in the most evil manner possible."
* [[http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2006/7/4/how-to-avenge-your-brothers-murder.html How To Avenge Your Brother's Murder]]: "arrange the scene so that [[PietaPlagiarism he dies in your arms]] and you are smeared in his blood, for dramatic effect."
* [[http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2011/9/27/how-to-explain-your-tastes.html How to Explain Your Tastes]]:
-->'''Scott:''' Dr Pepper has NEVER contained prunes. If it did, it would say "made with real fruit" on the label.
* [[http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2006/12/6/how-to-greet-people.html How to Greet People]]:
-->"My pet ferret had a stroke.
--> "Huh. It's gonna take me a while to process that."
--> "Yeah, him, too."
** "It's like aloha, only violent!"
* [[http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2007/2/11/how-to-give-directions.html How to Give Directions]]: "There's only one KFC on 3rd. If you see a different KFC, you're on the wrong street."
* [[http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2008/12/8/how-to-face-your-fear.html How to Face Your Fears]]: Scott's expression in he third panel. That is all.
** And revisited in [[http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2010/12/21/how-to-overcome-your-fear.html How to Overcome Your Fear]].
-->'''Scott''': '''IT'S TASTING MY FEAR!'''
-->'''Scott's Wife''': Well ''I'm'' having fun.
-->'''Scott''': '''YOU'RE ENJOYING MY FEAR!'''
-->'''Scott's Wife''': True.
* [[http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2012/2/14/how-to-look-beyond-the-obvious.html How To Look beyond the Obvious]] may be the greatest pun in history.
* [[http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2009/9/27/how-to-figure-out-what-someone-said.html Bag wag sing.]]
* [[http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2013/1/8/how-to-manage-your-emotions.html "How to deal with emotions]]. Panel three particularly.
-->'''Rick''': I looked frantically for a place to pull over before I got to the freeway. I didn't want [[ItMakesSenseInContext the frog on my windshield to get hurt]].\\
'''Scott''': It sounds like it really freaked you out.\\
'''Rick''': So much so that I forgot the intermittent wipers were on.
* [[http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2014/1/19/how-to-avoid-making-harmful-assumptions.html How to Avoid Making Harmful Assumptions]]: in which Scott demonstrates his ability to [[ThatCameOutWrong say the wrong thing.]]